Personality Traits That Can Make You Unlikable at First Sight

The old saying “You’re judged by your appearance” holds a significant amount of truth. However, the phrase “by your appearance” should be interpreted broadly, as it refers not only to your physical appearance but also to the first impression you make. If you exhibit a particular trait that someone finds unacceptable during your first encounter, your relationship with that person may not develop positively, even if that initial impression is mistaken.

Insecurity

You don’t have to be genuinely insecure or shy to appear that way. This trait is primarily judged by your body language and posture. If you stand or sit hunched over, cross your arms as if creating a barrier between you and your conversation partner, avoid eye contact, and drop your shoulders, anyone would interpret this posture as a lack of self-confidence and a hidden fear of new acquaintances.

Simply straightening your shoulders, standing up straight, and not being afraid to look at the person you’re communicating with can make a difference. Psychologists have proven that adopting such an “open” posture, shaking someone’s hand, or smiling widely can boost your confidence. Additionally, your conversation partner will enjoy communicating with someone who is open and approachable.

Laziness and Apathy

When we talk about “laziness,” we’re not referring to the kind that prevents us from doing household chores on time. Instead, we’re talking about psychological laziness. If you show no interest in your conversation partner, take no initiative in the conversation, ask no questions, and respond with one-word answers, your new acquaintance will likely leave ten minutes into the conversation.

While it may not always be interesting to ask standard questions about family, work, and hobbies, these questions serve as good “hooks” to start a conversation. From there, the discussion can naturally progress to more intriguing topics. However, it’s also important not to bombard your conversation partner with too many questions. Asking a few questions, reacting emotionally, and sharing a couple of things about yourself should suffice. If you don’t want to talk about a particular topic, politely explain this.

Arrogance

In 2011, Canadian psychologists from the University of British Columbia conducted a series of experiments on the perception of emotions in men and women. They aimed to determine which emotion, displayed on the face of a stranger of the opposite sex, was perceived as the most and least attractive during a first encounter. The results showed that men rated women who openly displayed pride and arrogance the lowest. This is likely because the subconscious interprets such a facial expression as a sense of superiority, and who would want to communicate with someone who thinks they are much better than others?

An arrogant expression can sometimes unintentionally appear in the facial expressions and actions of people who are actually shy and trying to be braver. It’s essential not to overdo it and confuse confidence with arrogance. Squinted eyes, a nose held high, a sideways glance, and a sneer instead of an open smile are not the best way to start an acquaintance. It’s better to try to be more natural.

Perfection

Everyone would like to be smart, beautiful, athletic, and perfect all at once. However, life is not that simple. People who are perfect in every way are often not well-liked. This is not necessarily due to envy, as one might initially think. The issue is that these “perfect” people start a conversation and immediately try to please their conversation partner and make them as comfortable as possible. This can trigger a slight paranoia in most people: what if this person is being deceitful and wants something from our interaction? Why are they so interested in me?

It’s not necessary to try to make a perfect first impression and please your new acquaintance. As mentioned earlier, it’s better to be yourself and not be afraid to make a mistake or say something wrong—you can always apologize.

Hiding Emotions

Some women are phlegmatic by nature, and the storm of emotions that may be happening inside them is not necessarily reflected on their faces. A good example is Bella Swan from the movie “Twilight,” whose face never reveals whether she is scared, surprised, happy, or just sleepy. While vampires and werewolves might approve of such a poker face and sense their conversation partner’s mood through smell or other signs, ordinary people have a hard time.

If a conversation partner does not express any emotions, we subconsciously categorize them as opponents who do not want to reveal themselves to us. It’s even worse if the conversation partner does not laugh at jokes or even smile at them—they may be silently accused of the terrible sin of “having no sense of humor.” In this case, the entire first encounter will be ruined, as few people want to befriend someone with a poker face who will never laugh at their jokes.

Self-Criticism

Self-criticism is a good thing if it is expressed at the right time and in the right situation. A first encounter is not such a situation, so any self-criticism, even if it is ironic, can be perceived as self-pity and a desire to fish for compliments.

Therefore, it’s not a good idea to sarcastically talk about your weaknesses and failures during a first encounter. There will always be time for that later if you continue communicating in a friendly manner. It’s better to choose neutral topics where you don’t have to complain about failures or brag about successes.

Nervousness

A nervous person can be spotted from a mile away—they fidget with a bracelet or button, twist some small object in their hands, constantly look at their watch, and glance around. One moment they are laughing out loud, and the next, they are extremely serious. There may be a good reason for such behavior—perhaps stress or a difficult life situation—and these small nervous tics may help them calm down. However, during a first encounter, no one knows about such a situation, so it’s essential to pull yourself together.

If you can’t get rid of small fidgety movements, you can put a small toy or piece of jewelry in your pocket and discreetly play with it during the conversation. This can help calm your nerves without drawing attention from others.

For further reading on the topic of psychology and first impressions, you can visit The American Psychological Association.