Overthinking Can Be Harmful: A Psychologist's Guide to Avoiding Conflict and Preserving Your Peace

Overthinking Can Be Harmful: A Psychologist’s Guide to Avoiding Conflict and Preserving Your Peace

We’ve all experienced conflict at some point in our lives, and the memories are often unpleasant. Whether we’ve lost our temper, said something we regret, or felt humiliated, conflicts can leave a lasting impact. Marina Kurlovich, a psychologist at the Minsk City Clinical Center for Psychiatry and Psychotherapy, shares her insights on minimizing conflicts and resolving them with dignity.

Understanding Conflict

Conflict, derived from the Latin word ‘conflictus’ meaning ‘to clash,’ is the most acute way to resolve disagreements in interests, goals, and views among different people. It’s characterized by opposition, negative emotions, and often disregards rules and norms.

Strategies for Handling Conflict

Modern conflict resolution identifies five strategies for dealing with conflict situations:

Accommodation: One party agrees with the other but suppresses their own opinion due to fear of expression.
Avoidance: Evading the conflict situation altogether.
Compromise: Finding a solution that is acceptable to both parties.
Competition: Actively opposing the other party.
Collaboration: Discussing and implementing a mutually beneficial solution.

Main Types of Conflicts and Their Resolution

Conflicts can be broadly categorized into two types. The first type arises from specific issues, feelings, or values. Individuals may find themselves involved in such conflicts unconsciously, regardless of their intentions. Resolving these conflicts in your favor requires a delicate approach.

To defuse the situation, maintain a confident demeanor and calmly present your viewpoint, ignoring any provocations. If you must respond to provocations, do so tactfully and subtly. If possible, garner support from others, but ensure they side with you willingly, perhaps by demonstrating your worthiness.

The second type of conflict involves persistent provocation from the offender. In such cases, individuals subconsciously attribute their actions to the mistakes of others. To avoid such conflicts, cultivate ‘iron’ endurance—ignore provocations and skillfully deflect them, regardless of the opponent’s arguments.

Principles of Non-Conflict: Building Healthy Relationships

You’ve likely heard someone described as a non-conflict person. What makes them stand out? By adopting certain traits, you can learn to avoid conflicts and resolve them effectively.

Show Interest: Demonstrate interest in your conversation partner, maintaining dialogue under any circumstances.
Be on the Same Wavelength: Adapt to others without being overly obsequious or constantly objecting.
Control Your Speech: Avoid rude words and phrases like ‘never’ or ‘no way,’ which can escalate tensions.
Avoid Sensitive Topics: Steer clear of topics that may upset others or bring up old grievances. Avoid gossip and maintain a neutral stance.
Use Humor Wisely: Joke appropriately and cautiously, avoiding personal or external criticisms.
Avoid Superiority: Refrain from constantly pointing out others’ mistakes, even if you believe you are always right. Everyone makes mistakes, and it’s not an opportunity to accuse or belittle others.

Key Rules for Resolving Any Conflict

Stay Composed: Control your emotions in any situation, whether it’s avoiding family conflicts or resolving disputes with your boss. Address problems calmly and harmoniously.
Avoid Overthinking: Sometimes, overthinking can be harmful, especially when dwelling on events that haven’t even occurred.
Timing and Circumstances: Reflect on when and under what circumstances conflicts often arise. You’ll find that they usually happen when you’re already having a bad day. Schedule negotiations for the afternoon when people are more rested and engaged.
Look at the Bigger Picture: To resolve conflicts, consider the broader context beyond the negative situation.
Focus on the Present: Let go of past grievances and unpleasant memories, focusing solely on the current moment. However, don’t suppress problems or harbor resentment. Address issues as they arise rather than letting them accumulate. If necessary, express your grievances tactfully to clear your mind.
Maintain Civility: Avoid insults, hysterics, and sarcasm. Don’t nitpick others’ words or blame yourself excessively.

Remember, with the right approach, you can resolve even the most complex conflicts. The key is willingness.

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