The Perfectionism Trap: How the Pursuit of Perfection Drains Your Strength

Let’s be honest, how often do you strive for perfection? You know how to do something, but your mind keeps asking, “Is it enough? Maybe I can improve it a little more?” And as a result, you end up doing nothing. Perfectionism is like running a marathon where the finish line keeps moving away. You’re already exhausted, but the finish line is still ahead. And the most interesting part? The race never ends.

Perfectionism and High Standards

Many people confuse these concepts. High standards mean striving for development and improvement. Perfectionism, on the other hand, turns your standards into an inner prosecutor. In 1991, Hewitt and Flett presented a model that divides perfectionism into three types:

Self-oriented: I believe I must be perfect, and if I’m not, it’s my fault.
Other-oriented: I demand perfection from others.
Socially-prescribed: I believe that others expect perfection from me and that I have no right to make mistakes.

These types are clearly linked to mental health issues. Particularly, socially-prescribed perfectionism is correlated with depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Imagine a woman who wants to be perfect in all her roles at once—as a wife, mother, colleague, or friend. This is not about the quality of life but about the fear of being “not enough.”

What Lies Behind the Pursuit of Perfection

Perfectionism is not a character trait. It’s a pattern where the amygdala (the emotional center) screams that a mistake equals a threat. Any imperfection is perceived as a danger to survival. The brain dislikes uncertainty, and perfectionism is an attempt to pack life into a box without surprises. It may sound nice: “I always strive for the best.” But behind this often lies:

Burnout
Anxiety
Depression

Recent studies confirm this. For example, students with high levels of perfectionism have a approximately 33% higher risk of depression. And here’s another paradox: perfectionists achieve less. Instead of acting, they procrastinate to avoid failure.

The Culture of Achievement

Social media has become fuel for the desire to constantly “improve” and a background for comparing ourselves with others. There’s always someone better, more beautiful, more productive. Perfection on Instagram has nothing to do with reality, but the brain compares and concludes: “I’m not good enough.” We often think we have “our own standards,” but in reality, it’s often a carefully photoshopped artificial image that we’ve accepted as the norm.

Perfectionism as an Addiction

It’s all like a classic addiction. Today you feel relief: “Hooray, I did it perfectly.” Tomorrow, another dose of anxiety: “What if it doesn’t work out this time?” The cycle looks like this:

Idealization → Lack of action → Exhaustion → Self-criticism → Even more pressure

And so it goes, in a circle.

How to Break This Cycle

There will be no banal advice like “relax and be yourself.” Because it doesn’t work. Here are some real tools:

Act on 70%: Try to just do the task. One step towards the goal instead of ten planned ones. And see that no catastrophe happens.
Practice Self-Compassion: Instead of criticizing, try to become your own true friend and support. Learn more about self-compassion.
Reframing Mistakes: Instead of “I messed up again,” say to yourself, “I did well, and I gained new experience.”
Work with the Body: Sports, breathing practices, meditation. This teaches the nervous system to perceive “imperfection” without panic.

What’s Next?

The desire to do something better should not be killed. If you direct the energy of perfection into the process, not control, and allow yourself to make mistakes, great things can happen. This is how research, paintings, and startups are born. Perfectionism is like fire, which can warm but also burn down the house. The choice is ours. So, there’s no need to fight with yourself, just make an agreement. Ask yourself, am I chasing an ideal or running away from the fear of making a mistake?