Not Your Fault: Why Women Fake Orgasms

Experts from Columbia and Oakland Universities surveyed 450 women aged 18 to 40 and found that 53% of women fake orgasms with their partners. American studies have shown that the main reason for this behavior is the fear of losing their partner. I have previously written about how women hide the truth in bed not out of possessiveness, but because they prioritize their partner’s feelings over their own pleasure. I wanted to hear real opinions on why women feel the need to fake it and what they think about those who make it a habit.

Alina, 24 years old

I never fake it if I’m in a serious relationship. It’s important for my boyfriend to know how my body works so he can give me real pleasure. Honesty is crucial in long-term relationships. But with one-night stands, I don’t bother. I fake orgasms to make my partner feel more confident, to make him think he’s done a great job. Sometimes I’m lucky and the sex is amazing, but more often than not, I’m not satisfied. So, I prefer to pretend everything was perfect. We probably won’t see each other again, so why ruin the mood?

Erika, 28 years old

I admit I fake orgasms more often than I should. I have a stressful job, and household chores are always there. Almost every day, I feel tired, stressed, or drained, but my husband wants sex. I appreciate his efforts to keep our intimate life active, and I don’t want to refuse him. Sometimes I genuinely enjoy it, but when I’m tired, it’s hard to be passionate and open to pleasure. I pretend to have an orgasm when sex drags on because my husband genuinely wants us both to enjoy it. He won’t stop until we both feel satisfied.

Catherine, 26 years old

I never fake it. At least, not anymore. I used to pretend to have orgasms all the time, but then I met a guy who handled the situation correctly. When we started dating, I faked pleasure every time we had sex. He had no idea I had never experienced real pleasure. Not once! But I decided to confess everything to him because I had feelings for him. To my surprise, he listened carefully and suggested we figure out why I wasn’t experiencing orgasms. I was touched that he cared about my pleasure, and I’m glad I don’t have to pretend anymore. Our sexual life has changed dramatically. It’s become more complicated but much more interesting. I’ve also realized that sex doesn’t have to end in an orgasm; there’s a lot of pleasure in the process if both partners try.

Marina, 21 years old

I have never faked an orgasm or said I had one. During sex, I moan very loudly, and some of my partners think I’ve already climaxed, even when I’m not close. I’m not ashamed of being loud, and I don’t do it to please the guy. That’s just how I feel during sex. On one hand, it’s liberating and gives me confidence, but on the other, guys start thinking they’re sex gods and stop genuinely caring about my pleasure.

Natalia, 25 years old

I’ve never had to fake an orgasm. I believe the last thing you should do in bed is pretend. I deserve real pleasure and I’m sure I’ll get it. I genuinely don’t understand women who lie to their partners; it’s disrespectful to both themselves and their partners. If you don’t like what your partner is doing, ask him to do it differently. My boyfriend and I always discuss positions, feelings, and desires so that the next time we’re intimate, each of us knows what the other expects and how to give pleasure. It’s not a puzzle; it’s a natural process. Even if I don’t have an orgasm, I still know whether I enjoyed it or if the sex was bad. I think unsuccessful sex is a very clear concept. Negative emotions are a failure. Lying is a failure. And if you didn’t reach climax but still enjoyed sex, is that really a failure that needs to be covered up with a lie? I don’t think so. I advise women to approach sex more simply, and then it will be easier to both enjoy it and achieve a well-deserved orgasm.

Alexandra, 27 years old

I try not to pretend in bed, but sometimes I just can’t reach an orgasm. I feel like my body just can’t get what it needs from sex on certain days. In those moments, I just tell my boyfriend that I can’t anymore, that I’ve lost sensitivity or that everything is fine, but I’m not going to climax. Sometimes he stops and we’re both satisfied, but often he keeps trying, changing positions or intensity. I feel awkward when he tries so hard and I still can’t reach an orgasm. I want to make him happy, so thoughts of faking it come to mind. But I choose to tell the truth. If I lie to him, I’ll feel like the sex was unsuccessful, and it will be hard for me to have sex next time because I’ll feel like I’m not sensitive enough.

Alice, 22 years old

I fake orgasms if sex goes on for too long. My body gets tired, and emotionally, I’m no longer excited; I start thinking about other things: work, dinner. Sometimes I even catch myself thinking about movie scenes. I don’t judge women who fake orgasms because it’s completely normal. Men find it physiologically easier to climax, but for women, pleasure is a range of factors, and any detail can ruin an orgasm. When your genitals are already irritated, there’s no lubrication, and you start feeling disgusted by how sweaty you’ve become in bed, there’s no point in continuing. It’s better not to have an orgasm but still enjoy the process than to end on a bad note when sex starts to annoy you. I don’t see the point in dramatizing sex if you can just say, ‘Okay, let’s stop.’ Guys often say they’re tired or have lost sensitivity, so why can’t women do the same?

Love, 30 years old

When I was younger, I didn’t experience orgasms but learned to fake them. I was ashamed that I couldn’t enjoy myself, and to avoid feeling inadequate, I pretended. I thought that whether I climaxed or not determined whether I made a good impression on the guy. Back then, I thought orgasms were easy. Girls moan and roll their eyes; they must be passionate and experienced lovers. Those are the ones guys always want and please. I wanted to be one of them. I didn’t know then that a lot depends on physiology and mood, sexual fantasies, and your partner. I was too insecure to explore my own body. Now I’m older and more experienced. I’ve learned what a real orgasm is, but with that understanding came the realization that modern culture imposes a ‘truth’ on women: that sex always ends in an orgasm, and that faking it means lying to yourself. Sometimes I climax, sometimes I don’t. If I want to, I tell the truth; if I feel it’s better to stay silent, I do. I look for other things in sex: closeness, the feeling of a man’s body, excitement, new experiences. And if I need to, I can bring myself to orgasm on my own.

Elizabeth, 23 years old

I often feel pain during sex. Whether it’s due to the structure of my genitals or my partner’s size, it doesn’t matter. Many women experience painful sex and lie about enjoying it because they don’t want to give up on sex. This isn’t always something that can be fixed with sex toys. And if you’re constantly tense during sex and trying to fend off intrusive thoughts that something is wrong with you, it’s not easy. According to heroine.ru, many women face similar issues but often suffer in silence.