Mastering the Art of Persuasion: How to Convince Others Without Conflict

Renowned actress Barbara Brylska, famous for her role in the movie “The Irony of Fate,” once said, “I never scandalize. Scandal is when you are wrong. And I am always right.” Indeed, raising your voice and arguing fiercely is not the way to convince someone of your viewpoint, even if you are certain they are mistaken. So, how should you proceed? Let’s delve into psychology to learn how experts recommend persuading others of your perspective without resorting to conflict.

Is the Goal Worth the Effort?

First, consider whether it’s worth spending your time, energy, and possibly nerves to prove your point. The issue might not be as significant as you think. Even if it’s a matter of principle, always consider the personality of the person you’re dealing with. They might be a stubborn individual who will resist just to be difficult, or a self-satisfied boss who could hold a grudge if you prove them wrong.

In complex situations, it’s better to avoid direct confrontation and wait it out. You can tactfully remind the person of their mistake later when the subject of the dispute is no longer relevant. In such cases, even the most argumentative individuals are more likely to listen to your perspective.

The Poker Face

Maintain maximum tact and calmness. This way, you will be taken seriously, even if you speak softly. Present your arguments in a confident and calm manner, without rushing or getting heated. Do not interrupt your conversation partner and always listen to them, even if you are convinced they are wrong. You will have your turn to refute their points. If you raise your voice, show emotions, or get nervous, you won’t be able to convince the other person, even if you are entirely right. This is how human psychology works.

Seeing Through Their Eyes

Try to show empathy and put yourself in the other person’s shoes. What are they thinking? Why are they so sure of their rightness? What arguments will they use? What concerns them in the situation? If you can understand their thoughts and perspective, it will become clear what to say and what to avoid.

It’s Just a Conversation

Do not turn the conversation into a personal battle. If the other person doesn’t want to listen or categorically rejects your position, do not automatically label them as an enemy. This is just a conversation, and the other person is neutral. You dislike their opinion, not the person themselves. This approach will help avoid misunderstandings and better understand the other person. Rest assured, they also do not intend to start a real war or hurt anyone.

Stick to the Topic

Avoid expanding the scope of the conversation. Do not bring up other situations from the past. For example, if the person was wrong in a similar situation before, do not remind them of it. Contrary to logic, this will only offend them and make them defend their opinion more fiercely, rather than making it easier to convince them.

Defense is Not Better Than Offense

Be proactive. Try to think a few steps ahead and anticipate the other person’s next moves and arguments. This will be easier if you have already put yourself in their shoes. However, being active does not mean being hasty; you just need to show confidence in your opinion and readiness to defend it. Do not worry about gaining a reputation as an aggressive or quarrelsome person—if you are tactful, your “attack” will only create an image of a persistent person.

The Flexible Willow Branch

Telling the other person directly that they are wrong is not a good start to an argument. It’s better to soften any categorical statements. First, this way you won’t offend the other person. Second, you might be wrong yourself. Third, truth often emerges from peaceful discussions, not battles. So, start by stating that you are both reasonable and polite people, and you are open to the possibility that you might be wrong. In this case, the other person is also likely to adopt the role of a “reasonable and polite” individual and be more willing to listen to your arguments.

Partial Agreement

In the psychology of persuasion, there’s a trick called “partial agreement” that can help you convince the other person more easily. Find a part of their argument that you can agree with. If they are presenting a well-reasoned argument, you will surely find such a statement. Agree with that statement but explain that it leads you to different conclusions. This way, it will be much easier to get through to the other person.

Retreat Does Not Mean Defeat

It might happen that you fail to convince the other person, even though you are still sure of your position. In such cases, it’s better to retreat and wait. Declare neutrality and say that you both might be right but need to gather more facts. Return to this conversation when the other person is in a good mood. Meanwhile, indeed, double-check all the facts if possible. When passions have cooled down, it’s often much easier to convince some opponents.

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