Wanting vs. Needing a Relationship: Understanding the Difference

Most relationships begin with desire. When you fall in love, you want that person very much. Over time, as your love grows, your partner becomes more familiar, and it may seem like you could never live without them. However, if you find yourself wanting more, that desire can turn into a need. If your happiness depends on someone else’s actions, then you might have a problem. You lose your own desires, stop striving for your dreams, and can barely remember what life was like before you met them. Here are several ways to distinguish between wanting and needing a relationship.

Wanting: Knowing Your Worth, Needing: Settling for Less

Forget about spending all your time with someone who just happened to come into your life. Being a strong, independent woman means remembering your value. If a guy tries to interfere with your life, make it boring, or repeatedly lets you down, don’t hesitate to show him the door. Letting go of the idea that you need to be with someone and setting higher standards will help you find what you truly want.

Wanting: Sharing Your Strength, Needing: Seeking Approval

Desiring to build a healthy relationship means wanting to share your life without needing to feel “complete” because of the relationship. If you are secure in yourself, you will be secure with or without a partner. You don’t need their approval or support to feel okay. Wanting to find a man means finding someone you will value and respect, but whose opinion you will never place above your own.

Wanting: Standing Firm, Needing: Compromising

The feeling that you absolutely need a man can lead to unhealthy compromises, excuses for bad behavior, and more. When you want to find a man, you look for an equal who will allow you to express your beliefs and values. If you stick to your principles, you will find a partner who you not only want but also deserve.

Wanting: Owning Your Power, Needing: Seeking Control

The best part of being strong is feeling secure. You will never lose your voice out of fear that disagreement might leave you alone. When you are truly ready for a relationship, you look for someone who appreciates your strength and will never try to control you. This applies to everything from choosing a movie for the evening to dividing household chores. If you want a man who will ask for your opinion and take your thoughts seriously.

Wanting: Being Yourself, Needing: Losing Your Essence

Changing in a relationship is a great experience, but losing yourself is not worth it. Wanting a man means finding someone who supports your independence and your desire to have your own friends, hobbies, and interests. If you start skipping traditional gatherings or forget what it’s like to spend time alone, you will quickly forget who you are without him. A partner should not become a part of your identity.

Wanting: Putting in the Work, Needing: Living in a Fantasy

Relationships require work. Wanting a man means you are ready to put in the effort, expecting him to do the same. The end result will be worth it. When you need someone, you paint a picture of idealized relationships, which is a sure recipe for disappointment.

Wanting: Feeling Ready, Needing: Feeling Lonely

If you haven’t been in a relationship for a long time, you might feel lonely. And when you see that all your friends have already found their partners, you might be tempted to settle for the first guy who pays attention to you. However, wanting to find a partner means feeling like you are ready for a serious relationship, not just looking for company to alleviate loneliness.

Wanting: Balance, Needing: Dependency

Even when you want to find a man, you still want to live your own life. If you need a guy, it can lead to obsession and constant thoughts about where he is, what he’s doing, and what plans he’s making. A guy should only be a part of your life puzzle!

Wanting: Love, Needing: Codependency

When someone needs a remedy for loneliness and self-reassurance, it often ends with feeling dependent on someone who isn’t worth it. “I’ll die if you leave” sounds romantic, but it’s far from how happy couples behave. It often turns into “we’re miserable together, but it’s unbearable apart. Better to keep tormenting each other.”