What to Do When Someone Is Angry with You

Many of us spend our entire lives trying not to offend anyone accidentally. If you recall several serious discussions and the decisions made as a result, you might realize that many of your choices were made to avoid angering a loved one. This happens because we often don’t know what to do when someone is angry with us.

Ensure Your Safety

First, assess whether you are in danger or if you can start an honest and open dialogue. If you feel uncomfortable, increase the distance between you. If possible, move to where other people are present. Never stay in a room with no other exit, such as a bathroom, and avoid places with objects that can be used as weapons.

Listen to What They Are Saying

The worst thing you can do is immediately try to resolve the issue without understanding the situation and why the person has such a strong reaction. When people are angry, they often speak provocatively, which can trigger an emotional response in you. However, it’s important to listen to the main message and ignore the jabs. Additionally, allowing the other person to express their anger can help them calm down faster.

Remember, Anger Doesn’t Make Someone a Bad Person

We have certain perceptions about people who get angry. Many even believe that if someone is constantly angry, they are not a good person. It’s important to remember this bias to avoid becoming its victim and ruining good relationships due to stereotypes.

Control Your Emotions

Your reaction to someone else’s anger says a lot about your own beliefs. If you feel that someone is being too harsh with you, it reflects your attitude towards anger in general. And most likely, you constantly suppress your feelings. If you react calmly, it can help defuse the tension. A harsh response, on the other hand, usually only worsens the situation. Try taking a walk and being silent for a while before continuing the conversation.

Don’t Shut Down During an Argument

We are often taught to defend ourselves and keep our emotions in check during serious confrontations. However, psychologist Lillian Ostrum recommends expressing to your interlocutor how conflicted you feel, what you think, and what you feel:

“I’m confused. I don’t know how to continue this conversation because, on the one hand, I feel like you’re being unfair to me, but on the other hand, our relationship is very important to me.”

This is a good way to start an open dialogue and it can show a lot to the angry person.

Ask Questions

Be curious. If they are angry about something you said, find out what bothered them and whether they think you did it intentionally. Try to see the other person’s point of view, even if you don’t agree with it. Be an active listener. Show that you are genuinely paying attention to their words. Maintain eye contact and occasionally repeat what the interlocutor is saying.

Don’t Mention Your Circumstances

Your reasons for acting a certain way can only fuel the conflict. Even if your intentions were purely good, at this moment, the person is dealing with the consequences of your actions, and they don’t like them. Say that you now understand how your actions affected them. This can even help you better understand the situation.

Ask for Suggestions

It would be appropriate to ask, “What can I do to help in this situation?”. This will prompt the person to look for solutions. It’s also a great way to help them understand that they have someone who genuinely cares about their affairs. Not to mention, the new solution will be mutual and agreed upon. If the person is still very irritated, perhaps they just need some time. Be patient and pay close attention to their further words. Any relationship can go through rough patches, but that doesn’t mean you should give up on them.

Say Thank You

As strange as it may sound, arguments can help people grow closer. Resolving problems and discussing past experiences that led to the argument can truly improve your relationship.

For further reading, you can visit Psychology Today for more insights on handling conflicts and improving relationships.