11 Essential Considerations Before Saying ‘I Do’
11 Essential Considerations Before Saying ‘I Do’
Whether you’ve dreamed of your wedding day your entire life or recently decided to settle down, there are crucial aspects to consider before taking this significant step. Marrying someone is a profound decision that requires psychological readiness. Entering into marriage is a change that different people experience in various ways. Therefore, the first step in making this decision is to understand your feelings about it. If you’re currently single or just dating, congratulations, you have the opportunity to think everything through.
Communicate with Your Partner
While it’s essential to be at peace with this significant step yourself, don’t disregard your partner’s thoughts. Licensed psychologist Kim Chronister advises the following:
- Ask your partner about their expectations for marriage. Verbalizing desires and needs is crucial for those considering marriage.
- You and your partner should feel entirely comfortable discussing both important and trivial matters. However, before taking the plunge, there are several things to consider.
Don’t Rush into Marriage
Getting married might seem like the right decision right now, especially if you’re susceptible to social pressure. But even if that’s the case, don’t rush. It’s far better to be single or feel lonely than to be with someone who isn’t right for you, constantly causes problems, or doesn’t share your views. As Marcus Geduld said:
Don’t tie your life to someone who primarily makes you unhappy. Hoping and believing that this will change someday is futile. Problems that exist now will poison life in the future. If you can’t tolerate them, move on.
Ensure You Feel Complete Alone
Before committing to someone, make sure you can spend time alone. A complete person feels comfortable and happy even when alone or away from their partner. Don’t confuse this with a lack of interest in your partner. If you have issues with your inner self or a fear of being alone, address them, as married life can exacerbate these feelings and lead to emotional dependency. A good piece of advice in this situation is to talk to someone already prepared for marriage. These are usually people who know how to take care of themselves and clearly understand their role in the relationship. Be sincere and learn to resolve your inner issues before sharing your life with someone else.
Live Together Before Marriage
It’s rational to try living together before getting married, as it’s an excellent way to test your compatibility. If there are significant flaws in your relationship, they will surface under the pressure of daily life and responsibility. Some couples may choose to cohabit, while others may not, even if they love each other. Ultimately, the decision to move in together depends on you, but it’s better to face this test early on rather than encounter the inevitable when it’s too late to change anything. Additionally, cohabitation is a sort of life hack for newlyweds. Sharing chores, understanding responsibility, and making adult decisions are best learned through practice, not theory imposed by upbringing and stereotypes.
Consider Your Partner’s Family
When you marry someone, you’re not just bringing a new person into your life; you’re also bringing their family and everything that comes with it. Be prepared to accept these people, as you’ll have to interact with them in the future. Undoubtedly, there are benefits to these relationships, such as care and support. However, poorly established or non-existent relationships with your partner’s family can ruin your life together. Of course, you shouldn’t end your relationship with the love of your life if their parents dislike you. But in this case, ensure your partner clearly separates your life together from their life with their family. You shouldn’t have to face the world alone; your future husband should protect you and your family from potential problems. If you see that your partner is too attached to their family and their opinions, you need to talk to them. If that doesn’t help, reconsider your decision to marry.
Think About Your Partner’s Future
People change over time. Bad traits can develop or worsen, just as good ones can. Think about your parents and how their characters and relationships have changed. If you notice traits in your partner that may worsen over time, consider whether you’re ready for such changes. You may also undergo personal transformations. Of course, if your partner is messy and refuses to do the dishes, don’t fear they’ll become a domestic tyrant. But if you’re aware that certain behaviors cause you internal discomfort or even stress, these feelings may grow into a real problem when each of you has a defined role in the relationship. Be honest with yourself and think about who you’re going to spend your life with, even if it’s not forever.
Understand How Each of You Handles Stress
As a couple, you and your partner will inevitably face stressful situations: death, childbirth, job loss, moving. It’s crucial to know how your partner copes with difficulties, not just when they affect your family, but also when they affect them alone. It’s essential to understand how a person reacts to stress before marrying them. Stress can bring emptiness to a relationship if a person refuses to address their problems or regulate their emotions. It’s also important to find out if your partner can handle your stress and provide the necessary support. If they regularly avoid responsibility and care for you, your life will be more than challenging. Ask yourself the same question: what do you do to calm your nerves, and are you ready to share difficult times with your partner?
Be Ready for Changes
Don’t choose a life partner you hope to change over time, just as you shouldn’t allow someone to force changes upon you. However, being in a long-term relationship requires a willingness from both partners to compromise and change. The most important thing that allows you to communicate naturally with your partner in conditions uncomfortable for you is to give meaning to everything concerning them. It’s necessary to realize the need for changes for the sake of your partner. If you understand the value of your relationship, then seeking a compromise is the most rational solution. Don’t disregard your partner’s feelings, but don’t constantly bend to their will either, as that’s not fair to yourself. Mutual understanding and respect strengthen relationships, no matter what challenges they face. So, before getting married, determine if you and your partner are ready for such a relationship.
Be Ready to Look Bad
Being married means accepting yourself and your partner as you are. Throughout your long life together, you’ll face numerous situations where you’ll have to accept each other in less than ideal emotional and aesthetic states. Being tired, gaining weight, getting sick: these are natural processes that shouldn’t cause feelings of disgust or offense in you or your partner. When you live as one, there’s no such thing as shame. At least, there shouldn’t be. Of course, married life isn’t a ticket to laziness and lack of self-care. We’re talking about difficult or natural periods in your life when you and your partner will need tolerance and respect for weakness or problems. If you’re ready to accept someone in such a state and this problem doesn’t bother you, as you have feelings for the person you’re going to spend your life with.
For further reading on emotional well-being in relationships, consider this authoritative source.
