Hayley Holt’s Inspiring Journey: Discovering Love and Light After Heartbreaking Loss
An Unexpected Vision in a Time of Sorrow
In the midst of her devastation, Hayley Holt experienced a moment of unexpected beauty and tranquility. “Suddenly, I saw bubbles… gorgeous, shimmering, pearly bubbles, and I felt as if I was walking alongside angels,” the TV personality shares. She’s opening up for the first time about losing her son, Frankie Tai, who was stillborn on April 25th last year when Hayley was seven months pregnant.
“They were popping, popping, all bubbling up before me as I walked through the grass. And that’s when I knew he was gone because it felt like someone was descending to take him. In my mind, I was saying, ‘Farewell, my baby,’ but I kept it to myself. I wanted that moment to be just mine. It was magical.”
Healing with the Passage of Time
Nearly a year has passed since Hayley lost her deeply desired baby boy. Time has brought healing in many ways. She’s returned to work in a new role as a TVNZ sports presenter, she’s deeply in love with her partner Josh Tito, and she still possesses the vibrant energy and sense of humor that has made her one of our most beloved TV personalities.
However, Hayley has changed. She’s a more subdued version of herself now, marked by her experiences and with a newfound caution towards the world. Until now, she’s kept a low profile, relying on a small circle of close friends and family to help her navigate her grief.
Sharing Their Journey
Hayley and Josh, whose love for each other has become the greatest silver lining, are finally ready to share their story. They want to honor their beloved baby boy and, most importantly, express their gratitude to the thousands of people who sent love and support.
Their loss, which occurred during the COVID-19 lockdown last year, touched many lives. Hayley will forever be moved by the outpouring of support. “I used to have a rule that I didn’t read comments on stories about me, and I even avoided reading Facebook messages because they were often not very kind,” she says.
“But it was my mum who went through them all and read them to me, and it was incredible to know that people out there shared our pain and were sending their love and energy. Every day there were letters, cards, emails, messages… It was a tremendous source of support and really showed us the power of love and how it can transform an experience from tragic to beautiful in some way.”
Embracing Radical Acceptance
While the sense of loss is still fresh, Hayley is doing her best to practice what she calls “radical acceptance.” Accepting what happened to her, accepting that perhaps Frankie wasn’t meant to be, and accepting that life, in many ways, is beyond her control. Her deep spirituality has been a significant help.
“If I hadn’t been on this spiritual journey, it would’ve been a completely different story,” she says emphatically. “I have a strong belief that this life isn’t the only one, and I truly believe in being able to have the energy of your loved ones around you. The idea that perhaps some things are meant to be or not meant to be… or the idea that something might be terrible and horrible and bad, but actually, if you look at it from the outside, it might have led you to a better place in the end.”
“I hold on to every single one of those ideas and explore many different narratives about why this might have happened because, let’s face it, anything is better than just, ‘Your baby died.'”
A Tale of Love
Hayley’s story begins in 2018 when she and Josh met by chance at an Auckland bar. As a non-drinker, bars weren’t Hayley’s usual choice for a night out, but she’d agreed to join an old friend for some fun. After chatting with Taupō-raised Josh, whose iwi is Tūwharetoa, the pair stayed in touch, and over the next few months developed a casual friendship.
It was during one of their meet-ups in 2019 that Hayley, who turned 40 last July, confided in Josh that she longed to be a mum. “I told him I had no interest in finding a partner, I just wanted a baby! He pretty much said, ‘Let’s give it a shot then, let’s take a chance!”
The couple laughs as they recount the story, admitting they didn’t give the logistics much thought. “I kind of saw it as an adventure,” Josh says. “I’ve always approached life with a ‘take it as it comes’ sort of attitude.”
“We’re quite similar in that way,” adds Hayley. “We were both happy to leave it to fate and see what the universe brought us.”
A Fresh Start
Just a few weeks later, Hayley was overjoyed to discover she was pregnant. “It happened so quickly, but I was thrilled,” she smiles. “Absolutely over the moon.”
Confiding only in a close friend and her mum Robin, who was ecstatic, Hayley waited two months before telling Josh. “I just wanted to keep it to myself for a bit.” When she did share the news, he took it in stride, agreeing with Hayley that it was important they solidified their friendship before embarking on parenthood together.
“My main concern was that I wanted us to be best friends and to always be on the same team,” she explains, adding that from then on, they started spending most of their free time together. It wasn’t long before their friendship blossomed into something more – a romance neither of them had anticipated.
“It was summer, we were hanging out as friends, and we discovered we’re actually very similar,” Hayley says. “We’re both laid-back, free-spirited, and let’s be honest – he’s really attractive!”
In fact, it was during a weekend in Taupō to meet Josh’s dad, Mark, and sister, Tiare, that Hayley realized she’d fallen in love. Their 10-year age gap didn’t bother either of them.
“It was such a special time,” recalls Hayley, who was at the time living with her parents Robin and Murray at their rural home in Warkworth, an hour north of Auckland. She had no intention of moving in with Josh but, like most of us, hadn’t anticipated a global pandemic!
As New Zealand went into national lockdown, the prospect of six weeks apart was too much for the couple to bear, so Hayley made the decision to invite her new boyfriend to move into the Holt family home.
She laughs, saying that while her family has had 40 years to get used to her spontaneity, this was a whole new level.
