Why Modern Women Embrace Solitude: A Journey of Self-Discovery and Empowerment

Solitude is not a disease or a punishment, but a personal choice. In a world teeming with people, some seek and find love, while others suffer from its lack. However, there is a third kind—those who choose a solitary life willingly. According to a 2016 American sociological study, the number of men and women opting for a life without the commitments of serious relationships has nearly equalized compared to the previous five years. Does this indicate changing times and morals, or is it a result of feminist movements? I became curious about how one can voluntarily renounce love and the reasons behind this choice among modern women.

Tamara, 39 years old

I ended my relationships because I saw no benefit in them, despite everyone around me insisting that I needed to find a man and secure my happiness. I divorced my husband in the early 2000s, and after that marriage, I was left with three sons whom I decided to raise alone. I love my children dearly and want to dedicate my life to their upbringing. Turning away from men, I became an ideal mother.

Initially, I simply didn’t have time to date, think about love, sex, or the art of seduction. I would come home from work, cook, clean, help with homework, take care of the children, communicate with them, and put them to bed. At night, I would cry. After the children fell asleep, I would lie in my bedroom and shed silent tears. It was very hard for me because all my desires had vanished. I didn’t think about what I wanted for dinner, what movies were playing in theaters, or what to wear with my denim blouse. All I wanted was to sleep and cry.

But soon, the tears transformed into acceptance of my new life. I realized that I wasn’t looking for a man because I didn’t care about myself and my desires, but because I didn’t believe he could be useful. Now that the children are older, I can do what I want, and no one will ask me, “Why are you so late?”, “Why didn’t you cook dinner on time?”, “Where are you going?”. I don’t have to share a bathroom or bedroom, and I have plenty of time to dedicate to my children. I don’t feel despair; I finally understand that this is how I want to live, and perhaps that’s why my relationship with my ex-husband didn’t work out.

Anna, 30 years old

I have been alone for most of my life, and the time I spent in relationships was terrible. I either coped with the lack of a partner or suffered because of it; there was no in-between. I always thought that solitude wasn’t scary because I was with someone who truly cared about me—myself. This was better than living with someone who made me cry and sacrifice everything for an unclear goal. My solitude is a conscious choice. It will remain so until I meet someone I can trust. The phase of infatuation in relationships can’t last forever, but it should be followed by a renewed life with care, trust, and commitments, not pain. I love being alone and enjoy my own company. Sometimes I feel sad and scared that the years are passing and I am aging, but even in this situation, I understand that it’s better than suffering.

Larisa, 26 years old

My mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother were all in abusive relationships, suffering and unable to change anything. From childhood, I watched them cry, argue, and endure hardships, and I became afraid that the same thing could happen to me. As I grew older, this fear turned into a real phobia of relationships. I am terrified that I will fall in love with a man who will beat, rape, insult, and cheat on me. I am afraid that by dating guys, I will get pregnant and won’t be able to raise a child or have an abortion. Sometimes I think I am ready to date girls just to avoid the danger of being hurt by a guy. The entire male gender terrifies me!

In my entire life, I have never had a normal boyfriend or any adequate physical contact. Because every time a man’s hands touched me, I would tremble, my body would shake convulsively, and I would scream or cry hysterically. I tried going to a psychologist and even taking sedatives. Therapy took a lot of time, and the main result we achieved after hypnosis sessions, medication, and even visiting a woman who removes curses was that I became calmer in communicating with guys, which led to the only relationship in my life that lasted two months. We broke up because I was going crazy. I don’t blame my boyfriend for not wanting to deal with my problems. Today, I am still alone, and for me, this is the only way to keep my sanity and nerves. I communicate with guys and girls, but only as a friend, avoiding physical contact, not even shaking hands. I continue to visit a psychologist occasionally and think about how to live further.

Friends often ask me how I handle sex. For me, it’s much simpler than it seems. This mental illness greatly affects my libido, so most of the time I am simply not interested in sex. In rare moments of desire, I find ways to cope without men.

Victoria, 21 years old

My main problem is perfectionism. I am fixated on everything around me being perfect, including myself, people, and partners. When I start dating someone, everything seems cute and romantic at first, but after a couple of days, I notice a million negative traits in their appearance and character that start driving me crazy. I can’t tolerate them and can’t keep quiet. As a result, I am called a bitch, and the relationships end.

After many painful breakups, I realized that telling people what annoys me about them is meaningless and rude. They are not to blame for the fact that I am in love with an ideal and seek the golden ratio in everything around me. At first, I would just silently leave, but soon I stopped looking for relationships altogether. This way, I can at least maintain friendly relations with those around me. Arguments happen, but they are not as painful.

Nothing can be done about my character. I tried, honestly. I am just a person who cannot be happy here and now until I smooth out all the rough edges of existence. Admitting to myself that the main problem and flaw is me is simply unbearable. It’s easier for me to be alone and do everything as I see fit, enjoying it, than to try to accept someone else or go and “fix” my essence.

Julia, 29 years old

I dated men until I was 27. There weren’t many, but the relationships were long and serious, and the breakups were painful. Sometimes I left myself, but more often I was left. Every time what I thought was the love of my life left me, I suffered from loneliness, low self-esteem, and sought something to fill that void. For a while, I managed to dull the pain, but then I would plunge into new relationships, and everything would start all over again. An important thought that I realized only recently is that no one can make me happy except myself. I shouldn’t demand loyalty or joy from others. I should have left when I started suffering, but I didn’t because I was afraid of being alone.

Today, I am no longer afraid of not meeting the man of my dreams because I know what I need to be a complete woman. I can do what I want, when I want, and where I want. I am confident in myself and know how to achieve what I desire. Being alone is a kind of therapy, a cleansing that every girl should go through to not only learn to take care of herself independently but also to rethink the values in relationships. In my life, there are no more scandals, meaningless arguments, insults, or jealousy. There are no household problems, no boredom or apathy. I don’t need to sacrifice myself.

For further insights into the benefits of solitude, you can refer to this authoritative source.