How to Talk to Your Child About Sex: A Parent's Guide

How to Talk to Your Child About Sex: A Parent’s Guide

Among the myriad of questions a child can ask, few can catch an adult off guard like, “Where did I come from?” This question often leaves parents fumbling for words or resorting to vague responses. Growing up in a society where sex was a taboo topic, many of us received little to no information from our parents. It’s no surprise that when our children ask us about their origins, we might feel embarrassed, ashamed, or even fearful.

The Importance of Addressing the Topic

It’s crucial to tackle this subject for two main reasons. Firstly, when your child asks you this question, it’s a sign of trust. They feel comfortable coming to you with their curiosities, which is a compliment to your parenting. Encourage these questions and never respond with anger, no matter how shocking or difficult the question may be. If you don’t have an immediate answer, ask for some time to think, but always follow up with a response.

Secondly, discussing this topic supports your child’s psychosexual development, helping them understand bodily hygiene and navigate the challenging teenage years. A well-informed child is a protected child.

When and How to Talk to Your Child About Sex

You don’t need to reveal everything at once. Listen carefully to your child’s question and provide an answer that addresses their specific inquiry. For example, if they ask, “Where did I come from?”, you could say, “Two adults who love each other hug and kiss, and from that love, babies are born.”

If they ask for more details, you can explain the basics of human reproduction in an age-appropriate manner. Remember, your child will learn more from their peers, but having a solid foundation from you will help them navigate any misinformation they might encounter.

Age-Appropriate Knowledge

As your child grows, so should their understanding of psychosexual development:

Preschoolers (3-6 years old): Should know the correct names of their genitalia and understand that babies grow in the mother’s womb and are born through the vagina.
Elementary School Children (7-11 years old): Should learn about the physiological changes that occur during puberty, understand the difference between excretory and reproductive functions, and know about menstruation and nocturnal emissions.
Teenagers (12-15 years old): Should be informed about sexual orientation (hetero, bi, homo, trans), sexually transmitted diseases, and the unrealistic beauty standards portrayed in media.
Older Teenagers (15-18 years old): Should know about contraceptives and understand that being an adult and being sexually mature are different things. They should also comprehend that intimate relationships involve more than just physical closeness.

Respect your child’s curiosity and the stories they share with you. Children who receive support from their parents on this topic often grow up to have confident and healthy relationships.

If you’re still uncomfortable with the topic, consider buying a well-written, age-appropriate book for your child. You can even browse through it together. Remember, our fears as parents are often greater than our children’s curiosity.

Good luck, be brave, and find joy in this important and necessary topic.

Text: Alena Korolkova, Psychologist