A Streak of Bad Luck Doesn’t Make You a Loser: A Psychologist’s Guide to Avoiding Mental Traps

Breaking the Cycle of Negative Thinking

When faced with life’s setbacks, it’s easy to fall into the trap of negative thinking, telling ourselves, “I’m unlucky,” or “I’m a failure.” However, this pessimism is a cognitive error, as noted by psychologist Ivan Vasilyuk. The key to overcoming this mindset lies in asking ourselves precise questions and learning to “change the records.”

The Power of Perspective

Imagine your mind as an old-fashioned camera. In the early 20th century, color photos were created by layering different colored plates. If you’re a pessimist, it’s as if someone has taken away all the colored plates, leaving you with only the black one. You see the world in black and white, missing out on the vibrant colors of life.

To change this, you need to find those colored plates. Our brains believe what they experience, so we need to provide new experiences. Here’s an example of a conversation between a client and a psychologist that illustrates this point:

Challenging Negative Thoughts

Client: “I missed the trolleybus and was late for our appointment. I’m a complete failure, and this always happens to me.”
Psychologist: “Does this always happen?”
Client: “Yes, always.”
Psychologist: “How did you get here?”
Client: “By bus.”
Psychologist: “And did it arrive on time?”
Client: “Yes, but that’s only today.”
Psychologist: “How often has this happened this week?”
Client: “Not at all.”
Psychologist: “And in the past month?”
Client: “Well, a couple of times.”
Psychologist: “So, it doesn’t always happen?”
Client: “I guess not, but that doesn’t make me any less of a failure.”
Psychologist: “We’ll get to that later.”

At first glance, this might seem like a minor issue. However, what we’ve done here is expand the client’s perspective by adding a new “plate”: it turns out that the trolleybus doesn’t always leave without them. This challenges the brain’s belief that it always happens.

Overcoming Generalizations

We can apply this approach to any generalization. If your brain is stuck on “I’m always unlucky,” ask yourself, “In what ways?” and try to find something positive. This is a lengthy process, especially for true pessimists who have often shattered their own “plates” due to past disappointments or betrayals.

Instead of trying to piece together the broken plates, it’s easier to buy new ones. In the case of our client, this means facing their fears “against all logic.” Here’s another snippet of their conversation:

Client: “I believe everyone will laugh at me if I go on stage.”
Psychologist: “How do you know?”
Client: “I just know.”
Psychologist: “If you see someone struggling on stage, do you laugh at them?”
Client: “No, I empathize.”
Psychologist: “Do most people laugh?”
Client: “No, they either don’t care or they empathize.”
Psychologist: “Do you think they’ll empathize with you?”
Client: “They won’t care.”
Psychologist: “Why guess? You can try it.”
Client: “It’s hard… but let’s do it.”

Through these conversations, we provide new experiences for the brain to understand that the world isn’t just black and white—there are other colors too.

Changing Deep-Seated Beliefs

Sometimes, our perception of the world is shaped by deep-seated beliefs, often inherited from our parents or significant adults in our childhood. These beliefs might sound like, “The world is a dangerous place,” or “Everyone lies.” However, it’s essential to recognize that your grandmother’s experience of surviving a war is different from yours. Her distrust was a survival mechanism in those times, but do you face the same dangers and shortages today? Why impose someone else’s experiences on yourself?

It’s naive to expect that everything in life will be positive. Life, like our camera metaphor, has different plates. Hoping for total positivity is like having only a rose-colored plate, which isn’t ideal either. Instead, strive to see the world in all its colors—from grays to vibrant hues—and enjoy the richness of life, just as we appreciate beautiful color photographs. So, give more likes to your life’s photos.