10 Common Mistakes to Avoid During Marital Conflicts

Conflicts, arguments, and even divorce are common in many families. However, it’s not the conflicts themselves that lead to the breakdown of relationships, but rather how people behave during these conflicts. How can you listen to each other without blaming? What should you absolutely avoid doing during arguments with your spouse? There are approximately 10 main mistakes that women often make in such situations. Today, we will discuss these mistakes.

Understanding Imperfections

Firstly, it’s important to accept that no one is perfect—neither you nor your partner. You both have flaws, but like everyone else, you want to be loved and accepted for who you are. You can’t be good all the time. You have bad days, times when you want to spend the entire day on the couch or visit a friend. You don’t have to be the perfect wife and mother, just as they don’t have to always be convenient for you. Accept this reality.

Avoiding the Blame Game

Using aggressive methods during conflicts only provokes your spouse to become defensive. As the saying goes, the best defense is a good offense. Therefore, your husband might build an even thicker wall of flaws to hurt you more. If you don’t change your approach to conflict resolution, life can become a constant battle with no winners, only casualties.

Breaking the Cycle of Conflict

From my experience working with women, I’ve noticed a pattern: many women become so accustomed to living in a state of constant conflict that they don’t know how to live in peace when there is no war. This subconsciously provokes new scandals and arguments. It’s important to work on these issues, and often just a few sessions with a specialist can make a significant difference.

Practical Tips for Healthier Conflicts

Here are some practical tips to avoid common mistakes during marital conflicts:

Avoid Criticism: Male pride is often more vulnerable than female pride. Phrases like “What were you thinking?” or “You’re good for nothing!” can leave lasting scars. Instead, try saying something like, “You’re the best, and I know you can fix this cabinet door.”
Avoid Slamming Doors: While dramatic, slamming doors is ineffective. It won’t make your husband see your point or reflect on his actions. Instead, count to ten and calmly express your dissatisfaction.
Don’t Dredge Up Old Grievances: Avoid comparing your husband to other men. Would you like it if your husband compared you to his ex-girlfriends? Discuss past issues if they still bother you, but avoid bringing them up during unrelated arguments.
Avoid Arguing Under the Influence: Never try to resolve conflicts when either of you is under the influence of alcohol. People often say things they regret when they’re not in control. Wait until you’re both sober to have important discussions.
Keep Parents Out of It: Conflicts should involve only you and your partner. If the issue involves parents, discuss it without blaming them. Also, don’t let parents interfere in your arguments.
Never Mention Divorce: Phrases like “Maybe we should split up” are off-limits. Such decisions should never be made in the heat of the moment. Constantly threatening divorce can lead to it becoming a reality, and your partner may stop taking your threats seriously when it really matters.
Avoid Blaming: Blaming each other never leads to a good outcome. Since relationships involve two people, both are responsible. Instead of finding fault, focus on finding solutions. It doesn’t matter who is to blame if the problem affects both of you. Remember, marriage is not a battlefield; it’s about negotiation and listening to each other. Put down your weapons and sit at the negotiation table.
Avoid Bragging About Being Right: Saying “I told you so” might feel satisfying, but it’s not helpful. Your husband might already know you were right, but hearing it during a moment of failure can be infuriating. Instead of gloating, work together to find a solution.
Express Your Emotions: Instead of saying “You hurt me,” say “I felt hurt when…” Instead of “You don’t listen to me,” say “I feel upset that I couldn’t express my feelings and thoughts to you.” Talk about your feelings in a way that your partner can understand and recognize how their actions affected you.
Don’t Suppress Your Emotions: Pretending everything is fine when it’s not can lead to emotional or physical outbursts later. Unresolved issues can resurface and cause even bigger arguments.