Recognizing Abusive Relationships: Signs and Steps to Break Free

Psychological abuse in relationships often hides behind a mask of care and concern. It can be excused as the passion of a loving partner or, worse, blamed on our own perceived faults. This manipulation leads us to believe promises of change, hoping for the best while taking no action. Over time, we become weaker and more submissive. Meanwhile, unaddressed psychological abuse can have tragic consequences.

Why Is Psychological Abuse Hard to Prove?

Unlike physical abuse, psychological abuse leaves no visible scars. Although it can last for years, it is difficult to end and even harder to hold the abuser accountable. Victims of psychological abuse may feel that something is wrong but might not recognize that their experiences have a name. This issue is starkly highlighted in Renata Kim’s shocking book, Why Can’t Anyone See I’m Dying: Stories of Abuse Victims, where the author discusses red flags and how to escape an abusive relationship.

Psychological Abuse: Why It’s Hard to Prove in Court

Proving psychological abuse in court is challenging. Without visible wounds to substantiate the victim’s claims, it often becomes a matter of one person’s word against another’s. However, it’s crucial to remember that psychological abuse, whether within relationships or outside them, is a crime.

Red Flags of Psychological Abuse

The line between acceptable behavior and psychological abuse is thin. Abusers often deny crossing this line, but it includes any actions that harm or cause discomfort to one party, such as insults, humiliation, blackmail, threats, and manipulation, regardless of the abuser’s intentions.

Statistics on Psychological Abuse

Statistics show that women are more frequently victims of psychological abuse (according to a report by the Central Statistical Office, this occurs in 80% of cases), though this is not always the case. Researchers note that cultural issues and upbringing models perpetuated by culture are more to blame than genetics. It’s important to note that psychological abuse occurs as frequently between other emotionally connected or dependent individuals, such as parents and children, employers and employees, or close friends.

Consequences of Psychological Abuse

Psychological abuse, though hard to prove, has severe consequences. Studies clearly show that prolonged exposure can lead to depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, and even suicide attempts in extreme cases. In children, psychological abuse affects not only emotional but also intellectual development.

Women’s organizations estimate that 800,000 women experience psychological abuse. However, these numbers may be underestimated. Many victims, fearing stigmatization or escalation of abuse, do not report it to the police, so police reports also do not reflect the true extent of the problem.

Examples of Psychological Abuse

In her book Why Can’t Anyone See I’m Dying: Stories of Abuse Victims, published by WAB, Renata Kim presents stories of psychological abuse victims in various dependency situations. Through over a dozen first-person reports, the author analyzes the mechanism of entering toxic relationships, their subsequent stages, and the difficulty many people face in leaving them despite everything.

Psychologists note that psychological abuse triggers a complex mechanism of dependency, as intricate and challenging to overcome as alcoholism or any other addiction. Over time, as the victim continues to endure psychological abuse, they become weaker, and their defense mechanisms become increasingly ineffective.

Sometimes, unable to break free from the cycle of psychological abuse, the victim begins to doubt their own sanity and ability to assess the situation soberly, gradually adopting the abuser’s perspective. What makes psychological abuse socially acceptable or even approved is the fact that the surroundings usually side with the abuser, not believing the victim’s experiences.

How to Act to Save Yourself

The heroes of Renata Kim’s book Why Can’t Anyone See I’m Dying: Stories of Abuse Victims are primarily women, though there are also accounts from men who have experienced psychological abuse. Here are some tips on how to recognize it and what to do to escape:

First Signs

If, after the initial burst of affection where you heard daily that you are the most beautiful, wonderful, and unique, and that all previous women were bad and crazy, a severe breakdown occurs. This could be a lie, an argument for no apparent reason, infidelity, or the first betrayal. Something that surprises and disappoints you, showing the man who charmed you in a different light. Psychological abuse often begins this way, innocently.

How the Abuser Manipulates

If, after the first unpleasant incident, your partner apologizes and promises to change, but after some time does the same thing again. He will lie to you, deceive you, or betray you again, and when you catch him, he will deny everything. Or he will start telling you that you are imagining things, that you are pathologically suspicious and hysterical, and that you should be ashamed. He has simply started manipulating you, and this is one of the faces of psychological abuse.

Reason to Trust

Not emotions, because psychological abuse is easiest to escape from. If you see that in your relationship everything is going wrong, you are not respected or loved, but used, humiliated, and deceived, do not be reassured by assurances that it only seems so to you, and that your partner loves you, has good and pure intentions towards you. Try to see your situation as if it were your sister or girlfriend. Think about whether you would want someone to treat them the way you are treated. If you decide not to do this, it will be easier for you to stop deceiving yourself that the person because of whom you cry is good for you.

Why It’s So Hard to Let Go

Why is it so hard for you to break off your turbulent and painful relationship, even when you feel that it is on the verge of psychological abuse? People who do not get along usually just break up. Meanwhile, you continue to return, even if you know you shouldn’t. When you try to escape, your partner will always find a way to convince you to come back. He will say that you are meant for each other, that life has no meaning without you, he will suggest drawing a thick line under the past. And you will succumb again because you are already dependent on this toxic relationship. You would rather suffer than live without it.

Don’t Wait for the Next Blow

If due to constant tension you cannot eat because it is hard for you to chew food, if you cannot sleep, and if you manage to fall asleep, you have nightmares, if only alcohol or other drugs calm you down – you have a problem. If you constantly think about what will happen now in your relationship, from which side the next blow will come, and you calm down only when your partner is nearby and you watch him – your problem is even more serious. The man you think you love is gradually destroying you – this is pure cruel treatment: he sees it but does not care. You are just another evil, crazy woman to him. He is about to strike again.

For more information, visit The National Domestic Violence Hotline.