Till Divorce Do Us Part: The Sad Reality of Modern Marriages

The issue of marriages and divorces remains relevant today, with modern statistics painting a grim picture. High divorce rates, domestic violence, and women left to raise children alone are just a few of the pressing concerns. Psychologists believe that this is primarily due to people getting married for various frivolous reasons, rather than the genuine desire to build a family. We aim to explore the mistakes men and women make when entering marriage, which couples are likely to have a happy ending, and who might end up contributing to the divorce statistics.

What is an Unhappy Marriage?

Statistics show that truly happy families are rare today. Out of 11,000 surveyed families, only 3,000 reported being happy. This is concerning because a happy family is considered the norm, while an unhappy family is a deviation where two unhappy people live together and gradually ruin each other’s lives. Why are so many families unhappy? The answer lies in upbringing. Few people in the modern world know how to choose a partner correctly.

A social survey revealed that when given several phrases to choose from for a love confession, 75% of women preferred “I can’t live without you.” Other phrases like “I will never hurt you” and “Let’s pull the yoke of life together” were largely ignored. This indicates that many women view marriage as a dependency between two people. However, such a confession lacks genuine love and instead shows a strong attachment that hinders building a proper life together.

The most logical phrase, “Let’s pull the yoke of life together,” was overlooked because people do not want to face life’s difficulties. They hope that marriage will magically shield them from hardships or that their partner will handle them alone. The key is not that every marriage is doomed but that challenges are inevitable. The task is to find a partner with whom you can easily overcome these challenges.

Marriages for Love

Marriages for love are often considered happy and strong, but reality shows that love alone is not always enough to save a marriage. Why does love fade? True love does not fade. Partners who are interested in a shared future and have common goals usually preserve their feelings, allowing them to evolve into something even stronger. Those who mistake physical attraction, illusion, or pathological attachment for love will inevitably face disappointment.

Another issue with the Russian mentality is the phrase “There is no one to love.” In a society of lazy, insecure, disillusioned, or narcissistic individuals, it is common to hear, “I would love, but there is no one to love.” But one should ask: Are you truly capable of love, or are you seeking a simple “attachment” that is often mistaken for marriage?

If you have not learned how to choose a partner to build a family with, even a marriage for love is doomed to fail.

What is Needed for Happiness?

Modern psychologists believe that for a socially happy marriage, both spouses must possess individuality and independence, especially financial independence. This is hard to argue with, as many modern marriages and those from a few decades ago lack sufficient financial stability. Many people marry at a young age when financial independence and stable views are not yet established. Parental support is beneficial, but it does not contribute to building a new, happy, and strong family.

The problem with many modern women is that they do not know how to choose partners. Before marrying, one must become a mature individual with aligned life views, achievements, clear goals, and the ability to achieve them. They should seek a spouse who wants the same things without needing to be re-educated, pitied, or have their complexes and traumas unraveled. In other words, a happy marriage requires healthy individuals, not two confused and frightened people trying to prove who can achieve more.

Looking at common family problems, it is clear where they stem from. Infidelity, for example, often occurs because someone initially chose the wrong partner. Over time, this person realizes they are unhappy and unsatisfied. They have several options: cheat, accidentally meet “the one,” or suffer and give up on everything. Another sad outcome of an unhappy marriage is domestic violence, where spouses fail to build a proper family. The message is clear: happiness requires self-sufficient individuals who are not willing to settle for the prospect of molding someone into the person they need.

Children and Age

As controversial as it may sound, many marriages fall apart because of children. Children are not to blame; the fault lies with parents who live only for their children. Consider the typical mother who claims she has given everything for her children. Such statements often evoke frustration. Children are not the entire family; a family consists of all members living happily and developing as individuals. Focusing solely on children and sacrificing everything for them can lead to another sad outcome: ingratitude. Many women struggle when their children grow up. However, this is the natural order of things. Children grow up and leave to build their own families, while the husband and wife should remain together. Therefore, a woman should remember not only her children but also her husband, just as a man should remember his wife.

Happiness and health lie in raising children to become independent and capable of building their own lives. What about older women? If a woman has not learned to be a woman and does not know what makes a good wife, she will not be happy regardless of her age. However, a common stereotype suggests that older women are not interesting to anyone. This is the problem. Older women are more established individuals with independence, experience, and wisdom. Who would not want such a partner? They have a much better chance of building a strong family than young university or even school graduates. Similarly, older men have more advantages, provided they have done something for their development by that age.