How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex: A Parent’s Guide

How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex: A Parent’s Guide

Sex education is a crucial topic in Belarus, where over a thousand teenage girls become mothers each year. Lack of knowledge also leads to higher risks of sexually transmitted diseases among the youth. Many adults face issues rooted in sexual ignorance. How should parents approach the topic of sex with their children? We gathered insights from a school teacher, parents, and a psychologist-sexologist.

“Children sometimes ask ‘spicy’ questions privately”: Anastasia, Math Teacher and Class Tutor with 12 Years of Experience

Sex education should be discussed both at home and in school. Parents play a significant role, but schools must also contribute. Currently, there are no class hours dedicated to this topic with the involvement of psychologists. As a class tutor, I sometimes face private “spicy” questions and requests for advice from students.

Well-organized classes can help teenagers deal with complexes about their appearance and bodies. Should such a subject be introduced in the school curriculum? It’s a complex question. We could start with extracurricular activities or additional classes involving doctors, as I believe they are more competent in this matter.

“I was the one blushing”: Vera, Mother of One, 39 Years Old

My son is already 21 years old. During his teenage years, we were fortunate to have a trusting relationship, although there were many awkward moments in our conversations. Children at this age know a lot from the internet, but the vast amount of information can confuse them.

I was the one blushing because I wasn’t prepared to answer “interesting” questions directly. I believe a subject on sex education is necessary. Such classes should not only explain what sex is but also discuss health, healthy attitudes towards one’s body, relationships between boys and girls, and building relationships. I think this is what’s missing nowadays.

I tried to talk about these topics with my child from the age of 12 when girls started to interest him. It didn’t always go smoothly, but I did my best. Usually, when I tried to explain what a condom is and its purpose, I heard, “Mom, I know.”

Anatomy has always interested my son. By the way, he entered a biological faculty and is already in his fourth year. Unfortunately, in my childhood, I didn’t have such a relationship with my parents, and there were no conversations about sex education at all. I think that’s why I tried to get as close as possible to my child. I’m glad I succeeded; maybe it wasn’t perfect, but I managed.

“I teach my daughter not to be part of the herd with silicone body parts”: Lily, Mother of Two Daughters, 41 Years Old

A subject on sex education should be mandatory: children grow up early these days due to the internet and “advanced” peers. Therefore, the sooner this subject is introduced, the better for the proper formation of a child’s personality, say, from 11-12 years old.

I regularly talk to my eldest daughter about “these” topics. We communicate like girlfriends or sisters, not as mother and daughter. The relationship is truly open. For example, my daughter knows that I started my intimate life early and regret it. Using my example, I tried to explain that one should value spiritual beauty in a person before physical beauty.

My daughter and I have no barriers regarding intimate topics. Perhaps she knows even too much about me, but I want her to avoid my mistakes and be wiser and more responsible in her actions and decisions.

My mother didn’t talk to me about such topics. She was probably embarrassed (and there was no sex in the USSR), so I listened to “experienced” girlfriends. And when girls in the class talked about who was with whom, I stood aside and thought that my virginity was a defect that needed to be urgently eliminated.

Regarding the subject of sex education in school, I think that a man should teach boys and a woman should teach girls. And this person should not just work for hours but be a friend and psychologist to the children! Otherwise, there will be no use in such a subject.

Today, the broadcast of sexuality and the body is so common that respect and admiration are caused by girls and boys who have more correct values. I teach my daughter to judge a person by their actions, not by their appearance. And not to be part of the herd with silicone body parts.

“If your child catches you off guard with a question, say honestly: I don’t know, let me prepare and tell you”: Psychologist Tatiana Tikhomirova

In my opinion, knowledge of physiology and body anatomy can be supported by game-based activities from kindergarten. For young children, words like “penis” and “vulva” sound as ordinary as “hand,” “head,” or “stomach.” It is adults who give these words an emotional color of shame/embarrassment or normality.

Some studies have shown that children who know the names of their genital organs are usually avoided by sexual offenders. Such children are much harder to manipulate because they are well acquainted with safety rules.

I advocate for such a subject in schools where children can also learn how to build romantic relationships, how to cope with breakups, and understand interpersonal and bodily boundaries.

Professionals with narrow specializations, such as gynecologists and urologists, can be invited to the classes. Sex education begins at the birth of a child. Parents are the first to provide the child with knowledge about themselves: whether they are good, loved, beautiful, etc.

Before a child enters a social environment (kindergarten, school), parents are the first to reflect us. Their facial expressions and gestures, accompanied by openness, joy, or embarrassment and silence, will serve as steps in the formation of sexual identity. The task of parents is not to ignore the changes happening to the child, to provide support at different stages of development, and to teach safety rules (including in sex by 10-12 years).

According to statistics, early sexual activity, pregnancy, and diseases are also caused by the sexual illiteracy of parents. At the same time, in countries where sex education is present in schools, there is a low percentage of pregnancies. Schoolchildren approach the issue of sexual life more consciously and start it several years later than their peers from countries without sex education. They have a good understanding of what sex is, its consequences, and how to avoid them.

Parents plus school is a necessary tandem in informing children and adolescents about sex education, hygiene, anatomy as a possibility of a healthy attitude towards themselves and other people, their bodies, and the bodies of their peers.

The negative attitude towards the topic of sex did not appear in Soviet times. The taboo on the topic of “this” arose about 2000 years ago and was passed down from generation to generation. Our parents and grandparents were not taught to talk about sex or sex education. In our time, despite the easy and quick access to everything in the world through the internet, on the one hand, and enlightenment thanks to psychologists and sexologists, on the other hand, the topic of sex education remains relevant.

For more information on sex education, you can refer to authoritative sources such as Planned Parenthood.