Mikhail Zhvanetsky: The Joy of Wisdom in Old Age

There’s a unique pleasure in listening to a wise person. It’s a great fortune to be a contemporary of a legend. With a sharp mind and remarkable charm, at 82, Mikhail Zhvanetsky stands on stage for an hour and a half, captivating a large audience. People listen eagerly, with genuine pleasure! Each word is like an acupuncture needle, precisely targeting the stagnant points of the system, making the blood flow and the ice break.

On Homeland

The homeland doesn’t work, dig, or sow. It only consumes and drinks. It’s the people who must till and sow. Without people, the homeland is not a mother. It’s helpless without them! We rely on it… But where can it get anything if we don’t provide? It doesn’t even have money unless we give it. It has nothing except resolutions to “prohibit” and “permit”.

But for it to prohibit something, we must first do it. Today, there’s nothing to prohibit—people’s eyes lack interest, and the homeland is bored with us. But it has no other people. And not everyone can get used to it. Extracting bread, hot water, vegetables, and the universally loved gas in such a climate is incredibly tough.

We have an overly independent, very strong, and quiet woman. She wants her child to be independent, rich, and united, and to live near her, not in America, where all children are local, and parents are immigrants. And they are born there for the sake of the homeland.

On News

In Russia, and perhaps where you are too, the most important thing is the news. I’ve adapted: I listen to the news when they are no longer news. I listen to today’s news three or four days later and think: look how bad it was three days ago! And in three days, I learn how bad it is today, and I rejoice that I survived. Therefore, I make mistakes in short-term forecasts, don’t participate in long-term ones, and don’t look at the internet—it’s like trying to dispel fog with a towel and repel waves with your lower back.

If earlier I was worried about being forgotten, today I’m more worried about being remembered.

On Crisis

Hitting rock bottom has become a task for the first time. I would even say: a goal. Look at the complex words we use: the recession of growth is ending, the fall in increase instills some optimism, the fall of the ruble isn’t growing!

The consequences of the crisis are the most favorable: I fit into my old pants again, made friends, and lost acquaintances. We vote for those who promise because the others don’t say anything at all. Once I wrote: we have everything—friendship, mutual aid, everything is there, a big trouble is needed. Well, here it is! I say.

You stop thinking about money, you think about health, you recover, and you think about money again. During hard times, the best, most subtle humor is born. And how the deceived laugh…

We’ve known the word “course” since childhood. Now it’s the course of the ruble, before it was the course of the party—in general, we’ve never seen a true course. But life has become interesting. Night butterflies give only a handshake for rubles, McDonald’s windows have stove pipes sticking out, the ruble is in circulation, but cheese, groats, vegetables are not… This is about the future.

Official, always remember that you are a bribe-taker; when they remind you later, it will be too late. Jew, always remember that you are a Jew; when they remind you later, it will be too late. Businessman, always remember that you could have quietly left this country; when they remind you later, you won’t be able to leave. Politician, always remember: our people drink out of protest; as soon as they stop drinking, you won’t be saved. Son, always remember whose you are; when someone reminds you, I don’t know how you’ll feel, but I’ll be very pleased. Your father.

On Age

What does age mean? Time is no longer money: there is money, but no time. Minus girls, minus children, minus restaurants, minus clothes, minus dreams, plus nothing is needed. Hence, kindness. And frequent bouts of happiness from the fact that everything is in your hands. Because you can no longer want something yourself. To want to sleep, you need to take a pill; to want to love, you need to take a pill; to love, you need to take a second pill. Didn’t take it—don’t love. A pill to feel vigorous, a pill to lose vigor… As a result, all life is in this little box with cells: food, sleep, toilet, love, excitement… And the main pill, so as not to forget to take the pill! Now everything is in your hands—in this box. What happiness: you choose yourself what you want.

On Jews

Since I am a Jew, I sometimes write about it briefly.

Jews in the USSR: we don’t know the language, we don’t know our history, we don’t know the religion—so, we are not real Jews. At the same time, they didn’t accept us into institutes or jobs, so we are real. We arrived in Israel: we don’t know the language, we don’t know the history, we don’t know the religion—so, we are not real. But they took us into the army, into the state, into the cemetery—so, we are real. Oh, these fluctuations are exhausting!

On Mothers and Sons

A son is given to a woman forever. And the mother is his forever. In songs, poems, guitars, and tattoos, the only woman he has is his mother. And such a pair as mother and son, a woman creates entirely by herself. Women endure and give birth, give birth and carry, carry and feed, not hoping for a return on investment. And everything goes forward. And with the love with which he should love his mother, he will love another, and make her a mother, and give her a son, and he will go forward.

Fathers will love until they are blue in the face, trying to keep a woman similar to his mother nearby. And having lost his wife, he looks for a second one just like her. And a third one just like her, as a son looks for a wife similar to his mother.

On Upbringing

This is what my father told me about upbringing.

And also, Misha, when you have a son, try to be careful. I’m afraid you won’t be able to, but they are always different. Like you and me, you and him. You won’t be able to control him. The first person who completely depends on you, and you won’t be able to control him. This is probably the diversity of people. It’s impossible to live with this. You want to punish, to force!

You can force, but it’s better if he, like you with me, finds his own path. But he must be able to formulate basic knowledge (grammar, mathematics, etc.), behavior among people, what he wants from them, and what he can give people in return. Just to demand or submit.

In short, Misha, education.