Debunking the Myths About Stay-at-Home Moms

During our childhood, we often encountered either envious-ironic attitudes towards well-off stay-at-home moms or sympathetic-patronizing ones. In the first case, we see a petty woman by the geranium, her brain shrunk to the size of a borscht ladle.

The Modern Image

Today, this image has been supplemented by the traits of a sultry blonde from Instagram, with tons of shopping bags, sighing, “I’m so tired of these spas, foie gras,” and taking selfies against the backdrop of the ocean. “I wish I had her problems,” thinks the working neighbor. Sometimes, the thought slips in: “I would love that too, but only fools get lucky with rich men.”

The Second Attitude

The second attitude is one of pity: poor things, always in curlers and a robe, doing nothing but washing their children’s bottoms. No respite, no development.

The Working Majority

How different is the working majority. Always briskly, always forward, always in tone, children grow up on their own, no need to pamper them. We are aware of all the novelties – from vitamins to sales, and at the same time, we are getting a third or fourth education. Our brains will soon not fit in the little box. What kind of stay-at-home mom can we be? Let the less educated deal with that.

Reflections on Life

But our children have grown up, and we cannot turn back the time when one work shift was replaced by another, domestic one, and between these shifts – small breaks in the form of vacation…

So, it turns out we didn’t really live.

And new thoughts visit us: what was the rush? We think we are needed at work, or we are afraid not to earn an extra 100-500-1000 dollars… We are afraid to live life and not use opportunities, not leave a mark, be worse than others, not show ourselves – underline as needed. But all these fears and interests do not at all determine the need to work.

Myth One: The Permanent Choice

If your financial situation and family interests incline you to choose the role of a stay-at-home mom, weigh the pros and cons, separate fears from risks – and choose. Not once and for all – this is the first myth.

Choose for that period in which the role of a working woman and stay-at-home mom is most beneficial for you. Of course, returning to active life will be difficult. But these are temporary difficulties that can be overcome.

For example, Anna, a former teacher and call center specialist, decided to take a time-out for about 10 years when her son was born. After calculating the expenses for maintaining a business image, her son’s activities, toys, and medicines for colds, she and her husband decided to combine the pleasant with the useful: raising a child with repairing the apartment and other household tasks. Anna has experience in completely changing her profession and is confident that she will find a job to her liking at any age.

Myth Two: Being a Stay-at-Home Mom is Boring and Uneventful

Much depends on the woman herself. Most stay-at-home moms will tell you that they are constantly busy with the most serious work. Raising children, cooking delicious meals, taking care of themselves, and self-development – all this is work. Maybe not as hard, but not easy either, if you take it seriously.

As for the tempting idleness of television, various courses, video tutorials on crafts, new hobbies, sewing, women’s trainings, communicating with girlfriends, visiting the pool and gym come to the rescue. As a rule, active stay-at-home moms have every minute scheduled.

Myth Three: Husbands Boss Around Stay-at-Home Wives

Difficulties and misunderstandings can occur in families where the woman works, as well as in families where she does not work. There are enough examples where husbands admire the spiritual and cultural development of their wives, are grateful to their wives for their willingness to support, excellent mood, responsible attitude to family nutrition, and children’s health. Approximately half of the stay-at-home moms I surveyed said that their husbands help around the house as much as, if not more than, working women.

A strong and self-sufficient man will find a way to express gratitude to his wife, regardless of his income level. He does not need to treat his wife as property. A strong and self-sufficient woman remains so, does not allow herself to be humiliated, does not show resentment, but can set boundaries. Although, of course, in a number of examples, it is work that often gives a woman strength and confidence, increases self-esteem, which, in turn, stabilizes relationships in the couple.

Myth Four: Children Won’t Respect You

Typical self-depreciation. Start with developing inner respect. People are loved and respected by their loved ones simply by the fact of their existence and for the relationships they create. Fortunately, there are families where children make up for the lack of gratitude from the bosses in their mother’s life.

For example, Nikita, a 19-year-old student, is always ready to discuss a new movie with his mother on Viber, as well as finding a part-time job and a failed test. He calls and thanks his mother for a fresh look and valuable advice. “Mom,” he says, “is the wisest woman. I would like, like dad, to be able to build relationships in the family so that my wife does not work. Mom gave a lot to me and my brother, without any pressure, without excessive care.”

Obviously, the mother’s efforts to establish contact have paid off.

Myth Five: Women Become Stupid at Home

If a woman is interested in her development, she will find a way to ensure it, because development is not only professional.

Irina, an emergency doctor, left her beloved job when her only son was already 12 years old. “I realized that I have no right to degrade as a person and spread nervous burnout to the rest of the family members. My husband married a cheerful, literate woman, not a robot doctor. The decision was not easy, we are not rich people, but I do not regret it at all. Visiting exhibitions, museums, excursions, spiritual life, psychological development have become accessible to me. I do not feel like a servant at all, as I was scared when I made this decision. It is thanks to him that we lived happily for 13 years, quite rich for both of us. I feel like myself – charming, confident, interesting.”

If you decide to choose the role of a stay-at-home mom, be prepared for certain difficulties.

“The most difficult thing for me is self-discipline,” shares Anastasia, 35. “I am very responsible, and when there are external restrictions and incentives, I do everything quickly and clearly. But being alone, I become slow, postpone going to the gym, can read for hours.”

Alexandra, a former psychologist, admits that the most difficult thing was to organize a daily routine. The image of a bored idle woman is based on real heroines, believes Marina, a hairdresser. Marina works at home, always collected, well-groomed, applies makeup in the morning. She is scared of that half of women on maternity leave who do not get out of a robe or tracksuit. Some of them spend time hanging with a rag for dusting in front of the TV screen, others hang on the phone. It is important not to let your life drift, whether we work or not.

The Real Argument for Work: Financial

Most non-working women agree with their husbands on their personal monthly budget, which they spend at their discretion.

Another risk to consider is the lack of communication.

Alexandra believes that this problem is far-fetched. “Today, most of my girlfriends do not work or work part-time, so there is someone to talk to. The question is: about what. It is worth understanding that, having locked ourselves in four walls, we really start paying attention to uninteresting trifles to anyone, we can become complainers. But if you are engaged in self-development, read, watch diverse films, you can become a source of interesting and useful information for working friends and husband. As in any communication, treat what and how you say, thoughtfully.”

For more insights, you can visit Psychology Today.