Navigating Life's Curveballs: The Essential Stages of Coping with Major Change

Navigating Life’s Curveballs: The Essential Stages of Coping with Major Change

Life-altering events such as illness, loss of a loved one, breakups, or catastrophes are inevitable. Recently, many of us have experienced a significant shift in our reality. People react differently to such changes—some get angry and seek someone to blame, others try to fix things, while some pretend nothing is happening. All these reactions are normal. Our psyche needs time to adapt and must go through certain stages that are unavoidable.

The Five Natural Stages of Stress

Stress doesn’t disappear quickly; it gradually transitions from one stage to another. However, these stages don’t always follow a textbook sequence. The five natural stages of stress can disrupt our internal hierarchy and surface unexpectedly. Yesterday, many experienced apathy, while today, aggression might be prevalent. Nevertheless, there is a pattern.

Why Understand the Stages of Stress?

Knowing these stages isn’t meant to keep us stuck in a victim mentality. If we find ourselves in these stages, our goal should be to move through them as quickly as possible.

Stage 1: Denial

This is the stage of distraction. Outwardly, it may appear as a desire to escape through activities like reading books or watching movies, as if nothing has changed. “I am absolutely calm; everything will be as it was before.” This is a psychological defense mechanism—suppression. People suppress reality to cope, but this can trap them. External life continues, while internally, they live in a different reality. During denial, people may regress to childlike behaviors, often resembling those of a child under five.

To move past this stage, it’s crucial to stay grounded in the present moment.

Stage 2: Aggression

This stage involves searching for a cause. Like denial, aggression is a survival mechanism. If someone was previously passive, they might start taking action during this stage.

This stage often involves blaming others, as there’s a need to release adrenaline and cortisol. The intense internal energy must be released either verbally or physically. Here, people might either go mad with rage, channel their energy into achieving a specific goal, or make a significant decision to change their life radically.

Since the old structure is already destroyed, everything needs to start anew.

Stage 3: Bargaining

At this stage, people have stopped clinging to the old system of values and have reluctantly accepted the current situation. They might have even found someone to blame for what happened.

Now is the time to create a “new life” and form a new system of values. If the old system took years to build, the new one must be established quickly. This process can be painful, as it involves a harsh audit of one’s values and relationships.

This stage is dangerous because people might unconsciously adopt others’ ideas. They actively seek information, observe how others are coping, and try to find what might work for them. It’s incredibly important to get confirmation that their choices are correct. There’s a lot of bargaining to avoid making mistakes. When unsure, people seek external support.

Internal dialogue becomes active during this stage. It’s crucial to find external resources and acknowledge one’s strengths without excessive modesty (skills, knowledge, experience, etc.). However, creating a viable new system of values in a state of internal chaos is impossible.

Stage 4: Depression

This is the stage of freezing. People realize that the past cannot be restored but feel unwilling to act. They withdraw, experience burnout, and enter survival mode.

This means they have expended too much energy in the previous stages. First, they denied the situation for a long time, then they were angry and shouted, and then they bargained with themselves. By the time they make a decision, they lack the energy to start a new life. Psychologically, this is understandable; the “old version” of themselves has given up.

However, this freezing or relaxation can be seen as rest before a new phase. At this stage, it’s important to gather resources on all levels—strict personal hygiene, maintaining physical fitness, and looking beyond the horizon.

In short, it’s okay to freeze, but not for too long, to avoid slipping into depression.