13 Signs You Lack Assertiveness and How to Regain Your Power

Kind-hearted individuals are treasures loved by all, as they bring ease and joy to those around them. However, this very trait can sometimes lead to being taken for granted. If you avoid conflicts, always lend a helping hand, and love others wholeheartedly, it doesn’t mean you should become bitter like the world around you. Yet, your kindness and gentleness might stem from personal issues and insecurities that hold you back. Here are some behavioral patterns that might make others take advantage of you. Pay attention to your feelings and take action before it’s too late.

1. You Struggle to Say No

Saying no isn’t in your nature. You’d rather take on more responsibilities than refuse someone. You might think you’re just being kind and helpful, but others see you as someone without a backbone, taking your actions for granted. Remember, no one is forcing you to do anything.

2. You’re Predictable

If people around you, especially those you love, can predict your every move and word, they can manipulate your feelings and actions to their advantage. If you’re smart, you’ll feel used but might not do anything about it because it has become a habit.

3. You’re Too Nice

You love to please and can’t be rude, even when someone crosses the line. You might think you’re the kindest person in a cruel world, but in reality, you’re an idealist who can’t assert herself. This makes people take your actions for granted, even subconsciously.

4. You Procrastinate Important Decisions

You find it easier to make excuses for your inaction than to start solving problems. You might think you’re just looking for an easy way out, but this is the most spineless way to live. Those around you see your indecisiveness as a sign of weakness, making it easy for them to impose their views and make you do what benefits them. Being indecisive, you risk living by others’ rules.

5. You Can’t Stand Up for Yourself

If you realize that you’re being taken for granted, you need to stand up for yourself. Otherwise, you risk being unhappy and disappointed. The feeling of not being able to express your true feelings will eat you up inside, and your kindness and conflict-avoidance will lead to nothing good.

6. You’re Afraid

You avoid loud, dominant, and conflict-prone individuals because they stress you out. You can’t handle them, so you prefer to stay silent, even when you disagree. Your fear stems from a lack of confidence in dealing with such people, leading to a lack of respect and being taken advantage of.

7. You Lie to Yourself

You deceive yourself by not wanting to believe that someone is taking you for granted. You make excuses for others’ actions that make you feel bad. You convince yourself that the other person isn’t trying to hurt you; they’re just right, and you’re not. This self-deception makes you do things you don’t want to, breaking your self-esteem and making you a victim of manipulation.

8. You Don’t Believe in Yourself

Deep down, you don’t believe in yourself. You doubt your abilities and worthiness of a better life and respectful treatment. You keep finding faults in yourself and see others as benefactors who live better and smarter. This insecurity makes you feel the need to constantly please others to be accepted and praised.

9. You Can’t Be Alone

The fear of loneliness and responsibility for your own life makes you prefer to be kind to those who treat you badly rather than leave and be alone. Until you learn to deal with this feeling, you won’t get what you want, and people will treat you as they please.

10. You Don’t Know What You Want

Every time you decide to do something for yourself, like getting a new hairstyle, the first thing you think about is whether your partner or close ones will approve. You constantly try to please others because you can’t please yourself; you don’t know what you want from life, people, and yourself. You think your dedication will make people love and appreciate you, but they sense your confusion and take advantage of it.

11. You Have Low Expectations

You don’t expect much from people or fight for your ideals because you’re often disappointed and tired of feeling this way. You give too much to people to earn their attention and approval, knowing that you can only demand something if you meet the requirements yourself. This common sense turns into a disaster for you, as you can’t get more if you keep settling for what you have. People around you think that since you don’t demand anything, they are perfect and can find faults in you. This is where the feeling of being taken for granted comes from.

12. You Respect Everyone but Yourself

You love or care for someone so much that you’re willing to do anything for their happiness, despite your own dissatisfaction and mixed feelings. This devotion is a good quality, but if you don’t respect yourself first, no one will treat you the way you want. Good treatment needs to be earned, and you should be grateful for someone constantly caring about your happiness. If you close your eyes to everything to avoid conflict, people will think that what you give them is normal, not your boundless love, which, by the way, is not found everywhere.

13. You Give More Than You Receive

Sometimes, it’s hard to stop giving yourself entirely to others. Even when you don’t get what you want, you think that by doing more, you’ll find a response. And this is where you should stop, as you’re not obliged to serve others for free. However, our psyche remembers the positive effect that good deeds for others have on our well-being, so you continue to sacrifice yourself in hopes of experiencing happiness again. You might realize this or just fall into a cycle of unmet expectations. In any case, pay attention to how others treat you and stop before things get worse.