Standing by Their Heroes: The Lives of Modern Military Wives

Russian women have always been known for their strength and resilience. The wives of the Decembrists, who followed their husbands into Siberian exile, traded their noble status for the heavy stigma of being convicts’ wives. Today, while exile may be a thing of the past, women continue to wait, support, and follow their loved ones to any corner of the country. Can we count among them those who live with military men? I’ve always been drawn to the stories of servicemen and the realities of their challenging lives, so I spoke with girls who call themselves modern-day wives of the Decembrists. They shared with me what it’s like to love and wait for a military man, worry about his safety, and the privileges that modern men in uniform possess.

A Decembrist’s Wife: Tayia, 23, Voronezh Region

My husband’s name is Artem, he’s a senior lieutenant serving in the rocket forces in the Voronezh Region, in a closed unit. The unit itself is small, but we can’t complain too much. My father was also a serviceman, so I’ve spent my entire life in a military town. A military wife is not some supernatural being. I think I’m just as ordinary a wife as anyone else around me.

At the beginning of our life together, his business trips were almost back-to-back. He could leave for two or three days, or he could leave me alone for a whole month. I didn’t so much not notice the loneliness and constant absence of my husband, but rather I didn’t have time to be sad, as I was studying full-time at a university 200 kilometers away from the military unit and only came to visit my husband on weekends.

There were times when I would skip a week of university, but only to spend more time with him. With our life, I had to not sit at home waiting for my loved one, but rather constantly leave home. But we managed, I finished my studies, and now we’re together almost every day. There are days when he goes on duty, usually once a week, but even that I hardly notice anymore.

We don’t have children yet, but we’re already a real family – husband and wife. So, in time, we’ll be adding to our family ranks.

Being a military wife means experiencing constant fear, even when you’re sure that he’s personally not in danger. The TV is always showing wars, terrorist attacks. I know how our servicemen in Syria are carrying a not-so-easy service, God willing, may it all end someday. I believe that we live in a peaceful country and around us is a wonderful and peaceful time. But I think that this internal fear can’t be completely extinguished, it will always be with me. I knew what I was getting into, so I don’t allow myself to be ruled by negativity, I believe and live only with joyful thoughts.

Many girls say that it’s very hard to wait for their man who is serving, fulfilling his duty to the Motherland. I, on the other hand, think that it’s the opposite, it’s him who waits for me. The longest period of our separation was only two months, during which we didn’t see each other at all, I couldn’t come visit. But there are cases when wives and girls wait for their partners for years.

Foreign travel is always out of the question in our life. Neither he nor I can go abroad, but we’re not upset, as neither of us have ever been there: both he and I are children of military people. We believe that before going beyond the borders of our country, we should thoroughly explore and visit our native corners. Of course, sometimes you look at other countries, how good and beautiful it is there, and you want to go, but you understand that life goes on, when we fulfill our duty to the Motherland, then we’ll go. And then you sit and think further: no, there will be a dacha, we’ll go there – silence and beauty. And still, not a bit upset, after all, travels abroad are not the main thing in life.

While we’re not together, life goes by very quickly, there’s no time to be sad. Until June 2016, I was a student, so my weekdays were filled with studies, classmates, and trips to my husband’s unit every weekend. There, in our military-family nest, there are always things to do like cooking, cleaning, and family chores. But this year I graduated from university, and I have time for entertainment. Again, order and cleanliness in the house are still there, cooking dinners, lunches. I really love to cook, I look for new recipes and try them out, my husband appreciates it.

There’s also a cat, I also spend time with him during the day, I go to the store for small things, that’s how a weekday passes. There was a time when I did cross-stitch embroidery. Periodically, with other wives like me, we go for walks. You can’t say that it’s a routine and it’s boring, no, all this, strangely enough, brings me pleasure.

My husband and I are very big patriots! We love and are proud of our country, its victories and heroes, we appreciate that we live precisely in Russia. I believe that the work of the military is appreciated as it should be, because they carry a heavy burden.

We move very often, but I can’t call such a life unstable. We knew from the very beginning what we were getting into and were ready to travel around the country. It’s good, we see new places, make good acquaintances. The financial side is not as difficult as it seems, because there is no more stable organization in our country than the Ministry of Defense, it has always been and will be.

Living with a military man is also good because it’s an excellent test for relationships. I support my husband in everything, we chose each other and are going hand in hand along our path. We don’t have scandals, because there’s simply no time for them, he’s always at service.

I am inspired by the exploits and achievements of our country’s military and believe that my husband still has everything ahead of him, because he has only been serving for two years. I believe that a sufficiently valuable achievement is already the fact that both lower and higher ranks listen to Artem’s opinion, they respect and value him as a necessary person in the service, and I am proud of him.

We haven’t had to rush yet, because my husband hasn’t been transferred from his unit, but we’re prepared for that too. My ’emergency’ suitcase is always at hand and ready for work and defense. And I will follow my husband to any corner of the world, not because I have to or was ordered to, but because I love him. That’s why at the graduation ceremony, I was nominated for the title of ‘Decembrist’s Wife’.

Honeymoon in the Border Troops: Ksenia, 25, Voronezh Region

My fiancé is a military man, serving in the border troops. Life together has taught me that, above all, you need to be patient, because my future husband’s job is very serious, there are different situations that affect his mood and overall psychological state, and he doesn’t always have the opportunity to share. The specifics of the profession don’t allow revealing some secrets. It’s very hard when you don’t know what’s bothering your loved one.

My fiancé leaves the house every day. Weekends happen only twice a week, and we find out about them the day before. We’ve been dating for three years, during which time we’ve managed to live apart while I was studying and he was serving. But now university is behind me, and on August 12, we’re getting married, after which I’ll move to him.

I remember that once we didn’t see each other for a whole four months. At that time, he was still studying, and there was no opportunity to meet. But now the separations are behind us, and I’m preparing for new distances, but most likely, I’ll have the opportunity to be nearby.

Like many other military men, my future husband won’t be able to go abroad, both before and after his discharge, for another 5 years. I can travel, but I don’t have a particular desire to go somewhere without him. I don’t even know where we’ll celebrate our honeymoon, and most likely, it won’t be like the standard vacations of newlyweds, because my fiancé is a serviceman.

We haven’t had the experience of living together yet, only those dates when I came to him, cooked, pleased him with something nice. Of course, I already want to fully enter into family life.

My beloved and I have very strong relationships, despite the distances and rare opportunities to really spend time just for ourselves. We don’t quarrel, we never arrange scandals.