5 Ways to Find Happiness in Challenging Relationships

The secret to strong and happy relationships isn’t just about dates and roses (though they never hurt anyone). It’s about letting go of conventional wisdom and following your own instincts. Couples who rely on time-tested and external examples rarely find their own path. Their relationships often lead to frustration rather than optimal solutions for both partners. Relationships should be dynamic, organic, and reflective of what’s happening between partners at any given moment. Here are some tips to help you break the conventional rules and strengthen your bond with your loved one.

Unconditional Love is a Myth

Isn’t the purest form of love unconditional? That’s what we were told as children and what literature teaches us. However, in real life, unconditional love is rare. It’s a beautiful fairy tale that sets very low standards for relationships. Partners should not think that any behavior, no matter how bad or hurtful, will be forgiven and understood. Of course, relationships go through tough times that need to be endured, but if partners take each other for granted, they stop respecting each other’s comfort zones and boundaries. In love, it’s necessary to set limits as they help you see the warning signs: financial irresponsibility, emotional abuse, sexual ignorance, or inaction. All these can harm your relationship, and over time, they can rot it completely.

Give More to Receive More

Everyone knows that in a relationship, each person should carry their own weight. But relationships aren’t always about a 50-50 split. Sometimes, one person’s initiative can change the relationship as a whole. Even though boundaries are important, it’s sometimes useful not to demand more but to give more. If your relationship is strong enough, your desire to give more will eventually be reciprocated. Giving 70% isn’t about sacrifice; it’s about showing how much you value and love your partner, even if they sometimes do things you don’t like.

Embrace Selfishness in the Bedroom

Sexually satisfied couples know what they need for pleasure, primarily their own. Only after they get what they need can they take care of their partner’s pleasure. If you both do what pleases you, it will be easier to please each other. Don’t wait for your partner to do what you dream of or expect pleasure to come on its own—make the beautiful happen here and now.

Avoid Taking Breaks

A break is an alternative to breaking up that was popular in school years when neither you nor your partner had life experience, responsibility, or the desire to solve problems. That’s normal. But in serious relationships, breaks are just an attempt to delay decision-making. You might think that during the break, everything gradually improves, you let go of negative emotions, and when you return to the relationship, you feel that everything has indeed gotten better. But that doesn’t mean anything has changed. Spending a night away from home, at your parents’ place, to cool off is one thing, but starting to live your own life without knowing how your partner is living is a sign that your relationship is falling apart, and you won’t save it unless you change something.

The ‘One’ is a Myth

Fantasy about whether you’ve chosen the right partner or not is a waste of time. Everyone around says that if you’re with the right person, only happiness and joy await you, and stress is the first sign that something is wrong. But in reality, this belief only harms relationships. If you want your partner to change, change yourself. Be the model of what you want to see in the person next to you. Don’t like that your partner is always late, doesn’t wash the dishes, or shows selfishness? Check if you’re doing the same. Of course, if you already live by this belief and take care of yourself before demanding something from your partner but still face problems, you should revisit point #1. Otherwise, invest in the relationship what you want it to be.

For further reading, check out this authoritative article on maintaining love and respect in a relationship.