7 Essential Tips for Making Connections at Parties

Some social rules have stood the test of time. You could pick up an old etiquette guide like Arthur Martin’s “Handbook of Etiquette,” and the advice would still be useful, relevant, and timely. It’s surprising, then, that people still feel awkward in large groups and struggle to find the right words. There’s even a profession dedicated to helping people connect at parties: salonnières, or professional introducers. Fortunately, they don’t keep their secrets to themselves—aside from their incredible charisma.

Do Your Homework

Before heading to a party, think of two or three topics you can discuss if the conversation doesn’t flow naturally. If you’re attending a party with many unfamiliar faces, ask the hosts about their friends’ interests. What do they read? Which vloggers do they follow? A quick look at their social media profiles can give you a good starting point.

Greet Properly

Ask your neighbor, “Where do I know you from?” even if you’re meeting them for the first time. This can help start a conversation and immediately find common ground. They might mention places they frequent, giving you clues about comfortable topics for them.

Take the Initiative

If you’re next to a shy person, take the lead and ask them what they’re interested in. Most people love talking about themselves, but not everyone can overcome their shyness. Ask personal questions in a gentle, non-intrusive manner. Find out how they do their work, how they spend their free time, their favorite music, or what they’ve recently seen at the cinema.

Ask Unique Questions

Professional introducer and writer Ashley McDermott suggests asking, “When and where have you felt happiest?” This approach can reveal interesting information about your conversation partner and set a positive tone, as pleasant memories come to mind. You could also play the interviewer and ask which famous person they’d like to meet. Avoid political questions unless you’re on a show like “vDud.”

Be Kind

Avoid crossing your arms or letting your gaze wander around the room. Maintain eye contact to show your interest in the conversation. Don’t be vain or focus solely on your interests. Instead, aim to engage and entertain others with topics that might interest them. Pause and leave room in the conversation for your partner to express their opinions and perhaps even add to your story. Don’t finish their sentences—even if they struggle to find the right word, let them tell their story. Avoid joking at others’ expense; gossip doesn’t make you a true lady. Instead, talk about the wonderful people at the party and how you know them. Show that you see the good in others, and your new acquaintance will find it easier to see the good in you. Leave openings in your conversation that invite further discussion. Don’t make your story a monologue—share important points that your partner might want to explore further.

Don’t Be Afraid to Joke

Many women worry that their sense of humor isn’t funny. Why not address this openly? If your joke falls flat, don’t be shy to admit it. This shows that you want to make a good impression but aren’t afraid to look silly.

Don’t Hesitate to Leave

Use the phrase “I need to”: I need to get more food, I need to reply to a message, I need to ask the host something. Show that you’re not just running away, that the conversation meant a lot to you, and you’re open to continuing it later. If you’re afraid of extreme situations, arrange a special signal with a friend who can help you leave if needed. Remember, even if the conversation feels uncomfortable, it’s not a reason to leave without a word.

For more tips on social etiquette, you can refer to authoritative sources like The Emily Post Institute.