Emigration: The Second Most Stressful Life Event After Losing a Loved One

Emigration: The Second Most Stressful Life Event

Forced emigration has become increasingly common in recent times. Many of us have friends, relatives, or acquaintances who have had to leave their home countries. From the moment they arrive, emigrants face numerous challenges, ranging from mundane tasks like “how to pay for internet” to more pressing concerns like “how not to become an outcast.” Psychologist Marina Matveeva shared insights with Tochka.by on how to cope with the difficult times in a new country after an emergency departure from one’s homeland.

Psychologist Marina Matveeva on Sudden Relocation

Planned emigration is always easier for individuals to handle, according to experts. This is because the person can prepare in advance by learning the language, reading forums, and familiarizing themselves with the history and culture of their dream country.

“Forced emigration does not allow for such preparation. A person suddenly packs a suitcase and hastily leaves their homeland. It is difficult to accept an emergency move immediately. In fact, any move—whether voluntary or forced—is stressful. Emigration is the second most stressful life event after losing a loved one,” notes the psychologist.

Emigration involves loss. People lose their familiar way of life, change their social circle, and alter their social status. This loss needs to be grieved: going through denial, anger, bargaining, despair… and only then acceptance.

Four Stages of Emigration: From Euphoria to Disillusionment

There is a term called “culture shock,” introduced by American researcher Kalervo Oberg. It describes the experiences and feelings that a person encounters when moving to a new country.

“This is a feeling of helplessness, loneliness, and isolation. Anxiety that turns into indignation and revulsion after realizing certain cultural differences. This is anger and aggressiveness,” adds the psychologist.

The duration of the adaptation stages can vary greatly. Some people may not experience certain stages at all. However, there are typically four stages.

Stage One: Euphoria

When a person arrives in a new country, they have pleasant impressions of what they see around them. Everything seems better than at home, and they believe that the best times are ahead.

“This period is usually short-lived because soon they need to address daily tasks and financial problems. Feelings of disillusionment quickly follow,” notes the psychologist.

Stage Two: Irritation

The emigrant begins to get angry and may even regret the move.

“Language difficulties, problems with bank cards, local bureaucracy, finding housing, and more. However, memories of their home country are still fresh in their mind. These memories motivate them to keep going because they still do not want to return,” reasons the specialist.

Stage Three: Severe Crisis

The emigrant feels loneliness and rejection by “this world.”

“The question arises: to stay or to return home. In the first six months, at the peak of the crisis, there is a chance that the person may return home because they could not handle the emotions,” notes Marina Matveeva.

If this crisis is overcome, the next stage will be easier. The stage of adaptation begins.

It is important to remember that the adaptation period can take six months for some and many years for others.

“Do not demand too much from yourself at this moment. Go at your own pace without comparing yourself to other compatriots, even if they have managed better and faster. Just give yourself time; everything will fall into place,” she assures.

How to Explain the Move to Children

If parents are calm, children will also be calm about everything. Children usually take cues from their close ones, the psychologist is sure.

“The main thing is to calm down and explain to the children in an accessible way that circumstances have turned out this way, ‘we are forced to move.’ Only time will tell whether we will stay in the new country forever or return. You need to talk to children without hiding anything,” she emphasizes.

Remember: your ability to cope with difficulties will also affect the child’s state because, in many ways, your children see the world through ‘your eyes.’

In general, children are more adaptable than adults; it is easier for them. Children are very social and quickly make contact with others. But even if it is difficult, do not take it out on your children.

How Not to Withdraw Into Yourself

“Humans are social beings. No matter how much of an introvert you are or how much you avoid other people, you will have to push yourself into society to establish social connections. Without this, you will not adapt in the new country and will remain an ‘outsider,'” says Marina Matveeva.

According to her, this could be going to a café, an event, or pursuing a hobby.

“Strive to communicate more because you will definitely find people who are willing to help you,” she advises.

Moving to a new country is undoubtedly not just about successes; be prepared for failures as well, sometimes there can be many. Simply because we do not know the nuances and intricacies of life in the new country. And that is normal.

Seek Out Compatriots

The psychologist recommends actively communicating with compatriots during the stage of communication deficit. For example, you can join chats of Belarusians in a particular country. Arrange a meeting in the city with someone from your fellow countrymen.

“Communication with compatriots is a very good support. But remember: if you only communicate with your compatriots, only with the diaspora and no one else, you may deprive yourself of new opportunities. You will close yourself off to your culture and will not develop,” notes Matveeva.

Emigration as a Test of Strength: Accept Help

Emigration is a test of strength, character, abilities, and ego. And it is a good lesson because you need to learn to recognize mistakes, failures, and work on yourself.

Emigration is also about personal growth. If you urgently changed countries and did not like it there, do not despair. Think about where else you could move. Try, relocate, look, find out where it will be better for you.

“But it is important to stop at some point. Just give yourself the opportunity to put down roots in a new place to feel stable. You need to build connections, daily life, work, and some familiar rituals. And yes, ask for help. It is not shameful. In general, people like to help; they enjoy it. So do not refuse help. Accept it with gratitude,” adds the specialist.

Sometimes, a person accepts help and then feels guilty. This is toxic guilt. It needs to be eliminated. Simply thank people for being in your life and for providing such support. The time will come when you can repay them in kind.

Emigration is Not a Sprint: Do Not Rush

In emigration, there is no need to rush: do everything at a comfortable pace for yourself. First, arrive and look around. Give yourself time to get used to it, catch your breath, and simply breathe the air. Sleep as much as you need and take care of yourself.