Do Stepchildren Lose Love When Biological Children Arrive?
Do Stepchildren Lose Love When Biological Children Arrive?
Published: April 08, 2014
The Challenge of Blended Families
Blended families, where one parent is not biologically related to all children, can face unique challenges. Women are more likely to form new partnerships with children from previous relationships. A critical turning point often occurs when a new biological child is born, as this can subconsciously create a division of “mine” and “not mine” in the mind of the new partner.
The Firsoff Family Story
This scenario played out in the Firsoff family. Oksana, the mother, lived with her second husband, Valeriy, and their two young sons. However, her 13-year-old daughter from her first marriage, Karina, was raised by her grandmother and struggled to connect with her stepfather. Valeriy’s discomfort with Karina being biracial further complicated their relationship. This unfounded shame created a foundation for conflict, exacerbating the tension between Valeriy and Karina.
Karina’s teenage years added to the strain. She reacted defensively to her mother’s attempts at reconciliation and was highly sensitive to her stepfather’s criticism. Oksana found herself caught in the middle, torn between her husband and her daughter. In a final attempt to restore family harmony, Oksana turned to the TV program “Dear, We Are Killing Our Children” on STB channel for help.
Expert Advice and Extreme Measures
Psychologists on the show provided a crucial piece of advice: the stepfather needed to show care for his stepdaughter, and in return, she needed to show him respect. This mutual effort is the first step towards achieving harmony in the family. To facilitate this, the experts suggested creating an extreme situation where petty grievances and pride would take a backseat to unity and cooperation.
As part of this plan, Karina and her stepfather were sent to the Carpathian Mountains. There, they faced challenging tasks such as cleaning stables, milking a cow, and hiking 16 kilometers through snowy terrain. Notably, Oksana was not present during this time, as her influence often affected the interactions between her husband and daughter.
Rebuilding the Mother-Daughter Bond
It was also essential for Karina to reconnect with her mother. As part of the project, Oksana and Karina attended physical therapy sessions where Oksana learned to give her daughter a therapeutic massage. This gentle, caring touch helped Karina feel the love and warmth she had long believed were missing from her mother.
To see what other measures were taken to break down the walls of resentment in this blended family, tune in to “Dear, We Are Killing Our Children” on STB channel.
