Stop Hoping for a Handout: Psychologist Natalia Zhukova on What Really Holds You Back from Earning More

Many people believe that financial success depends solely on obvious factors such as a good job, social connections, and family support. However, there is another equally important factor: psychological attitudes. These attitudes often work against us, fostering insecurity and imposter syndrome, which hinder our ability to earn more. What are these attitudes? Where do they come from? How significant is the role of our parents’ history in our success? And how can we break free from the chronic cycle of financial dissatisfaction? Psychologist Natalia Zhukova shares her insights on these questions with “City of Women” magazine.

Natalia Zhukova: A Journey from Financial Dependence to Independence

Natalia Zhukova, a practicing psychologist with a master’s degree in psychological sciences from Lomonosov Moscow State University, is an accredited and certified Gestalt therapist in Russia and Europe. She has also studied cognitive-behavioral therapy in London at City, University of London, and holds a master’s degree in intellectual systems and technologies from BNTU.

Natalia works closely with clients experiencing financial dissatisfaction. Her clientele ranges from established businesspeople and top managers to budding entrepreneurs and homemakers seeking to increase their income.

However, Natalia once found herself on the other side of the spectrum. She lived in fear of not achieving financial independence and relying on her family or husband. Her personal journey is a testament to the fact that even deeply ingrained harmful attitudes can be changed.

Personal Story: “For a long time, I couldn’t break through the $2000 earnings ceiling”

“I used to believe that there were people who knew how to earn money, and then there was me—the complete opposite. This mindset dominated most of my life, around 27 or 28 years. For a long time, I couldn’t break through the $2000 earnings ceiling, no matter how hard I tried.”

“I looked at other people with higher incomes, including my teachers, and was convinced that they earned more because they had been in the psychology field for a long time. I told myself, ‘Natasha, gain more knowledge and wait. Just wait, practice, learn, and everything will change by the time you’re 40-50 years old.'”

“When I had over 50 diplomas and certificates in my hands, I realized that this belief didn’t work. Then, I thought that I simply wasn’t meant for this.”

“Outwardly, everything looked quite successful. Early in my psychology career, I moved from Molodechno to Moscow and, in a way, conquered it. I had clients, work, and recognition. But there was always a feeling that something was not right.”

“No one taught me entrepreneurial thinking in my childhood. I started studying finance on my own. I wanted to break free from financial dependence because I had always relied on someone else materially—first my parents, then my husband.”

“A financially dependent woman thinks, ‘I can’t cope with life on my own; I can’t rely on myself.’ But working on myself, I realized that I live this way because I don’t want to take responsibility. And there are psychological reasons for this. Primarily, it’s the victim mentality. You are afraid, you want an easier life, but you do nothing to achieve it. And the person you depend on constantly gives you negative feedback.”

“Therapy for financial dependence involves addressing the victim syndrome and taking responsibility for your life. Now, my personal journey of overcoming fears is behind me. I consult, including women entrepreneurs, helping them overcome their fears.”

“I can’t earn more because of my child.” What prevents you from reaching a new income level?

Here are the main fears, attitudes, and personal qualities that hinder people from earning more:

Attitude “I won’t succeed.” A person immediately adopts a losing position. They don’t want to take responsibility for the process and the result. Many people are afraid to act because they have had negative experiences and fear facing the feeling of loss again.
Attitude “I can’t earn because of someone.” Sometimes women say that it’s difficult for them to earn more because of a child, parents, or a man (because he might leave or start drinking if she becomes more successful than him). In reality, the reason is the same fear of responsibility for their financial situation. It’s always easier to blame someone else and thus justify oneself.
Imposter Syndrome. People with this syndrome chronically doubt their skills and expertise, making it difficult for them to promote themselves. They spend a lot of time on self-education, thinking, “Once I get a diploma, I will definitely start selling my work expensively.” But in reality, they continue to live with their insecurity: how can I earn more if I’m not good enough?
Comparison with others. This is a belief from the series: “I am not like someone else. I don’t have such financial resources, which means I am a loser.”
Devaluation of their work. Such people do not see a direct connection between a successful deal, a grateful client, and their contribution to the work. Sometimes it seems that successes happened by chance, and they had no part in it. Hence, attitudes arise: “I cannot influence the result, my income, I cannot earn more because I do not control it.”
Low self-esteem. People in this category do not believe in themselves or their abilities. They think they cannot handle responsibility or deserve certain amounts of money. Even if the work is done excellently, they still think they are not good enough and neither is their work. All this directly affects their attitude towards money.
Violation of financial boundaries. Imagine a situation: a girl who is a manicure master works with acquaintances. When she hears the question from a client, “How much do I owe you?” she gets embarrassed: “Oh, we’ll figure it out later.” She doesn’t know how to talk about money because it’s uncomfortable and “what if they think I’m asking for too much.” This is a clear problem of violated financial boundaries. In such a situation, it’s difficult to move to a new level of income.

“Compare yourself only with yourself.” How to get rid of negativity in your head

First of all, think and start working on yourself in tandem with an expert. Each negative attitude has its own algorithm for elimination. For example, in the case of violating financial boundaries, you need to accept the fact: it is normal to openly talk about the price of your work.

Clearly stated conditions create transparency in communication with others. Your clients or employer understand what can be demanded from a person, what is included in the cost of the service, and so on. If you are even afraid to talk about money, then you will emotionally burn out at work, perform a lot of tasks for free or not for the amounts you expected.

If you consider yourself an “imposter”

Here it is important not to deceive either yourself or others. It is worth openly admitting the lack of experience. For example: “You are my first client, I may have mistakes. I won’t work perfectly right away, I’m just starting. But this doesn’t prevent me from taking money for my work, because I will do it responsibly. I speak openly and honestly.”

Note progress

With low self-esteem, it is important to have a supportive environment and constantly remind yourself that you were chosen, not your competitors. And you were not chosen just like that, but because you have skills, you satisfy the client as a specialist. It is necessary to notice good events in life, to note personal achievements. You need to learn to attribute your successes to yourself, not to a happy accident.

And always compare

Stop Hoping for a Handout: Psychologist Natalia Zhukova on What Really Holds You Back from Earning More