How to Avoid Accidental Harassment: A Guide to Respectful Interactions

In the wake of numerous scandals in Hollywood, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Hardly a day goes by without another headline announcing yet another man crossing the line. Meanwhile, Catherine Deneuve and a hundred other French women have presented a contrasting view, arguing that men should pursue women. Navigating this complex landscape can make it seem like there’s no middle ground—just a relentless witch hunt. However, a recent BBC sketch humorously tackled the idea that it’s now difficult to avoid harassing someone.

To Hug or Not to Hug

The sketch addresses many questions that arise when discussing recent news about sexual harassment. For instance: Can men hug women at work? In short, no. But let’s delve deeper: why would you want to hug women at work in the first place?

The hosts list news headlines that suggest even simple gestures can now be perceived differently, leading to a multitude of questions from men:

Can I give a woman flowers?
Yes, as long as you don’t put your penis in them.

Commentators continued the line of questioning:

How do I know if I can hug a woman?
Ask her.
It will forever remain a mystery.

Ironically, the male co-host feels uncomfortable throughout the sketch, unprepared for jokes about his appearance or jabs at his work performance. Welcome to the world women experience daily, hearing such comments ten times a day.

Recently, writer Ann Clark published a humorous guide for those still confused about what constitutes harassment. The Rock Test asks people to imagine how they would interact with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and then apply that same respect to any woman. Simple and respectful.

However, this sketch only scratches the surface. There’s still much work to be done to address the deeply ingrained rape culture. On the other hand, with so many guidelines and etiquette rules, how can men avoid getting confused? Perhaps they’re not reading carefully enough.

Who Supports a Culture of Violence

Any form of flirtation in the workplace is unacceptable. Some may think it’s normal to address colleagues with diminutive or affectionate terms, but the truth is, not all women appreciate such forms of address. Use colleagues’ full names and avoid terms like “honey” or “sweetie.”

Avoid discussing women’s physical attributes in the workplace, making open compliments, or criticizing, such as saying, “She has an amazing butt.” The argument “She asked for it by dressing provocatively” is as absurd as justifying a cannibal by saying, “He ate the person because the person looked like meat.”

Gender stereotypes also don’t improve the workplace atmosphere. For example, nothing is more irritating than pointing out a mistake to a male colleague, only to have him ask if you’re on your period because you’re being so picky.

When I fire someone, rationally explaining that they’re not meeting their tasks, I hear in response: “Just find a man and have sex, why are you being so harsh?” – Olga, an employee, in an interview with Afisha.Daily

Additionally, discussing sexual life, whether yours or your colleagues’, is entirely inappropriate at work. If a joke that comes to mind might offend a woman, and you know it—just don’t say it.

While the situation with colleagues is one thing, interactions with strangers can be more complex. Sociologists have already analyzed the letter from French celebrities and explained that the issue lies in different interpretations of hints:

Most women report that they fear saying “no” clearly and directly when a young man approaches them on the street to get acquainted. They are afraid that the man might get angry and behave aggressively in response to the refusal. Therefore, they usually try to avoid unwanted acquaintance with a smile, as politely as possible. They smile because they fear conflict. But obviously, young men can perceive this same smile as a sign that the woman is generally interested in acquaintance and is just shy.

The solution to this situation is quite simple: men should learn to accept rejections, and women should be clear in their formulations.

Meanwhile, in Russia…

While Hollywood grapples with unwanted touches and coercion into sex or watching someone’s masturbation, Russia faces even more horrifying issues. In Russia, even rape doesn’t always lead to imprisonment, let alone the concept of “harassment,” which our courts don’t recognize. There is Article 133 of the Criminal Code on coercion to sexual acts through threats or blackmail—these actions carry criminal liability, but this is already outright violence.

Sometimes, it feels like there should be fines for people who support rape. Last week, a wave of publications swept through about the murder of student Tatiana Strakhova by her roommate. Moreover, he raped her corpse several times. It might seem there’s nothing to discuss—the killer is guilty, he wrote a confession, and described the entire process in detail. But the overwhelming majority of men sided with him. According to them, the girl was no angel herself.

Some women also supported victim-blaming, as it’s easier to believe in “she asked for it.” Most likely, these aggressive comments compensate for their fear. It won’t happen to you—you’re a decent girl. Unfortunately, the truth is that no one is safe from such things, and modest clothing and a healthy lifestyle won’t protect you from someone else’s harassment. The problem lies in a society that supports violence and the idea that women owe men something.