Turning Envy into Motivation: A Guide to Personal Growth

Have you ever felt that gnawing sensation of envy when a colleague or friend shares news of a promotion, a great purchase, or exciting travel plans? It’s a common feeling, especially when someone else achieves what you’ve been dreaming of. Envy is often categorized as black or white, but neither shade feels good. Society tells us that envy is bad and should be eliminated. However, we can take control of this emotion and turn it into a powerful motivator.

Understanding Envy

Our emotions, flaws, and skills are not random; they are the result of a long evolutionary process. Envy, like other emotions, has evolved to help us navigate important events and communicate with others. According to Dr. Lauren Appio, a psychologist from Manhattan:

All our emotions have evolved to orient us to important events happening around us and to allow us to communicate with other people. From a survival standpoint, if we are not getting enough food or other necessities, envy will motivate us to fight for our fair share.

In 2011, scientists Niels van de Ven, Marcel Zeelenberg, and Rik Pieters found a link between envy, motivation, and performance. Their research showed that benevolent envy, unlike other emotions related to upward social comparisons, can stimulate better performance. Benevolent envy, though initially disappointing, can lead to motivation and improvement.

Scientists distinguish between envy and admiration. Admiration is simply appreciating someone else’s good fortune. For example, you might admire Adele’s talent without feeling unhappy because you don’t have her voice. Envy, on the other hand, occurs when you feel you could have achieved the same success as someone else but haven’t.

Using Envy as a Motivator

Envy is a negative feeling, but it has a purpose. Just as the pain from burning your tongue on hot coffee serves as a warning, envy can serve as a motivator. Professor Sara Hill of Texas Christian University and her colleagues studied the cognitive effects of envy and found that:

We found that in several studies, each experience of envy actually increases our attention and memory for information about our competitors or close social connections.

In other words, envy focuses our attention on the object of our envy. When I see a brilliant text written by a colleague, I might feel envious and inadequate. But according to Sara Hill, this type of envy can be beneficial because it makes you aware of your position in your career and motivates you to achieve more.

However, it’s important not to overindulge in comparing yourself to others. Envy can be destructive to your motivation, warns Hill:

We found that when people experience envy, they lose the ability to focus on other things.

Identifying the Cause of Envy

To use envy as a motivator, you need to understand its cause. Often, we react to situations without analyzing our feelings, missing opportunities for growth.

For example, scrolling through Lena Temnikova’s Instagram, you see her vacationing in the Maldives, eating delicious food, and swimming with turtles. What exactly are you envious of? Is it the vacation, the adventure, the photography skills, or perhaps her career as a singer? Envy can help you clarify your goals and desires. While you might not be able to vacation in the Maldives tomorrow or become a star, perhaps what you really need is a small break and a short trip out of town.

Don’t Beat Yourself Up for Feeling Envious

When you feel envious, it’s common to also feel shame for having such thoughts. You might scold yourself for feeling petty, which only makes things worse. The first step in dealing with destructive emotions is to acknowledge them and move on.

Don’t try to mask envy with insincere happiness for someone else’s success. Instead, admit to yourself that you feel envious and understand why. Recognize that someone else’s luck doesn’t make you a failure. It’s just part of the human experience.

Try to Get Closer to the People You Envy

While you might not be able to get close to Lena Temnikova, you can apply the “opposite action strategy” with a colleague who seems to always be ahead of you. Instead of resenting their success, congratulate and support them. According to Lauren Appio, supporting a more fortunate person can be your antidote to envy:

Practicing opposite action can actually generate different states and feelings in you. It can make you feel more generous, optimistic, and warm-hearted.

Even better, offer to help them with a new project or important task. This way, you’ll feel like a part of their achievement, leading to pride rather than envy.

If you don’t approach your envy from a pragmatic perspective, you might miss out on opportunities for success and remain stuck in the cycle of envy.

For further reading on motivation, you can check out this article on self-motivation.