Couple Activities: Together or Apart?
Childbirth: Together
The practice of joint childbirth is quite common in many countries. In Europe and the USA, for example, it is not customary for a woman to give birth alone. The rooms there are cozier, resembling simple hotel rooms rather than cold laboratories, and the medical staff is quite welcoming to the friends and relatives of the patient. Remember the three birth stories in the TV show “Friends”—no one goes out drinking with friends; all loved ones (partner, friends) help. The father is present in the room, and if the father is not available, then friends are. During childbirth, the father or one friend, the partner, is present.
In these countries, couples do not even think about whether to give birth together. They are together; the child is the fruit of their joint initiative, so they should give birth together. On the other hand, it is a mistake to think that fathers in these countries are not scared or know everything. Couples attend partner prenatal courses throughout the nine months, communicate in groups with people who have given birth, with friends who have children, and watch educational videos.
In our country, women often do not even bring up this topic because they are afraid of seeming unattractive to their partners. This reminds us of ladies who do not show themselves without makeup to their partners and rush to the bathroom in the morning to freshen up. This is not normal; there is clearly no trust in the couple, and people live by some fictional ideals.
Psychologists argue that partner childbirth and the presence of a man do not reduce sexual attraction in the future. This is only possible if the couple already has significant problems. Psychologists also believe that joint childbirth gives fathers a strong bond with their children, making these fathers more involved in their family’s life. According to the law, in Russia, you can give birth with a partner. This right has been legally established for over 8 years. It is important to understand that, although a maternity hospital in our understanding is a hospital, childbirth is not an illness or an operation. This process should be perceived as a joint endeavor. And most importantly, do not forget that both the father and the mother need long prenatal preparation.
Communicating with Your Friends: Separately
Communicating with people close to you in spirit is an important part of life that requires attention and time. Moreover, your social roles in a couple and in a friendly company are somewhat different. Communicating with friends is a certain special freedom that should be appreciated and given to yourself and your partner.
Communicating with Friends (You Made Together!): Together
On vacation, you met some great people, or at a dance, or during a pottery workshop. You have a lot in common; it does not necessarily have to be a couple. Great, these are your mutual friends; enjoy. Another note—joint parties, for example, for a birthday. Here, the composition of the guests can be very diverse: you are not the Queen of England and are not obliged to celebrate your events in any special way. Meanwhile, do not limit yourself because of his and your friends. You are all adults and can have a good time together. If it is a big party, it is quite acceptable to invite your and his friends, as well as relatives you like.
Watching Porn: Separately
There is an opinion that joint viewing of porn brings something to the relationship. However, it has been repeatedly proven that if you watch porn with the goal of “getting turned on” and “getting satisfaction,” it is not very useful. I can understand sailors or teenagers, although meditation and proper energy distribution have not been canceled. Nevertheless, psychologists and sexologists argue that watching porn with such goals does not end well for adults. Therefore, it is better to act out porn together. But how to show an example, you ask. You do not need to show, but to tell. And this will already become a prelude. Because porn actors do not look like ordinary people and do not do what we do (well, sometimes). For example, according to research, when entering a sex shop, most women ask about the availability of the largest-sized phallus imitator, but they usually leave the store with a “rubber friend” of the most trivial, average diameter and length. Researchers also surveyed women about the frequent sexual fantasy of double penetration, and most responded that they would not want to experience such emotions in real life. If you do not look at ready-made templates together, but simply draw useful information and discuss it with your partner, the effect can be great.
That is why you can watch porn alone to see what the brain is afraid to produce and draw ideas. By the way, for those who do not like this genre, there are many educational videos that tell and show techniques. And there are many articles.
Walks and Travels with a Pet: Together
Your four-legged friend is part of the family, so they should participate in all the trips you would take them on. By the way, it is much more convenient to take a dog to a new city with your partner. In many places, such as stores and pharmacies, guests with animals are not welcomed. This way, you will have someone to leave your friend with for a couple of minutes. Besides, resting with an animal will help the pet get used to a new person and start trusting them, which will make your life in general much more pleasant.
Communicating with a Pet: Separately
As with human friends, it is necessary to spend personal time with your pet. After all, they love you, know you, trust you. Besides, you need to develop skills with them and play—everyone enjoys doing this, getting involved in the process 100%. Also, do not shift the responsibility for your animal onto your partner. Even if you live together, walk your dog yourself, or walk together in threes.
Traveling: Together
There is an opinion that married people should rest from each other. However, it is not confirmed by scientists. Perhaps this is just an attempt by unhappy people in relationships to mask their condition. Joint travels are a treasure trove of new emotions, an opportunity for joint evolution—moral, intellectual, and physical. After all, development is the key to personal happiness and the happiness of two. Of course, if you dream of going to the North Pole, hiking through a mountain range, and your partner even stumbles over a threshold and does not want to go, do not force them. But there are two questions: “Are you really suitable for each other?” and “Why not try?”. Of course, if the trip is extreme and requires skills, the main thing here is safety, and unprepared people should not participate in it.
Pursuing Your Hobbies: Separately
If you love origami and your partner loves documentary films, you should definitely discuss this over lunch. But to have something to discuss, it is good to have your own interesting activities. Moreover, the point of a hobby is the joy it brings, not to have your partner always in sight. Otherwise, do not forget to buy them a playpen and lock them in there.
Pursuing Joint Hobbies: Together
For example, you went on a trip and started doing yoga there; you liked it so much that you decided to continue at home. Here is a great joint activity. Suppose you have long wanted to do ballroom dancing, but not with a random person. When you are in a couple, you have this opportunity. And what if my partner is not a fan of dancing, you ask. Here you can long reason about the psychotherapeutic significance of dancing and even give your partner a smart book, or you can sulk for a couple of days. But it is better to simply say “please” and promise to do something important for them. For example, they have long wanted to compete in table tennis doubles—you can try to learn. There is a good movie on this topic, “A Case of You” (released in Russian as “It’s About You”). There, the hero’s friend’s girlfriend says an excellent phrase: “You do not have to love what he likes, but you should try, because it pleases him.” Therefore, joint activities are just that.
