Alzheimer’s in a Loved One: Communication Mistakes to Avoid
Understanding Alzheimer’s Behavior
When a parent begins to show signs of Alzheimer’s disease, it can be a shock to the family. However, the people around them often make mistakes that worsen the situation instead of helping. Oleg Selitsky, a psychologist at the Minsk City Clinical Center for Psychiatry and Psychotherapy, explains these mistakes and how to correct them.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
People with Alzheimer’s disease and similar conditions often exhibit field-dependent behavior. They react to events with impulsive responses, have poor control over their actions, and live in the “here and now” without considering the context or past.
When observing this behavior in their parents or grandparents, many people make several mistakes:
- Panic: They assume that the elderly person is extremely distressed and try to correct their memory constantly, explaining that their perception of the world is incorrect.
- Isolation: They attempt to shield the person from professional help due to a fear of nursing homes, a common sentiment worldwide.
How to Improve the Situation
First and foremost, it’s essential to stay calm. Often, the elderly person is less distressed than their loved ones. Sometimes, they only feel upset because they see their family members suffering.
Living in the Present
During interactions with the person with Alzheimer’s, focus on the present moment. Avoid reminding them of their identity, who they are talking to, or their age. These reminders are often futile and can make communication unbearable.
Try to understand how much the person is suffering from memory loss. Richard Alpert, a professor of psychology at Harvard University, and his colleague Timothy Leary illustrate the state of elderly brain diseases with the film “Complaints of an Obedient Daughter.”
In the film, the chief physician asks the daughter not to leave her mother with anything from her past, not even her clothes. Initially, this request seems cruel, but the daughter complies. When she visits the nursing home the next day, she finds her mother dressed in a man’s tracksuit, holding a flat lady’s handbag with a one-cent coin inside. The daughter realizes that her mother is happy because no one around her reminds her of what she has forgotten. The daughter understands that her attachment to the mother she once knew only increased her mother’s suffering. Over time, she lets go of this attachment and learns to dance with her mother’s consciousness, wherever it may wander.
While the Belarusian Medical Academy of Postgraduate Education suggests that there might be some artistic license in this illustration, familiar old items can indeed provide comfort and a sense of familiarity to the person suffering. However, the main point is clear: trying to bring the person back to objective reality often worsens their condition. In such situations, simple presence is preferable.
Seeking Professional Help
A person who does not perceive reality correctly can be at risk. While reliving vivid moments from the past, they might fall out of a window, get injured, or harm themselves. Therefore, it’s crucial not to isolate yourself and attempt to handle everything alone. Both the person with Alzheimer’s and their loved ones need help, and there is no shame in seeking it.
It’s vital to accept the new reality calmly and soberly and live according to it.
Conclusion
In conclusion, when dealing with a loved one who has Alzheimer’s, it’s crucial to avoid panic, live in the present, and seek professional help when needed. Remember, the person with Alzheimer’s often takes cues from their environment, so maintaining a calm and positive atmosphere is essential.
Text: Oleg Selitsky, psychologist at the Minsk City Clinical Center for Psychiatry and Psychotherapy
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