The Impact of Swapping Gender Roles in Relationships

Recently, Dazed magazine featured an art project by Chinese artist Pixy Yijun Liao, exploring a complex and often controversial topic in modern culture: the swapping of gender roles in relationships. Liao’s series of photographs reflects not only the societal structure of China but also the concepts of love, relationships, and gender in human life. In the introduction to her photo session, Liao notes that despite the increased freedom in modern Chinese society, where women work alongside men, there remains a prevalent belief that men should be the heads of households and bear traditionally male responsibilities.

Relationships: A Chemical Bond

The first and perhaps most crucial aspect to understand about relationships is that they are fundamentally based on hormones. It might surprise modern individuals to learn that men and women have distinct roles at a hormonal, rather than social, level. A key hormone, testosterone, significantly influences how happy men and women feel in their relationships. Alongside testosterone, oxytocin plays a vital role in creating feelings of happiness and acts as a natural antidepressant for both partners.

The level of testosterone in both men and women is not solely regulated by biology but is also linked to their psychological state, which in turn is affected by the performance of their gender roles. When a woman takes on responsibilities traditionally assigned to men, her testosterone levels increase. Consequently, she experiences stress from bearing a burden that is not physiologically suited to her, and she lacks the means to alleviate this stress because her partner’s testosterone levels decrease as he has ‘nothing to do.’ The man is left to assume a more feminine role. In doing so, he can no longer fulfill his masculine role, which differs from women who can perform both roles simultaneously. As a result, the woman’s oxytocin levels do not rise, nor does the man’s testosterone.

Nature, Not Sexism

We are all familiar with traditional gender roles: men are expected to work and provide for their families, while women are supposed to offer comfort, manage the household, and raise children. However, in modern society, these roles have become less distinct. Both men and women now pursue active lifestyles, prioritizing careers, hobbies, dreams, and self-improvement over family life and procreation. This shift is entirely normal in today’s world. However, the natural need for hormonal balance has not kept pace with these societal changes. The framework for psychologically happy relationships remains the same but must be adapted to fit contemporary situations.

Women need support, attention, affection, and, most importantly, the opportunity to be heard. Men also require support but primarily need to feel valued and appreciated. When a man meets a woman’s needs for attention and care, gratitude comes naturally. The man feels needed, which motivates him to continue his efforts. At this point, his testosterone levels determine his stress resilience and overall happiness. A woman whose desires are met by her partner feels cared for, motivating her to invest in the relationship. Her stress is alleviated by the man’s support, replenishing her energy and allowing her to give back to her partner. This dynamic triggers the release of oxytocin in the woman’s body, making her feel happy. This simple yet profound mechanism forms the foundation of strong and happy relationships.

What Happens When Gender Roles Are Swapped

Role reversal in relationships can occur for various reasons, and partners may not always notice or may tolerate the change. Both men and women might be unprepared for serious relationships, financially or emotionally unstable, or have deep-seated issues from childhood, complexes, or personality traits that hinder their ability to build healthy relationships, such as narcissism, egoism, aggression, misogyny, or immaturity.

When a man cannot fulfill his role in a relationship, the woman often takes over. Not all women accept this shift, but in many cases, problems, loss of passion and romance, depression, and unhappiness arise because the woman missed the moment when she needed to take control. She takes on a heavy burden, striving to preserve the relationship, support her partner, and show him how much he means to her. This often happens naturally because, hormonally, a woman’s happiness is linked to ‘serving’ her man. In the early stages of a relationship, a woman, driven by passion and romance, gives her emotions, time, material gifts, and love to her partner without expecting anything in return. This act of giving brings her happiness, seeing her partner happy. During this time, oxytocin is released in her body, and her brain associates this hormone release with the act of giving.

However, to continue giving and being happy, a woman also needs to receive. As the initial romance fades and relationships are tested over time, the natural need for mutual emotional exchange becomes crucial. If a woman receives nothing in return, logic suggests she should stop giving. Modern advice often tells women to love and value themselves, implying they should not give to those who do not reciprocate. Yet, a woman may feel compelled to give even more, thinking she has not given enough. Her body remembers that giving brings positive emotions, so she continues to give, hoping it will help. But oxytocin is not released because she has lost her gender role. She is now performing the man’s role, endlessly trying to please her partner. Over time, her condition worsens, and she becomes unhappy. In the best-case scenario, the couple breaks up; in the worst, her dissatisfaction turns into aggression towards her partner.

Meanwhile, the man, who constantly receives without giving, loses the need to contribute. Subconsciously, he feels that the woman can handle everything herself, making him feel unnecessary. Consequently, he may experience bad moods, depression, boredom, and even a low libido due to decreased testosterone levels. He may start demanding what he should be providing to the woman: attention, the chance to express himself, and even protection. Naturally, the woman feels compelled to provide all this, further exacerbating the imbalance.

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