Soaring Alone: How Single Parenthood Became This Mom’s Greatest Triumph

Soaring Alone: How Single Parenthood Became This Mom’s Greatest Triumph

Despite the challenges of going it alone, Gillian Hayes, a mother of two, shares why choosing single parenthood was the most empowering decision she ever made.

The Turning Point

Gillian Hayes vividly remembers the lowest point in her life. “I was on my hands and knees, searching for coins down the back of the couch to buy bread for the kids’ lunches the next day,” she recalls. This was in 2012, when Gillian decided to leave her husband after a decade of marriage.

“All I want to say about it is that the marriage didn’t work, and I made the tough call to leave when my daughter Olivia was seven and my son Ben was five,” she explains.

A New Beginning

At the time, Gillian, now 46, was working in IT for Telecom (now Spark). She left her well-paid job to raise her children on a four-hectare property in Ōtaki. “I grew up in Ōtaki after my GP father relocated here from the UK. But I couldn’t raise the kids and commute into Wellington each day, so I decided to quit my job,” she says.

It was, she admits, the worst of times. “Back then, I felt as though I’d failed both my dreams and as a mother to nurture a healthy and happy home environment. I constantly worried about the kids’ mental wellbeing and was terrified they’d be scarred and traumatized by being brought up in a single-parent home.”

Setting an Example

But Gillian knew she had given her marriage her all, and it hadn’t worked out. “I had to believe that by leaving, I’d set an example to them – especially my daughter – about being a strong, independent woman who takes charge,” she says.

A Passion for Horses

Gillian, who grew up with horses, juggled solo parenthood with caring for Moose, her Clydesdale horse. “I started taking Moose to dressage and showjumping events. He’s the gentlest horse you could ever meet, and people started asking if they could learn how to ride on him. Some had childhood horse traumas or were lacking in confidence,” she recalls.

Building a Business

This kick-started Beachbrook Stables, the horse-trekking and equine camp Gillian has run from her property for 10 years. She now has 16 horses and, as well as leading beach and forest treks most days, she recently opened boutique accommodation on the property.

“I’m not going to lie, being a single mother hasn’t always been easy, but I’ve been doing it for a while now, and it’s probably the best decision I ever made,” she says. “Thankfully, my children have no memory of those early years – of my endless tears and the constant struggle to pay the bills. They’ve grown up to become well-adjusted young teens who only remember the good times, and for that, I’m incredibly grateful.”

Overcoming Stigma

Gillian believes there’s little stigma around being a single mother these days – “If there is, I’ve never felt it” – but says she wishes it didn’t come with a side of guilt. “Not just single mothers, but all women these days live with eternal guilt that we’re not doing enough or working hard enough,” she says.

Empowering Women

“We need to stop beating ourselves up, stop the questioning and self-doubt, because we are enough!” Gillian concludes. Her journey is a testament to the strength and resilience of single mothers everywhere.