Stitching Through Sorrow: A Mother’s Journey of Healing After Loss

Stitching Through Sorrow: A Mother’s Journey of Healing After Loss

In the quiet corners of her Hamilton home, Sarah Oliver finds solace in the hum of her sewing machine. The joyful cooing of her newborn, Amalie, has been replaced by a deafening silence, a stark reminder of the tragedy that struck her family. In March last year, just four weeks after her birth, Amalie passed away from a brain tumor. Today, Sarah channels her grief into creating dress-up costumes for children, a therapeutic outlet that has become a beacon of hope and healing.

The Birth of Amalie’s Room

Sarah’s former career as an early childhood teacher inspired her to start Amalie’s Room, a heartfelt project where she lovingly handcrafts aprons, wands, and crowns for children. These whimsical items are not just playthings; they are a testament to a mother’s love and a way to keep Amalie’s memory alive.

“All I have left from Amalie is her room,” says Sarah, now 30, who grew up in Morrinsville, rural Waikato. “After the first lockdown last year, I started to make things she’d want to play with in there if she was here. It’s really nice to have her name out there, to always be spoken.”

A Love Story and the Dream of Motherhood

Sarah’s journey to motherhood began almost a decade ago when she met her husband, Doug, at a nightclub in Hamilton. Both were university students studying teaching, and they quickly bonded over their shared humor and positive outlook on life. Their dream was to start a family together.

“Growing up, I always knew I wanted to be a mum,” Sarah recalls. “I had a really cool childhood and enjoyed just being at home with Mum, baking or helping fold washing and making the beds. I asked myself what job I could do to be the closest thing to a mum, and that was a teacher.”

The Struggle to Conceive

After living and working in England with Doug for a couple of years, Sarah suggested they try for a baby. However, the journey to conception was not as straightforward as they had hoped. “When you start trying for a baby, you naively think you’ll just fall pregnant,” says Sarah. “Every month, I’d take a pregnancy test and wonder why it wasn’t working.”

The couple turned to a fertility company in Hamilton and discovered they needed to undergo in vitro fertilization (IVF). After two attempts, Sarah finally fell pregnant with Amalie. “I couldn’t believe it! It almost felt surreal,” she smiles. “Everything went smoothly, and I loved being pregnant.”

The Arrival of Amalie

Amalie was born on February 17, 2020, a perfect baby with a lovely round head. “She was two centimeters above the average height, with mousy brown hair,” Doug recalls tearfully. “I remember thinking she was absolutely perfect and so gorgeous.”

The couple had meticulously prepared for Amalie’s arrival, renovating their home and spending countless hours in her room, folding and refolding clothes. They had chosen the name Amalie because it was unique and beautiful, a name they had come across during their time in England.

The Heartbreaking Diagnosis

At around two weeks old, Amalie began to display unusual signs. She wasn’t doing the newborn mouth reflex when she was hungry, and her eyes started shaking. The worried parents took Amalie to the GP, but the symptoms were initially dismissed as normal newborn behavior.

When Sarah couldn’t wake Amalie from an eight-hour sleep, they headed to Waikato Hospital. An MRI revealed a mass on Amalie’s brain. “Then came the dreaded C word: cancer,” Sarah recalls. “Due to where it was in her brain stem, they said nothing could be done.”

The Final Days

The family was transferred to Starship Children’s Hospital in Auckland, where the best oncologists confirmed the tumor was irremovable. Chemotherapy was not an option for a baby so young, and the prognosis was grim. “I had to ask how long she had, and they said it could be months or days,” Doug says. “That was a really hard conversation to have.”

Just two days after Amalie’s diagnosis, she suffered several seizures. “They gave her morphine so she was comfortable; she never woke up again to feed,” recalls Sarah. “We were told it was time.”

Surrounded by family and with the Auckland city skyline in the background, the couple watched as nurses removed the monitors attached to their beloved daughter. “She looked beautiful and peaceful, with the sun shining through the window onto her,” Sarah whispers. “Then she passed away in my arms.”

Healing Through Creativity

The last year has brought unbearable grief, but through Amalie’s Room, Sarah has found a way to heal. Each stitch is a step forward, a way to honor Amalie’s memory and bring joy to other children. “It’s really nice to have her name out there, to always be spoken,” Sarah says.

In her quiet kitchen, Sarah continues to sew, turning sheets of fabric into magical costumes. It’s a labor of love, a mother’s journey through sorrow, and a testament to the healing power of creativity.

For more information on coping with grief, visit the HelpGuide website.