Expert Ways to Express Affection Without Words

A meaningful gesture can often convey more than words ever could. While the easiest way to tell someone you like them is to simply say it, sometimes actions can speak louder and create a more lasting impression. Whether you have a crush or want to make your long-term partner feel special, there are countless ways to show your affection without uttering those three little words.

Let Go of Expectations

Before you start, it’s crucial to let go of any expectations about the outcome. As Sue Marriott, LCSW, CGP, host of the podcast Therapist Uncensored and co-author of Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World, suggests, “Expressing interest in someone is not a test of self-worth. Your value doesn’t hinge on whether you tell them or how your feelings are received.” Instead, view it as an act of authenticity and courage—a step toward personal growth and meaningful connection, no matter what happens next.

Expert Tips on Showing Affection

Here are some expert tips on how to show someone you like them, along with some personal examples of tried-and-true methods.

Be Warm and Direct

Don’t feel pressure to play it cool around your crush. When they walk into the room, it’s okay to smile and wave. Say something like, “I’m so glad you’re here.” They should catch on eventually. While you don’t need to shout “I love you,” being too subtle might not get your message across.

According to Marriott, “When we’re anxious, we’re prone to misreading interpersonal cues. That eyebrow twitch could be a flirt, or simply a quirk—so how do you know? When we are missing information, like how the other person feels about us, we often fill in the missing story with our fears and pain of past rejections, or we may project hope into neutral social signals.”

“That’s why it’s important to hold your interpretations of what subtle cues mean lightly until you find out more,” she says. “And it’s why it’s a good idea to take the risk and let them know.”

Practice Active Listening

In conversation, practice active listening. It’s as simple as saying their name—studies show people love hearing it—and responding in a way that shows you’re paying attention. Even replying “Oh my god!” to big news, “Wow, congratulations” after a brag, or “Wait, start over” to a crazy story can go a long way.

Diana Raab, Ph.D., wrote in Psychology Today, “One study conducted by Faye Doell showed that there are two different types of listening: ‘listening to understand’ and ‘listening to respond.’ Those who ‘listen to understand’ have greater satisfaction in their interpersonal relationships than others.”

To be an even more active listener, remember what your crush told you and bring it up later in conversation or the next time you meet up. For example, if they talked about their sister the last time you spoke, ask about her the next time you see them. When they mention a new book they’re reading, read it so you can discuss it with them. If this person is a good match, they’ll be happy to have an honest conversation about one of their interests.

Find Common Interests

All you really need for an endless stream of things to say to your crush are a few shared interests. With all that active listening you’ve been doing, this should be no problem. See an ad for that reality show you know your crush likes? Take a pic and text it to them. Did they tell you a story about buying way too much of an ingredient for a recipe? That’s an inside joke now—bring them some the next time you see them.

According to Pew Research, 64% of married adults believe that having shared interests is very important to a happy marriage.

Open Up

Marriott recommends sending out a “test balloon of measured vulnerability.” You don’t need to overshare everything about your life or reveal all of your true feelings, but opening up a little about a challenging time you went through or admitting to a recent fear or embarrassment can build a bond.

“It’s a brave step towards genuine connection,” Marriott says. “Gradual vulnerability builds connection. By taking it slow, you give yourself space to notice how your nervous system reacts, guiding your next steps.”

If your crush opens up in turn, take notice and respond accordingly. If they tell you a story about their parents, for example, you might say, “It sounds like you really care about your family.” They’ll likely be touched. If they’re always apologizing that work ran late, a thoughtful comment like, “You work so hard!” could make them melt.

Flirty Little Gestures

Once you’ve established camaraderie, how do you tell someone you want them? Some of those stereotypical physical moves you’ve seen in movies or heard about from experts can actually come in handy. Smile with just one side of your mouth. Touch your hair. Laugh at their jokes. Say their name with emphasis or an extra syllable (“Dyl-la-n!”). Let your eye contact linger.

Body language helps give subtle signs you’re interested, but it’ll be even more effective if you combine it with a compliment. A study by Jeffrey Hall, associate professor of communication studies at the University of Kansas, found that people who are physical flirts—those who express their interest through body language—offered fewer compliments when compared to other flirting styles.