7 Outdated Principles of a Happy Marriage You Should Leave Behind

Society evolves, and so does the institution of marriage. While parental blessings for marriage have long been optional, other patriarchal norms still raise doubts. However, the marital union is becoming increasingly free—not in a negative sense. Today, more emphasis is placed on the comfort of each individual rather than just the “family unit.” What has changed?

You Always Need to Sleep in the Same Bed

Few people openly discuss their nighttime routines with their spouse. But if you want to sleep separately, don’t blame yourself for loving them less or think your relationship is failing. Sleep is an intimate personal space. What joy is there in constantly sharing a bed if one partner disturbs the other? Whether it’s tossing, turning, snoring, or simply radiating heat, sharing a bed isn’t always comfortable. While cuddling under the covers might be cozy in winter, it can feel like sticking to a leather seat in public transport during a hot summer.

If you need a peaceful night’s sleep away from your partner, there’s nothing wrong with that. Humans are physiological beings, and no amount of love can drown out a loud snore in your ear. Sleeping in separate beds is perfectly acceptable and doesn’t affect your relationship.

You Must Share the Same Hobbies

An unspoken belief suggests that spouses should spend maximum free time together and share the same hobbies for a happy and strong marriage. If one loves football and the other enjoys ballroom dancing, it’s thought to create cracks in the relationship.

In reality, opposites often attract and find happiness together. Constantly being together doesn’t necessarily strengthen a marriage. Having a shared hobby is great for spending more time together, but forcing one can be counterproductive. Sometimes, it’s beneficial to spend time apart, enjoying personal hobbies. A shared interest might develop naturally over time.

You Can’t Be Friends with People of the Opposite Sex

The stereotype “Men and women can’t be just friends” comes from popular comedies. While these often joke that such friendships are possible only if one is homosexual, this isn’t true. Even teenagers, despite hormonal surges, demonstrate successful cross-sex friendships. Adults are not obsessed with sex and often form friendships based on shared interests or compatible personalities. Therefore, friends of the opposite sex should not cause any concerns for you or your spouse.

You Must Always Vacation Together

Vacations are rare, so many couples try to spend them together, especially if workdays don’t allow enough quality time. However, if your daily interactions are already close and fulfilling, there’s no need to be inseparable during vacations. You might want to spend part of your vacation in different places. There’s nothing wrong with vacationing separately. The purpose of a vacation is to rest and change scenery while enjoying yourself. If you prefer the cool fjords of Norway and your spouse loves a sun-drenched beach, finding a compromise might be impossible. It’s simpler to spend one vacation apart, fully enjoying your experiences, and then share your adventures and emotions afterward.

You Should Never Argue

Good families do argue less frequently, but this comes with caveats. First, they argue less because they work on their relationships and allow each other to vent or express themselves. Silently harboring resentment and constantly yielding to your partner just to avoid arguments can lead to an emotional outburst. Second, it’s impossible never to argue, even over small things. What matters is not the disagreement itself but how you resolve it. Learning to turn a brewing argument into a reasonable discussion can make arguments less fearsome.

You Should Never Go to Bed Angry

Popular psychology books often advise resolving all conflicts before bedtime, ensuring you retire with a clear mind and settled issues. While this sounds good in theory, it’s not always practical. Sometimes, conflicts can lead to lengthy discussions that prevent both sleep and resolution. In such cases, it’s better to sleep on it. The saying “Morning is wiser than evening” holds true. Overnight, negative emotions often dissipate, allowing both parties to view the conflict more objectively. Resolving it becomes easier, and you might even realize it wasn’t worth the stress.

Spouses Must Be Passionately in Love

Much debate surrounds marriages based on love and passion. While it’s wonderful for love to last a lifetime, as in romantic novels, it’s unrealistic to expect the intense passion of the first few years to endure forever. Love comes in many forms, and building a marriage solely on passion and chemistry is unwise. Losing that initial spark is a normal psychological phase in relationships, not a reason to seek divorce. Couples should work through this phase together, allowing their love to transform into a different, perhaps even deeper, form of attachment that they might appreciate even more.