From Broken to Whole: My Journey to Reclaiming Life

Rediscovering Life After Hardship

This article is for anyone broken by circumstances, changes, or even other people. If you’ve ever felt lost and empty, are going through tough times, or want to know how to cope with them in the future, this story shared by Marina D. from Saint Petersburg is for you. Marina has experienced loneliness, despair, and pain but refuses to break and wants to help others in need. In essence, this is a story about learning to live anew.

Embracing Wholeness

I have been loved many times and have loved in return. Surrounded by people with different attitudes towards sensitivity, solitude, and love, I always believed that my way of living was the truest. Every time I parted ways with someone dear to me, I thought that being honest with myself was even more important than being honest with others. I wasn’t afraid of being alone, but I was afraid of losing my inner spark. Fortunately, life kept giving me gifts. One love was quickly replaced by another, and each new romance showed me that life could be much broader and deeper than I had previously thought.

New people proved to me that I was right to live by the principle: “Be brave, and you will surely receive something wonderful.” And indeed, that was the case. I never believed in karma, fate, or samsara, but an inner fear of losing myself whispered to me. It’s much easier to be wise when everything is at your feet. I can’t say that I didn’t experience difficulties or that life was pure bliss for me—no. There were tears, suffering, and fears, but I had never known what it was like to be broken and lose my wholeness.

Crafting Myself Anew

I created myself like a painting, like a song, carefully choosing each word. I resonated, attracting people, making them fall in love with me, making them listen to me endlessly. And most importantly, I loved myself because I had sculpted my essence for so long. As someone passionate about art, I sought depth and boundlessness within myself. And there I was, ready, and life began to shine in all its colors, leaving behind everything I chose to erase and forget.

Can you imagine that a person who was slowly drifting through life, enjoying all its offerings, could suddenly break? Not like a defective toy, but explode like a grenade, shattering into millions of pieces that seemed impossible to put back together. And, by the way, it is still impossible.

Traveling to Heal

It’s not that I followed advice from wise books on how to regain my wholeness, but it so happened that I left the country. I had a trip planned to France with a close friend, where we were supposed to indulge in the joys of travel and escapism. I didn’t cancel the trip; I didn’t have the strength to do so. From the swamp of suffering, I was plunged into the unknown and exotic, because it heals. Did it heal me? No, but it played its role.

The month I spent in the atmosphere of another country seemed to last forever, and during that time, I learned a few things about life. First, what is broken inside will not glue itself back together just by moving to a less depressing place. Second, changing the environment is useful if you’ve been stuck in one place, but traveling while being completely broken inside won’t allow you to enjoy life. Third, despite the truth of the first two points, it’s still worth trying.

So, I tried. I began to explore myself and the emptiness inside in a new, unfamiliar, foreign place. If you are lonely in your hometown, loneliness takes on a different meaning in a foreign country. You are taken out of context, which is why it can be real—to turn the page and accept a blank, unwritten sheet as the truth. I cried, laughed, tasted the blue of the sea, tried to overcome natural fears by challenging myself, like going deep into the forest. Every day was empty and meaningless for me, but I forced myself to live. To wake up in the morning, get dressed, try something new. I believed that taste, smell, and color would come back to me one day, and I would be able to enjoy them again.

And one morning, I woke up with a cutting feeling that not a single moment should be lost; I wanted to experience everything and take everything from my journey. The people around me in this new place listened to my story, consoled me, and even cried with me, but they also continued to live their lives. They had work, home, parties with friends, and even their own losses, and I became a witness to all of this.

Today, I am glad that I left then, not because conquering the globe is a panacea for aching hearts, but because the next step is the most important—it illuminates the path. Travel when your heart is broken, not to enjoy the sights and national cuisine, but to start from scratch—and that is the first step.

The Power of Surroundings

If someone asked me what helped me cross the fateful line and regain my wholeness, among the many things that filled my life after the tragedy, I would highlight one—my surroundings. To be specific, my close friend. I still haven’t fully understood whether it was a consequence of the shock or a trait of my character that made me want to run away from friends, relatives, and other people who wanted to help me. The only person I wanted to see and talk to was my close friend, the same one I traveled with.

If you have ever tried to overcome difficult times by turning to books or articles advising how to do it, then you probably know what it means to seek help from loved ones. I don’t know how my friend knew how to behave with someone in my situation, but she did everything right. Together, we delved into my emptiness, trying to find something there, to light a spark in the pitch darkness. We laughed, remembering the past, cried, feeling the present, and doubted, planning my future. She listened to everything I could say, argued when she saw that I was mistaken, smiled, realizing that I had found the right path, and pulled me by the hand when I “couldn’t walk.” Speaking while broken is necessary. Speaking with someone who truly loves you. In such conversations, truth is born, for which, by the way, one can live if there is nothing else left.

If there is someone who is ready to lend you a shoulder, lean on them. This is the second step on the path to wholeness—to pour out your inner sea into a kindred soul. Care, support, understanding, and love—everyone knows that this is an effective remedy, but sometimes one person who has witnessed your inner explosion is enough.

Sublimate and Create

Meanwhile, life went on. I returned to work, where, of course, everyone knew who I was now. One acquaintance told me, “The most effective thing you can do now is to immerse yourself in work.” It seemed like complete nonsense to me. The last thing I wanted was extremes. I convinced myself that the cup of suffering should…