How Past Relationships Hinder Your Happiness

If you feel like you’re “unlucky in love,” you might be familiar with this sensation: new relationships, but an ever-present feeling of déjà vu. Different guy, different interests, different life, but the same problems, hurts, and disappointments. If you’re stuck in this cycle of failed romances, it’s time to examine how past relationships are affecting your present.

Infidelity

Experiencing infidelity can distort your view of new relationships and complicate them. As psychotherapist Jasmine Terreni notes, betrayed individuals often protect themselves from potential future betrayals by adopting a “guilty until proven innocent” stance:

If you’ve been cheated on, you’re likely to guard your heart and expect it to happen again. This creates a problem in building true intimacy.

Try to remember that your new partner is a different person, and not all men are the same. Openly discuss your fears related to past experiences, but don’t deny them the opportunity to earn your trust.

Break-ups

If you’ve ever been suddenly dumped, the fear of rejection can become your immunity to new love interests for a long time. Terreni advises those who find it difficult to build relationships due to fear of betrayal not to be ashamed of their emotions, but to take care of themselves and be open:

The goal is to be safe in your vulnerability, not to avoid vulnerability. It’s important not just to “give your heart away,” but to remember that you are responsible for yourself.

You don’t need to be emotionally closed off to feel safe in a relationship. You can’t completely eliminate the possibility of loss, but you can learn to cope with this stress and move on.

Being Seen Only as a Sexual Object

Sex is an important, but not the main, element in relationships. If you’ve ever felt that a past partner only used you for physical intimacy, this can hinder intimacy in the future. The stereotypical accusation “you only want one thing” didn’t come out of nowhere. Men often see women only as sexual objects. Having encountered such an attitude once, it’s hard to convince yourself that not everyone is only interested in your body.

To avoid falling into the trap of your own sexuality, try not only to pay attention to your partner’s behavior but also to control your own mixed signals. Don’t focus too much on sex to interest someone—it’s not a safe foundation for a relationship.

Lack of Emotional Intimacy

A lack of trusting, open contact in the past can make you build unnecessary artificial boundaries in your current relationships. The inability to share feelings can arise for various reasons. One of them is if you were once vulnerable but then decided to completely close off.

Hurt people who have decided never to show their feelings again find little joy in new relationships, notes relationship expert Susan Winter. At the same time, new partners also suffer from their emotional closure.

It can also be difficult for a person to open up if they have never experienced emotional intimacy before. Regardless of why it’s difficult for you to express emotions, it’s important to work on this issue. As Jasmine Terreni notes:

The more comfortable you become with yourself, the easier it is to share your whole “self” with another.

An honest conversation with your partner about some of your problems can be the first step towards emotional intimacy.

Denial of Guilt

Another important issue that can affect your new relationships is the inability to admit your past mistakes. If you constantly deny your guilt, you won’t find a healthy way to build a relationship with someone new.

Don’t bring old habits of solving problems with scandals and blaming your partner into a life with another person. As Susan Winter emphasizes, we must be ready to change to avoid past mistakes:

By not doing this, we simply repeat our mistakes. We will blame every new partner who comes into our lives. It’s their fault, and we are victims again. It is this belief that keeps us in a state of stagnation and inability to move forward.

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