Everyday Sexism: Common Male Phrases That Undermine Women

In psychology, there’s a concept known as “veiled rudeness,” where a speaker attempts to trap you with a backhanded compliment. A simple example: “You’ve chosen a great outfit; it’s hard to believe you’re from a small town!” At first glance, it seems like a compliment—acknowledging your good taste in clothing. However, the subtext undermines the positive effect, hinting that you’re just a provincial simpleton. If you react negatively to such veiled rudeness, the speaker will likely respond with, “You’re imagining things; I didn’t say anything like that.”

Sexism in everyday life manifests in a similar, veiled manner. Men often use ordinary phrases that may seem like compliments but carry an undermining subtext rooted in gender stereotypes. Let’s explore some of these phrases and their implications.

“Smile More!”

The seemingly innocent suggestion to smile more can be appropriate in only a few contexts, such as when you’re asking for advice on how to be more approachable or how to calm an aggressive dog. In most cases, however, men use this phrase without cause, as a universal solution to any problem a woman might have. This advice stems from the stereotype that women should always be sweet, kind, and smiling, like models on the cover of a glamour magazine.

Women should smile when they feel like it, not because society pressures them into a constant state of happiness. While it’s true that we all look more attractive when we smile, who benefits more from this—women with genuine bad moods that a forced smile won’t improve, or men who prefer to see “glossy” women all the time?

“For a Girl, You’re Doing Great”

This is a classic example of a backhanded compliment. On one hand, your achievements in a particular area are acknowledged. On the other, the phrase reveals a significant lack of confidence in your abilities, simply because you’re a woman. It implies that there are certain tasks only men can excel at.

If someone praises you with this phrase for lifting a 150-kilogram barbell, there might not be a hidden meaning—women generally have less physical strength than men. In all other cases, however, this “compliment” is an insult, even if unintentional. There are countless examples of women who excel in fields traditionally dominated by men, such as piloting airplanes or solving complex equations. The idea of “men’s” and “women’s” tasks is outdated and incorrect.

“Calm Down/Relax/Be Quiet”

It’s unclear who decided that women should suppress their emotions, but men often try to “silence” any woman who shows a bit of temper. This doesn’t refer to extreme reactions like throwing dishes or phones out the window but to any emotional expression. A man can be angry and curse at a colleague, another driver, or even the president of another country, and no one will tell him to calm down—it’s seen as “righteous anger.” But if a woman gets upset over a rude salesperson or a bad day, she’s quickly labeled as hysterical or unstable.

There’s a vast difference between hysteria and expressing emotions, and it’s easily noticeable. If someone asks you to be quiet in response to natural reactions, it means they don’t value your inner world and don’t want to engage with it.

“Nice Legs!”

Whether it’s “legs,” “chest,” or “butt,” it doesn’t matter which body part a man is trying to compliment. When he stops seeing you as a whole person and starts “dismembering” you to evaluate parts separately, like cuts of meat in a butcher shop (“Nice legs, I’ll take those!”), it’s a problem. The compliment ceases to be a compliment and becomes outright rudeness and tactlessness.

Special mention goes to “beautiful eyes,” which isn’t quite the same as the mental “dismemberment” of a woman. It’s more of an awkward attempt to metaphorically express admiration for a woman’s inner world. However, this meaning has been lost over time due to the phrase’s frequent use in suggestive and vulgar contexts. Today, only someone who knows you well and feels more than just casual sympathy can genuinely mean it as a compliment. Otherwise, it comes off as crude.

“Be Grateful That…”

Women are often told to be grateful for any display of decent or even normal treatment from others. However, “being grateful” and “saying thank you” are different. If a man helps you carry a heavy bag, you can thank him and acknowledge his good manners, but there’s no need to be grateful.

It’s even worse when the phrase is used metaphorically. “Be grateful that he invited you to a restaurant”—this kind of statement comes not only from men but even from women. Girls are “trained” to be happy with any small gesture or attention, which reflects a dismissive attitude toward women in general. Protesting against such stereotypes isn’t just a feminist stance; it’s an appeal to the reason of any person, regardless of their beliefs.

“Your Outfit Is Distracting”

Dress codes regulate women’s attire more strictly than men’s, and this isn’t without reason. Even in the most strictly professional office settings, some men manage to criticize a woman’s too-deep neckline or too-short skirt because everyone’s idea of “too much” is different. Of course, there are reasonable limits—if your underwear is visible, that’s inappropriate for any setting. But if a man is distracted by a bare knee or his own imagination, that’s his issue, not yours—it reflects his upbringing, imagination, and self-control.

The next level of this phrase is, “She provoked me because she dressed like a woman of loose morals.” This excuse often appears in the news, doesn’t it?