Secrets to Everlasting Love: Insights from Men Married for Over 20 Years

If you ask if there’s a universal formula for long and happy relationships, no couple can provide a definitive answer. Simply because there are no universal rules. However, there are certain things worth learning. We talked to men who have been married for over 20 years about family values, daily routines, and how to keep the love alive.

Andrey Pekurov

Entrepreneur, Motivator, Investor

Love at First Sight

“I wake up, open my eyes, and see a very pleasant stranger next to my friend,” recalls Andrey Pekurov about his first meeting with his future wife, Larisa Pekurova. At 17, Andrey lived in the Zavodskoy district of Minsk, where his house was a hub for gatherings. His older sister would let friends in even when he was asleep. This time, a friend came with his cousin, who was visiting Minsk for preparatory courses before entering a university. The group came to copy Freddie Mercury’s songs from a CD to a cassette, and Andrey’s house had a cool CD player at the time.

Love and Ambition

However, love didn’t spark immediately. The young couple didn’t see each other for about a year. But as Andrey recalls, this became a great motivation for self-improvement: “I liked her, but what could I offer such a wonderful girl? No money, no car, no phone.”

At 18, they met again. By then, the young man already had a car, a mobile phone, and a good income. At that time, earning $300-400 a day was considered incredible: “At that moment, I felt very confident. We started living together almost immediately and went to America under the ‘Work and Travel’ program. We lived there for six months and have never been apart since.”

The Key to a Happy Marriage

“We don’t argue over household chores; I find it even a bit funny. You can hire staff for household work. Or, another option is to let the person who enjoys it do it,” continues Andrey. “For example, Larisa loves cooking. I often tell her to let a chef do it. But she enjoys the process so much that even when we have a specialist working, she advises on what and how to do better.”

Marriage: A Personal Perspective

Even after 20 years, the successful entrepreneur has his own view on marriage: “Even the word itself is unpleasant—marriage. Marriage can be in manufacturing,” says Andrey Pekurov. “In my opinion, what’s more important is not the conditional legal moment, which can be concluded today and dissolved tomorrow, but the relationship between a man and a woman, how seriously they are set to continue. I still don’t understand why some people have the mindset that they must get a stamp in their passport. Are they afraid of being deceived? For that, there is a prenuptial agreement. We, for example, have had one since day one. Therefore, in case of anything, everything that was mine will remain mine, and everything that is the spouse’s will remain hers. From a legal point of view, we are in the same position.”

Financial Agreement

Our hero recalls that the registration was also a pure formality: “We went to the registry office of the Central District only for the sake of the children. They should have an ‘official’ family. If it weren’t for the children, we wouldn’t have hurried to do it. Love lives outside the stamps. Although it is more important for girls. My wife said at that time: ‘I don’t know what to tell my parents, it’s awkward.’ I thought that if it was so important, then let’s get registered.”

However, the Pekurov family has a very interesting agreement: “We have a long-standing agreement that if someone wants to leave the family, then financially they leave everything—money, real estate, cars. This moment is not legally fixed anywhere; it is a word that, personally for me, means much more than registration in the registry office.”

Have Children as Early as Possible

“The only advice I would give to my younger self is to have children even earlier,” continues our hero. “I love children incredibly and believe that any couple is formed primarily for this. Our first child appeared quite early, but it could have been even earlier. But now I am very glad and happy that everything turned out the way it did.”

Overcoming Challenges

Like any couple, Andrey and Larisa’s family had not only love but also difficult times. However, this was long ago and very rarely, which, as they say, can be considered untrue.

“In difficult situations, we did not turn to psychologists because we ourselves studied a lot on this subject,” recalls our hero. “Although there were not many such moments. There were no situations where we did not live together or wanted to divorce. We quarreled a couple of times and did not talk for several days, and that’s it. All people are different; you need to learn to accept. Few people understand the true meaning of these words.”

Change Yourself, Not Your Partner

A common misconception is that you can change your partner in a relationship. Our hero agrees with this: “It is almost impossible to change a person. You can only change yourself. If something does not suit you in your spouse, then only by changing yourself can you start to relate to this differently. We try to accept each other as we are and come to terms with some weaknesses.”

Shared Interests and Adventures

The spouses are united not only by love. They have everything in common: business, hobbies, interests. They spend a lot of time together and worry when they sometimes have to be away from each other.

“I remember, I was in Moscow for three weeks on business, and Larisa was in Minsk. After a week, I already felt something was wrong, although in principle I like being alone,” recalls Andrey.

Keeping the Spark Alive

Over the years, relationships in some couples become less vibrant, but this is definitely not the case for our heroes. They fuel their love with emotions. “All types of sex, hobbies, tourism, extreme sports—we constantly rekindle interest in each other and lead an active lifestyle. My wife supports all my endeavors,” says our hero. “True, I went to the mountains alone, but the next trip we are planning together. It will be Mount Aconcagua in Argentina, its height is 6960 meters. We plan to go through it together, although it will not be easy, but my wife is very seriously minded.”

“Why do many relationships fade over time? I think it’s because they are built on one thing,” continues Andrey. “For example, at the stage of falling in love, sex is in the foreground, and when the candy-bouquet period passes, it turns out that they have nothing in common.”

Surprise and Traditions

The couple has enough family traditions to keep the love alive. For example, making surprises and pampering with unexpected gifts. But the main one is joint trips for birthdays. “My birthday is on October 25, my wife’s is on November 12. Every year in the 20s of October, we are already sitting on a plane, and Larisa never knows exactly where we are flying to. Last year, I planned a trip to Brazil; she, as usual, did not know until the last moment. In such trips, we usually stay until her birthday.”

Alexander Radaev

Art Historian

Alexander Radaev with Inna Radaeva

“The story of our acquaintance is so banal and non-trivial at the same time that it deserves a separate story. In short, it looks like this: twenty years ago, in the housing office, I met…”