Mediation: A Conscious Choice for Resolving Family Conflicts

We consciously choose our life partners, envisioning a long journey together. As Mendelssohn’s march fills the air during our wedding ceremonies, we rarely entertain the thought that things might not go as planned. However, life is unpredictable, and when conflicts arise, mediation can help mitigate their impact and facilitate agreements.

Taking Responsibility for Our Choices

We plan and have children, understanding that with the arrival of a tiny, helpless being, we will dedicate every day, hour, and minute to showering them with love and taking responsibility for their lives. We carefully approach our children’s development and upbringing, enrolling them in prestigious early development centers and selecting the best schools. We independently sign contracts, purchase property, and make decisions. We are adults capable of taking responsibility, aren’t we?

So why, when problems arise in our families and divorce looms on the horizon, do we panic and rush to court, believing that only government representatives can help us? Why do we think that a stranger, unfamiliar with our lives, should make decisions for us during a crisis? Why do we shift our burdens and problems onto a third party? Before this, we were capable of taking responsibility for our decisions.

The Reality of Court Proceedings

In a state of confusion, helplessness, and panic, when emotions overwhelm us, we often cannot think rationally, discuss our real interests, or listen to others. Naturally, we turn to the court, where the law reigns supreme, and thus, justice prevails. Based on the concept of a fair and just court, we believe that all our problems will be resolved instantly, our interests protected, the guilty punished, and justice served.

But what happens in practice? Those who have experienced the court system know how lengthy the dispute resolution process can be. In court, we approach the problem from a position of strength, each side defending their stance and trying to convince the court of their righteousness. We hire the best lawyers to present more substantial evidence and conduct costly expert evaluations. Ultimately, both parties are drained emotionally and financially, the conflict drags on, and relationships deteriorate further. Most importantly, close relatives and, of course, children suffer. The negative emotions between former spouses are so strong that, in their attempts to hurt each other, they often forget about the children’s interests.

What is Mediation?

The most unfortunate aspect is that a court decision often does not resolve the conflict between the parties, as their actual interests are not considered. Legislation is very narrow, while life is much broader and cannot be confined within the limits of the law.

Recognizing this problem as a kind of imperfection in the judicial system led to the acknowledgment of an out-of-court dispute resolution form – mediation – at the 1976 Conference of US Judges. The practice of mediation in America began in the area of labor relations and then extended to family matters. In subsequent years, mediation spread to Europe, Ukraine, Kazakhstan, and now Belarus. With the enactment of the Law of the Republic of Belarus “On Mediation” on January 24, 2014, the use of this unique procedure is gaining momentum. Mediation is particularly effective in family disputes.

Mediation is a confidential negotiation process involving a neutral third party – the mediator – who assists the parties in reaching a mutually beneficial resolution to their dispute. Today, mediation is recognized by the international community as the most in-demand out-of-court dispute resolution method.

According to statistics, in 80% of cases, parties reach an agreement through mediation negotiations, and in 20% of those cases, they restore marital relationships! In Belarus, every second marriage ends in divorce. Courts are so overloaded that cases can linger for more than a year. However, in such situations, it is crucial to quickly resolve pressing life issues related to child-rearing, support, and property division.

Mediation can help people who wish to negotiate and peacefully resolve the conflict. This is especially important if you are parents who understand the need to maintain normal relations for the sake of your children’s healthy psychological development. Cooperation between parents during this difficult period spares children from having to choose sides, preferring one parent over the other. The bond between parent and child, which is vital for the child’s normal development at any age, remains intact.

Unlike court proceedings, mediation does not take much time, and consequently, the costs are minimized. A solution to the problem can be found during one or several mediation sessions. You will need one or two weeks to resolve the conflict.

Advantages of Mediation

The advantages of mediation are that it genuinely resolves conflicts, saves time, effort, and money, and preserves your nerves. The principles of mediation, which form its foundation and make it a unique procedure, distinguish it from other forms of dispute resolution. Additionally, its high effectiveness is ensured by a wide range of special techniques employed by the mediator. These principles are the same regardless of the legal system or country and are enshrined in Article 3 of the Law “On Mediation”. These principles include:

Voluntariness
Confidentiality
Equality of the parties
Neutrality of the mediator

According to statistics, in 80% of cases, parties reach an agreement through mediation negotiations, and in 20% of those cases, they restore marital relationships! UNITRAL is a great resource to learn more about international mediation standards.