Triumph Over Tragedy: One Woman’s Journey Through Grief to Healing
A Journey Through Unimaginable Loss
Julie Zarifeh’s life took a devastating turn when she lost her husband and son within weeks of each other. Instead of letting the pain consume her, she chose to fight back, using what she calls ‘active mourning’ to heal and reclaim her life.
The Night That Changed Everything
On a December evening in 2017, Julie found herself in a movie theater, trying to escape the reality of her husband Paul’s recent passing. But life had other plans. A phone call from a neighbor revealed that the police were at her house. Her heart sank; she knew it wasn’t good news. Her eldest son, Sam, had tragically drowned in a rafting accident. Just like that, Julie had to plan another funeral, mere days after burying her husband.
The Weight of Grief
The loss was almost too much to bear. Julie describes a physical sickness, an adrenaline rush that left her sleepless and unable to eat. As a clinical psychologist, she had spent her career helping others process grief, but this was different. This was personal. The pain was compounded by the loss of her brother to a brain tumor, her father 18 months before Paul, and her mother to dementia just nine months after Sam’s death.
Active Mourning: A Path to Healing
Julie’s journey to healing wasn’t conventional. She chose ‘active grieving,’ pushing herself out of her comfort zone to outrun the grief. This led her to embark on a series of physical challenges and adventures, each one a step further on her path to recovery.
Cycling Through Sri Lanka
Julie’s first adventure was a fundraising cycling trip around Sri Lanka. She joined a group of Kiwis raising funds for Variety’s Bikes for Kids program. The trip was a distraction, a chance to be anonymous with her grief. The physical activity, new connections, and altruism helped her live with her profound grief without being consumed by it.
The Camino Pilgrimage
Next, Julie signed up for the Camino de Santiago, an 800km pilgrimage route through Europe. The simplicity of the journey, putting one foot in front of the other each day, was therapeutic. The beauty of the surroundings and the friendships formed along the way provided a much-needed distraction from her grief.
The New York City Marathon
Julie’s final physical challenge was running the New York City Marathon. Fundraising for the Mental Health Foundation, she completed the marathon in just under five hours. Crossing the finish line in Central Park was an emotional moment, a testament to her strength and dedication.
Lessons Learned
Julie acknowledges that not everyone has the resources or the opportunity to embark on such journeys. She feels fortunate to have had the support and the time to heal in her own way. Her story is a testament to the power of active mourning, of pushing oneself to keep living, loving, and laughing despite the pain.
Conclusion
Julie’s journey through grief is a powerful reminder that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to healing. Her story inspires us to find our own path, to keep moving forward, and to never let grief define us.
For more information on active grieving and coping with loss, you can visit the American Psychological Association website.
