7 Communication Mistakes You’re Making and How to Fix Them
7 Communication Mistakes You’re Making and How to Fix Them
Struggling to say “no” and living according to your own desires is a problem that modern psychology finds more intriguing than feminists fighting for equality. This explains the popularity of articles offering advice on how to refuse and get what you want. However, if we initially approached choosing our circle correctly, we wouldn’t have to restructure toxic behavior patterns. If you’re wondering why you attract unwanted situations and annoying people, we’ll tell you which communication mistakes you’re making and how to fix them. Following these tips, you can narrow down your circle of pseudo-friends.
1. Sharing Personal Topics with Strangers
Separating your personal life from the rest is important not only because your bedroom preferences might become office gossip. When you become open with someone you barely know, it reduces the distance between you and gives them a reason to consider you a friend. Once you’ve poured your heart out, you risk condemning yourself to listening to the life stories of someone you don’t care about for a long time.
2. Being Too Polite
Before going beyond basic politeness, think about why you’re doing it. We all want to be kind and love people, but we shouldn’t turn our love for humanity into servility. For example, you don’t have to engage in every conversation, unless it’s about a salary raise. Understand that there are plenty of people around who are just waiting for an opportunity to clutter your mind with their meaningless thoughts.
3. Not Knowing How to Refuse
This isn’t necessarily about specific help, but any interactions: going to the movies with someone when you’d rather stay home, going out for a smoke with colleagues even though you hate cigarette smoke. You’re willing to endure any torment just to avoid saying “no”. Think about how much time, nerves, and energy you’ll save by explaining once that you have no desire to spend time with that person.
4. Feeling Obliged to Respond to Messages
You maintain silly, meaningless dialogues on social networks simply because it’s inconvenient to leave a message unanswered. The conversation goes like “How are you?”, “What’s new?”, and before you know it, you’re reporting your day to some random guy. Not everyone realizes they’re invading your personal space. Even if you respond reluctantly and briefly, they’ll keep dragging out the conversation, draining your life energy with each word.
5. Being Afraid to Be Honest
Equating honesty with rudeness is a big mistake. To stop unwanted communication, you don’t have to be rude or tell someone off. It’s enough to say: “You’re a great guy (colleague, neighbor, former classmate, pizza delivery guy – whichever applies), but I won’t be friends with you, I’m not interested.” This might not sound very friendly, but it’s not as hypocritical as constantly making excuses about why you’re busy this and every other weekend.
6. Letting Your Mood Dictate Your Actions
Sometimes you’re just in a good mood and act friendly towards someone you don’t like. The mood passes, but the person still thinks you like them. Should you blame them for this? Be prepared to take responsibility for misleading someone with your friendliness. Remember, taking responsibility doesn’t mean continuing communication against your will.
7. Worrying About What Others Think
Not wanting to seem like a crazy sociopath traps you in a web of unnecessary connections. It’s quite possible that after your refusal, a person might consider you mean, rude, gloomy, arrogant, and who knows what else. Even if you’re nice to them as if nothing happened, it doesn’t guarantee they won’t make the same unflattering conclusions about your personality. So, don’t care about what others think, and don’t even think about what’s going on in their heads.
If you find yourself in a situation where a colleague or boss is trying to become your unwanted friend, and you still have to interact with them, don’t let the relationship go beyond work boundaries and refer to the first point on our list.
For further reading, check out this article on Psychology Today about improving communication skills.
