Gaslighting: How to Recognize and Overcome Emotional Manipulation
Understanding Gaslighting: A Subtle Form of Emotional Abuse
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that can occur in various relationships, including those with colleagues, family members, or romantic partners. It involves manipulating someone into doubting their own reality, making them vulnerable to further mistreatment. This article explores the story of Jenya, a victim of gaslighting in the workplace, and provides insights on how to recognize and overcome such situations.
Jenya’s Story: A Classic Case of Workplace Gaslighting
Jenya had been working in her department for five years when she was offered a new position with a higher salary. However, she had to go through a probationary period to prove her capabilities. Her new supervisor, Nikita, initially seemed pleasant to work with. Jenya diligently completed all her tasks, but soon, Nikita began assigning her additional responsibilities not part of her job description.
Feeling overwhelmed, Jenya asked to focus on her primary duties. During a team meeting, Nikita publicly stated, “Although Jenya is not yet one of us, I hope she will understand the importance of team spirit and hard work!”. Humiliated, Jenya later confronted Nikita privately. He dismissed her concerns, claiming she misunderstood his intentions. Determined to prove herself, Jenya took on even more tasks, despite her growing workload.
Recognizing Gaslighting
Gaslighting is not always intentional, but it can be a tool used by individuals with personality disorders or those seeking control. It aims to make the victim doubt their reality and become dependent on the abuser. Common signs of gaslighting include:
- Constantly questioning your memory or perception of events
- Feeling confused, anxious, or isolated in the relationship
- Frequently apologizing to the abuser
- Making excuses for the abuser’s behavior
- Feeling like you’re never good enough
Strategies to Overcome Gaslighting
Analyze and Document
Reflect on who makes you feel undervalued and document incidents that make you uncomfortable. Keep records such as journal entries, text messages, or audio recordings to help you stay grounded in your reality.
Redirect Statements
Create “anchor statements” to remind yourself of your truth. Repeat affirmations and refer to your documentation to counteract the abuser’s false narrative.
Evaluate the Relationship
Consider whether the relationship is worth maintaining. If it’s a work relationship, weigh the pros and cons of staying in the job. If you decide to stay, find ways to minimize contact with the abuser.
Seek Support
Consult trusted friends, family, or a therapist specializing in trauma and covert abuse. They can provide an objective perspective and help you process your experiences. Some victims find solace in sharing their stories and supporting others who have gone through similar situations.
Record Your Journey
Document your experiences and feelings to track your progress. Separate your desires and needs from the abuser’s demands. This can help you regain control of your life and shift your focus from being a victim to becoming a survivor.
Changing Your Perspective
Shift your focus from being a victim to being a survivor. You don’t have to remain a victim forever. Once you’ve healed, consider helping others who have experienced gaslighting. Remember, it’s essential to prioritize your well-being and surround yourself with supportive people.
For more information on gaslighting, you can refer to this article.
