Thriving as a New Mom: A Survival Guide to Balancing It All

“I have two little ones, and I’m the only lawyer in an IT company. I didn’t work for three days after my first child was born. I don’t have the option of grandparents helping out,” says our columnist Anna Rodionova. Today, Anna shares her survival experience. Her advice on how to get everything done is actually useful for every woman.

Congratulations, You’re Going to Be a Mom!

Perhaps one of the most joyful news in a woman’s life is, “Congratulations, you’re going to be a mom!” A firework of emotions explodes, and it feels like your heart is about to jump out of your chest and expand to the size of the universe. Your loved ones pamper and cherish you.

Time flies, and soon you’re attending childbirth preparation classes, thinking that the most important and difficult part is giving birth. You think that after birth, all questions and difficulties will end. The deed is done. You’re a happy mom. Now, there’s two pieces of news for you. And neither is very good:

After birth, everything is just beginning.
There are no survival courses for moms on maternity leave yet.

Suddenly, you realize that no one is pampering or cherishing you anymore. And well-meaning people have already decided that a mom must certainly have time to cook soup, iron laundry on both sides, engage in self-development and yoga, and rhyme everything she sees into a poem.

I suggest we question these “determinations” and consider more effective ways to learn how to live with a child, manage time and resources, and not forget to live in the process. Because you need to stay alive.

Create a Schedule

Anywhere and however is convenient for you: notes on the fridge, reminders on your phone, or a calendar. This will, first of all, free up your memory (which will already be working overtime like a blender pureeing broccoli). Secondly, to-do lists where you can cross out even one task in the evening are excellent for preventing attempts to devalue your own efforts during the day.

A bonus from crossing out completed tasks is an additional release of endorphins, which are worth their weight in gold during maternity leave.

Delegate Everything That Someone Else Can Do

I highly recommend doing this before you find yourself at an emotional low. Burnout is insidious because it creeps up suddenly and is very reluctant to leave. It’s better to keep your distance from it.

The freed-up time may be just enough to regain your desire to live, to enthusiastically build pyramids with your child, and to read “Moydodyr” for the thousandth time with bated breath.

And this is much more important than the fact that the floor won’t be perfectly mopped, grandma’s soup will be oversalted, and dad will watch cartoons with the baby for half an hour.

Ask for Help

Sometimes, the very act of accepting help from outside is emotionally equated by a young mother to admitting her own insignificance and helplessness.

A couple of stories about how children were raised five at a time without a washing machine and diapers. And now the polite “Thank you, I can do it myself,” spoken aloud, deep inside the mother sounds like, “If I ask for help, it means I can’t cope. Everyone around me is coping. But I’m not.”

The truth is that no one is coping. Some are just ready to talk about it, while others “keep up appearances.” And with the other hand, they hold a pack of valerian just as tightly.

People help not because they want to humiliate, but because they love and care about you. Thank them and accept the help.

Plan, but Allow for Things to Go Wrong

There are plenty of factors beyond your control during maternity leave: children sneeze, husbands go into “I’ll be late” mode, roots grow and don’t dye themselves. Sometimes, the best thing you can do in a day is to tell yourself, “Days like this happen too, I’m okay.”

The beauty is that tomorrow will indeed be a new day. And it’s quite likely that it will be better than yesterday.

Do Housework While the Children Are Awake

And dedicate the time when the children are sleeping to yourself (having tea sitting down and alone also counts as dedicating time to yourself).

Experienced moms say that even cooking soup can be turned into a developmental activity. For example, you can study “big-small” while peeling potatoes, train your memory with cheesecake recipes, play a guessing game by saying, “Open your mouth, close your eyes.”

And I haven’t met any children yet who can resist the offer to help mom with wet cleaning.

Simplify Processes

Even if guests used to line up for your three-tiered cakes, and neighbors talked for years about the cleanliness of your home, try not to complicate things after having a child.

Children can eat yesterday’s soup.
The dirty floor can stay that way until tomorrow.
You can sleep on unironed laundry.
A multicooker can cook several dishes at once.
Cleaning services don’t cost an arm and a leg anymore.
And it’s easier to delegate something that’s not too complicated to do.

Agree, the probability of finding someone willing to help with the request “Please cook some soup” is much higher than with the request “Please make an Italian-style omelet with Herbes de Provence and a peacock feather.”

Add Something Pleasurable to Your To-Do Lists

Otherwise, soon the children will get a screaming mom, the husband an unhappy wife, and it’s better not to visit the mother-in-law at all. You can spend years of maternity leave earning the titles of a mom who does it all with panda circles under her eyes or “Miss Pot” in the “Fresh Borscht” category.

But there’s a nuance. They don’t give Oscars for this. The audience sympathy prize isn’t given either. And it’s only up to you who and in what state you will celebrate your child’s first birthday. And the third one, after which going out “into the world” is inevitable, too.

For more insights, check out this helpful guide for new moms.