Who Can Help If Not ‘Me’? The Power of Self-Discovery and Therapy

Who Can Help If Not ‘Me’? The Power of Self-Discovery and Therapy

Life is a series of diverse events, ranging from pleasant moments to dreadful ones, from sweet to bitter, from love to hate, and a million other situations we hear about or cannot even imagine. This year, it has become particularly evident that life is tough. We have witnessed revolutions, threats of war, illnesses, comets flying past Earth, and the fall of prominent figures. However, I want to focus not on these global issues but on who can help us navigate these challenging times and solve our problems.

The Unseen Epidemic and Its Impact

An unacknowledged epidemic has forced many of us to stay at home. This situation has been particularly challenging for young families and couples who found themselves together in confined spaces for extended periods. This experience has tested their feelings and relationships to the core. As the classic Sergei Yesenin once said, “Face to face, you cannot see the face. The big is seen from a distance.” Only when we are extremely close do we realize that even under a microscope, we cannot see the “greatest love in the world.” Instead, we often find only disgust, which is the warmest gift among scandals and problems.

The Power of Therapy

Recently, I have heard phrases like “We are breaking up,” “I think I will get a divorce,” or “I am very tired” more often from my friends. They say these words with such despair and self-pity that one cannot help but sympathize. However, as a consolation, I share my story, which, believe me, is no better than yours. At the end, I always add: consult a family psychologist. The reactions to this advice vary. Some ask, “How can they help us?” Others respond that they have had such experiences but without results. Nevertheless, a small percentage of my friends who sought help managed to understand themselves better.

The Role of a Psychologist

The problem with the first group is evident: they are outright lazy individuals who do not want to work on themselves and expect everything to resolve magically, as in a fairy tale. They forget that life is a book we write ourselves. In this book, a psychologist should be the key that turns your drama into a collection of “The Lives of Remarkable People.”

I cannot vouch for people or specialists in psychology. I can only rely on my personal experience. I probably cannot advise on how to choose the right psychologist either—I went to the first one I found, and he turned out to be talented. Perhaps I was lucky, but I think it is all about us and our own “self.” A psychologist will not solve your problems for you; they will only ask the right questions. The main condition of the entire therapy is finding the answers to these questions. Here, you should not be afraid of the word “therapy”—it is quite formal.

A Journey of Self-Discovery

I would call it a meeting or a conversation—a dialogue with oneself. During one of these meetings, my psychologist asked me when I was last happy. This question instantly stunned me. At that moment, I answered with the first thing that came to mind: “In childhood.” Later, I pondered, “Why in childhood? Have I been unhappy for so long?” (I am a little over 30, by the way). Answers began to emerge in my mind as memories, each a separate happy story. After a week of reflecting on this question, I had accumulated so many happy moments in my memory that they could fill more than one volume of writings. It turned out that happiness was yesterday. And that means it will happen today and undoubtedly come tomorrow.

The Importance of Self-Reflection

I found the answer, closed this question, and came to the next meeting with the psychologist as a different person. It seemed to me that people started to gravitate towards me. And externally, I began to see myself differently. In simple terms: happy people are noticeable.

But this is my story. Some may think that a psychologist is not needed, that they can reason perfectly well on their own, without the help of outsiders and without investing in therapy. By the way, about money: consultation prices vary and do not exceed reasonable limits. A psychologist will cost you no more than an evening you spend with a friend talking in the kitchen. You might say that such gatherings serve the same function as a psychologist, but with one “but”: a psychologist will not burden you with a avalanche of their own problems in return. A friend will also listen, but willy-nilly, they will make you listen too. And exchanging problems does not lead to their resolution.

Choosing Your Path

Everyone has their own story, and everyone has the right to choose: to go with the flow or to sink, to try to save the family or to burn all bridges. I am not urging you to go to a psychologist, but if you ask me whether it is worth turning to a specialist with your problems, I will answer: “Yes.” A psychologist teaches self-analysis and how to know oneself. And then you decide what to do with these insights. The main thing is to always remember that there are no wrong decisions, only bad experiences.

P.S. You are probably wondering, “What about the relationships of this wise guy?” I will lay my cards on the table: my marriage is over. It lasted five long and happy years. We parted ways by agreement, with smiles and best wishes to each other. Sessions and conversations with the psychologist allowed us to remain good friends who know each other better than anyone else.

At one meeting, I was asked the question: “What do you like and dislike about marriage?” For the first part, I listed everything that attracted me: communication, common interests, support, appearance, intimacy. For the second part, I gathered a set of problems, like everyone else, about not seeing a partner in her, and so on. The positive side proved that my marriage had only the signs of a strong friendship. My other half had the same opinion, so we made the appropriate decision. Now everyone is still happy, just in a different way.

In conclusion, I repeat: everyone chooses which path to take and what conclusions to draw. Everyone should be happy, but for this, it is necessary to seek their own path—and an experienced guide will not hurt here.

For further reading, you might find this article helpful: Psychology Today.