Overcoming the Fear of Cunnilingus: A Personal Journey

Sex is a topic that my friends and I often discuss. I’ve always been curious about others’ perspectives on such matters. I also enjoy conversing with members of sexual minorities, as they often provide unique insights. However, when the conversation turns to oral sex, I start to feel uneasy. I have a deep-seated fear of cunnilingus, and I’ve developed a list of reasons to justify my aversion to this type of pleasure.

Where It All Began

Trying to recall the origin of my fear, I draw a blank. Since I was 19, I’ve had several serious relationships with regular partners. I never had issues with arousal. The only incident that comes to mind involved one of my boyfriends. During sex, he started to go down on me, and I panicked. I distracted him with kisses and literally pushed him away. He was surprised and asked what was wrong—perhaps I didn’t like what he was doing? The truth was, I didn’t. After that, he never brought up cunnilingus again, and after our relationship ended, I was back to square one.

After discussing my problem with several people, I realized I’m not alone in feeling discomfort during oral sex. Even though I’m not unique in this situation, I still want to understand why I react this way to something that many women and men consider one of the best parts of sex. Is there something wrong with me? Or with my body? Why do I feel overwhelming shame every time a guy goes down on me? In any case, I’ll share what exactly bothers me about this process.

Too Close for Comfort

Except for porn movies, I’ve never seen female genitalia from the close-up perspective that a man has during cunnilingus. I can’t even examine my own genitalia that closely, so the thought of someone else’s face being that close to a place that’s visually inaccessible to me is frightening. It drives me crazy that I can’t determine how ‘good’ my vagina looks, so I can’t imagine how I’d feel if someone were to evaluate it mentally.

A guy can stare at my face as much as he wants because I know what I look like, but I won’t allow anyone to look ‘down there.’ That’s personal.

Comparison with Others

As I’ve said, I’ve never had the opportunity to examine my own genitalia or those of other women, but I know that guys don’t share my fears. They’ve been ‘face to face’ with some, if not many. That’s why every time a guy tries to please me, I imagine him comparing my vagina with those of his other partners. And that, I must say, is unbearable. Here’s what I see in my head: ‘It’s not as pink, it’s bigger/smaller than that one, it’s better/worse than the last one.’ The fact that I don’t know what a guy is thinking during cunnilingus kills my desire.

What If He Doesn’t Like It?

I know that many people love cunnilingus. At least, that’s what they say. I, on the other hand, cringe at the mere thought of it. That’s why I have another fear: how can someone genuinely enjoy performing cunnilingus on me if I dislike it so much?

I don’t want a guy to do it just for my sake, secretly feeling disgust and hinting at it later. Don’t tell me it’s great just to be polite. In my opinion, it’s better to be honest from the start so that no one feels awkward afterward.

Taste Concerns

I’ve read a lot about how the food and drinks we consume affect the taste of our genitalia. And, to be honest, this fact weighs too heavily on me. As soon as a guy goes down on me, I start mentally recounting how much coffee I’ve had that day and what I had for dinner, then panic about tasting like a dumpster ‘down there.’ How can I relax when all I think about is what my partner will feel?

To Shave or Not to Shave

Honestly, shaving is a chore, and I’m sure that in an ideal world, any woman would refuse the need to shave and embrace her natural self. When I shave my legs, I realize that I’ve spent a lot of time on it, let alone my genitalia. I maintain proper hygiene, but the thought of a guy wanting to see completely smooth genitalia drives me crazy. And, to be honest, I don’t do it because I dislike the thought of going through the discomfort of skin irritation, ingrown hairs, and the need to do it regularly since hair grows back too quickly. Plus, stubble, in my opinion, is anything but sexy. The only scenario where I might consider oral sex is right after I’ve stepped out of the shower.

I know that this is probably just my personal paranoia and insecurity about my body, and of course, I’m not the only one who feels self-conscious about many things. But nevertheless, I just can’t relax and enjoy it. And no guy has been understanding or caring enough to listen to me and reassure me that I have nothing to worry about. Maybe someday I’ll meet someone who can truly relax me, and perhaps I’ll come to enjoy this type of sex. But until then, even the thought of it stresses me out.

For further reading on body positivity and self-confidence, you can visit this article.