Maintaining Your Lifestyle While Battling Depression

Depression is not a life sentence. In fact, I believe that once this phase passes, I might even move forward with more vigor than before. I’m not alone in this thought; for instance, Lars von Trier suggests that people prone to depression tend to act more calmly in stressful situations than others, as they are already expecting bad things to happen. He beautifully illustrated this theory in his film “Melancholia.”

Seeking Professional Help

I believe it’s crucial to undergo special therapy with a doctor, take medication on time, and independently work on understanding what led to this state. However, it’s complicated by the fact that I can’t leave my job, creative projects, and other commitments, so I have to pretend that everything is okay. I’ve had to develop some survival rules:

Lists

I’m a chaotic and impulsive person by nature. Psychologists advise changing one’s lifestyle. For an energetic extrovert like me, lists are a significant change. They should cover all areas: wake-up times, days to wash your hair, days to wear a skirt, or when to go to the post office. Tuesdays are for mopping floors, Thursdays for tidying up the wardrobe. Write down only the bare minimum for survival. In practice, you might not even have the strength to wash the dishes. But if you plan it ahead, you’ll subconsciously prepare for such household chores. If you can’t complete a task, make do with what you have. You can eat from plastic plates, and an unmopped floor won’t cause cockroaches. The main thing is, as soon as you feel a slight surge of energy, finish what you started.

Work

Work will likely be the most challenging aspect of your life. You can’t quit; financial problems can worsen your mood, and you won’t want to waste the months of effort you’ve put in. During depression, concentration, self-confidence, and the ability to make balanced decisions decrease. You can mentally double the time it takes to complete any task—this way, you might be able to plan your day and account for all factors. I could have turned to freelancing, but every day I push myself to go to the office. On one hand, it’s tiring and uncomfortable; on the other, you’re not left alone with your thoughts. It’s good if colleagues have many topics to discuss beyond work. You can listen to interesting stories, and it’s magical if you don’t have to participate in the discussion. However, I fear brainstorming sessions are out of the question. You can’t defend your opinion because your mind is in chaos, and you no longer know if it’s your opinion or if it’s been imposed on you, or if it’s been made up by an evil inner voice.

Food

See the first point: eat strictly according to the schedule. Allocate more time for meals. Before, you could eat a whole plate faster than a music video ends; now, nothing goes down. Not wanting to eat anything is normal, but you shouldn’t indulge this whim. Distract yourself with something bright and hypnotic, and slowly, with small spoons, give your body nutrients. Short cartoons or National Geographic films work well. The main thing is no complex plots.

Appearance

If you give in to the desire to go out without makeup just once, a week later, you might find yourself looking like Baba Yaga with unkempt hair. There are plenty of reasons and excuses in your head: you’ll still be ugly, why spend so much time, who needs to look at me, no energy, shaking hands. In general, you can’t relax even for a day; you need to repeat the daily routine that you did before everything started falling apart. Well, maybe a little simpler, without any face toning. Normally, I love wearing black, but now I wear only colorful things. Bright nail polish, neon eyeliner. Maybe there’s complete darkness in your soul, but let’s at least pretend that everything is okay. You can take a photo of yourself every morning and send it to your parents. They’ll be pleased, and it will be a good incentive for you to smile.

Sex

Here you have to take a pause. Depression reduces sexual desire, so your partner should understand that there won’t be full-fledged and fun sex for a while. Intimate touches can make you feel obligated, and a pile of stereotypes can make you feel guilty—how will he, poor thing, suffer, maybe he’ll even find someone else. But if you don’t want to, you shouldn’t turn your sex life into a marathon of rape. By the way, when there’s no strong attraction, it’s great for separating fleeting desire from serious feelings.

Meetings with Acquaintances

A nightmare scenario: a classmate calls and suggests meeting up. Refusing would be like social suicide, but showing yourself in this state is also not an option, as not everyone will understand and accept. Fortunately, people love to talk about themselves! Agree in advance that you only have a couple of hours for conversation. Ask about what they’re doing, more leading questions.

Meetings with Friends

This is more complicated. I would divide my close ones into three categories. The first are people who worry about you and talk to you with furrowed brows. They feel sorry for you but don’t know how to help, so they’re sad together with you. You want to shake them: hello, I can upset myself, why are you doing this? You’ll be a good friend to me even if you’re cheerful; I don’t ask you to share my problems! The second category are people who think it’s all nonsense. “Stop winding yourself up,” “you’re making things up,” and “you’ve read too much on the internet” are the top three phrases I’ve heard from each friend in this category. Usually, they just don’t understand the definition of depression and mistake it for ordinary autumn blues. The third category are people who think you desperately need to talk. They suggest having a drink and chatting. Is it all because he doesn’t love you? Is it because your dad didn’t love you? The last thing a person with depression wants is to spill their guts to everyone. Just hold my hand and let’s be silent for a while. So, it turns out there are plenty of friends, but no help. In fact, I don’t know what it should consist of. I think it’s worth letting them read articles about the illness; maybe they’ll come up with something smart. At the same time, you’ll feel a huge sense of guilt for not being able to be a good friend in return. You don’t ask them how they’re doing, don’t send them cat GIFs, and absolutely don’t want to discuss anything. Shame will overwhelm you; your friends deserve better!

Doctors

Honestly, I’m afraid to turn to doctors. Google is full of specialists, all with bright pages, smiling photos, dozens of reviews. They write about their specializations, but if you read carefully, you suddenly realize that these are copied chapters from textbooks. It’s like if a surgeon wrote that he could do an ultrasound, deliver a baby, and fill a cavity. Undoubtedly, his theoretical knowledge should be enough to provide help, but no one would claim that this help would be sufficiently qualified. I find it scary when you come to an appointment and find a crammer who can’t empathize or find the roots of the problem, but drones on with questions according to a single algorithm. I don’t need a person just to talk. I can tell my story on the internet and even get excellent feedback there. In any case, finding a specialist is not the easiest task, so you shouldn’t expect simple solutions here. However, when you find “the one” doctor, you’ll be immediately uplifted. I found mine.

Medication

It’s hard to advise anything here; doctors prescribe drugs according to certain parameters. Tranquilizers and antidepressants are dispensed exclusively by prescription, so you can’t just go to the pharmacy and buy something after reading about it on the internet. What I can say for sure is that the withdrawal syndrome is not as scary as it’s made out to be. If the drug is suitable, and you don’t neglect other types of therapy, the desire to take pills will disappear on its own. A change in diet can also act as a medicine. It’s worth exploring how nutrition affects mental health.