10 Ways to Enhance Your Intimacy Skills and Spice Up Your Love Life

Everyone wants to believe they are great in bed, but in practice, doubts often creep in. Do I look good? Does he like my body? Will I enjoy myself tonight? Will he? For many people, sex is a significant part of relationships as it provides physical contact that brings them closer to their loved ones. It’s also a pleasure that can be hard to tame. If you’re unsure about your ars amandi, we’ve got some advice for you.

It may seem like some people are born with fantastic skills, but in reality, it’s all about experience, practice, openness, and chemistry between partners. The first step to improving your skills is acknowledging that you might not be as good as you think. Fortunately, this is something you can work on.

1. Understand That Nobody Is Perfect

The first few times you have sex, it might feel awkward, and that’s completely normal. After all, both of you bring past experiences that influence your desires in the bedroom. Don’t give up right away—it’s not just one person’s fault. Bad sex can result from various factors, not just lack of experience and a serious connection.

2. Find the Connection

Perhaps your issues started after you met your current partner. Your relationship has gradually developed, and now you realize that you’re not as compatible as you initially thought. Any feelings you have for your partner can easily translate into your sex life, and sometimes you might not even realize it’s happening.

Be honest with yourself and your feelings. Good sex isn’t just a physical experience; it highlights the importance of spending time together. Sexologist Dr. O’Reilly states that it all comes down to how much each of you cares about the relationship:

Compatibility is based on how much each partner is willing to put in equal effort.

If both of you are willing to work on your sexual life, all is not lost. However, if one of you refuses to talk about it or make changes, you might be incompatible.

Doctors suggest trying tantric sex, Karezza, or other sexual practices that focus on spiritual and physical unity. These practices are said to often improve relationships overall.

3. Communicate What You Like

If you’ve discovered that both of you are unhappy with your sex life, don’t see this as bad news but as an opportunity to learn more about each other. Good sex requires serious work.

Even those in long-term relationships find that their sexual appetites change over time. People discover new things they like and let go of old sexual habits. So, it’s completely normal if your sexual needs grow and evolve with you.

Sex is never easy, and that’s great news. You can have a completely different experience each time, even with the same person!

— Sexologist Annabelle Knight

Start the conversation by discussing what’s good about your sex life, and then talk about what you’d like to try or change.

4. Don’t Be Shy to Initiate

You might be modest enough not to aggressively come onto your partner. But sometimes he might even think that he’s forcing you each time, and you’re too shy to show him that sex is just as important to you. Be bold, show him that you want him so badly that you can’t control yourself.

5. Find Comfortable Positions

Your partner probably doesn’t want to do all the work every time, and you definitely shouldn’t just lie there doing nothing. Try a simple role-playing game or experiment beyond the bed.

6. Ask Why He Avoids Certain Things

Does your partner really dislike oral sex, or is it because you once accidentally touched his teeth? Or maybe he was put off by one awkward touch? If he flinches and tries to say he doesn’t need it, ask a specific question about how he feels about your oral skills.

7. Keep the Rhythm

Finding the right rhythm is key to both of you achieving orgasm. If you constantly change the pace, someone might end up disappointed.

8. Don’t Be Afraid to Watch Adult Content

Online sex might not be very realistic, but it can give you ideas for new things to try. Take it a step further: watch it together with your partner to find something you both might enjoy.

9. Stop Being Silent

Not everyone might like dirty talk, but if you really enjoy what’s happening between you, why not say it out loud? Don’t be afraid to moan and compliment your partner. Let him know what gives you more pleasure.

10. Stop Overthinking

Many women tend to think about things unrelated to sex while in bed. You need to focus on your partner and what you’re doing! This way, you won’t miss out on your orgasm.