6 Must-Read Non-Fiction Books on Love and Relationships
Billions of books have been written and millions of movies made about love, yet they often stir our emotions rather than help us understand human relationships. Psychologists work with those who have suffered from the destructive impact of romantic feelings. We, in turn, strive to provide you with good advice for achieving happiness and harmony, and this article is another testament to that effort. Let’s approach love as a science: study the laws governing pair relationships, the main patterns, and the conditions influencing our behavior. Our selection of popular science books will help you in this endeavor. What we love about popular science, and non-fiction in general, is that it is not only interesting but also completely real.
1. Robin Dunbar “The Science of Love and Betrayal”
British anthropologist and evolutionary psychologist, Oxford University professor Robin Dunbar argues that since love is a universal phenomenon, it must have biological causes. These are what interest the researcher. Dunbar shows how our behavior is influenced by “evolutionary programming” and examines the nature of parental and romantic love, betrayal, passion, and other emotional aspects of relationships.
However, I do not intend to delve too deeply into the intricacies of physiology and genetics. That is the domain of biologists. My task is to consider the elementary biological causes of our behavior in conjunction with the psychological, social, historical, and evolutionary circumstances that modulate this behavior and influence it. I am particularly interested in the principles of partner selection and the tactics we use to capture the attention of our chosen ones. I intend to examine love as a phenomenon and will occasionally turn to poets for assistance.
2. Aziz Ansari, Eric Klinenberg “Modern Romance”
Stand-up comedian and actor Aziz Ansari has long dedicated his performances to the love problems of modern times. At some point, jokes on this topic seemed insufficient to him. Ansari teamed up with New York University sociologist Eric Klinenberg to develop a serious research project on relationships.
Ansari and Klinenberg conducted hundreds of interviews and focus groups in different cities around the world, analyzed surveys, and created their own forum for online research. Additionally, they spoke with leading psychologists and sociologists. The result is a book about how the process of finding a partner has changed and what problems modern people face in the realm of love. The combination of light and sharp humor with modern social science data has produced an excellent result. The book is perfect for those who do not like to read boring research.
3. Hannah Fry “The Mathematics of Love: Patterns, Proofs, and the Search for the Ultimate Equation”
This book aims to help tech-savvy individuals approach the search for a partner from a mathematical perspective, and to help humanities lovers appreciate this science a little more. Do not be frightened by the word “mathematics” – the book is written clearly and interestingly, without any homework or examples for reinforcement at the end of the chapter.
Professor of Mathematics at the University of London, Hannah Fry, does not deny that feelings are unpredictable and difficult to analyze. However, mathematics is accustomed to working with chaos and is quite capable of describing the laws of love. Moreover, the book offers specific practical ideas – theories of flirting, the optimal algorithm for behavior at a party, and other formulas. I understand your skepticism, but if intuition has not yet helped you find your happiness, perhaps it is worth trying to engage logic?
4. Dean Delis, Cassandra Phillips “The Passion Paradox: She Loves Him, He Loves Her Not”
Clinical psychologist Dean Delis and journalist Cassandra Phillips in their book detail the phenomenon of the “passion trap,” which many couples experience in long-term relationships. The authors explain what problems are caused by disharmony in the couple and gender stereotypes.
The book contains specific recommendations on how to change behavior patterns that threaten your union, how to restore balance and romance in the relationship. A good guide for those who have been together for a long time.
The passion paradox can unexpectedly appear at any moment. It can destroy both a new romance and long-term relationships. It can be caused by various sources of imbalance: the greater attractiveness of one of the partners, objective circumstances, the “game roles” of the partners, or the incompatibility of individual characteristics.
5. Sue Johnson “Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love”
Another book for those who are in pairs and strive to maintain long-term relationships. How to restore understanding, attraction, and former closeness with a partner? Sue Johnson suggests using emotionally focused therapy to build happy, healthy, and long-term relationships.
The theory is supported by the author’s practical experience so that the reader understands how to apply the principles of therapy in their life.
6. Robin Norwood “Women Who Love Too Much”
Why does love sometimes turn into obsession? Why do women often choose toxic relationships and become attached to emotionally unavailable partners?
In her book, therapist Robin Norwood talks about the causes of destructive behavior in relationships and confirms her conclusions with cases from her own medical practice. The author explains how to free oneself from unhealthy attachment and learn to love oneself.
I hope this book will help everyone who loves too much, although it is written primarily for women, as loving too much is predominantly a female phenomenon. The book’s goal is very specific: to help women whose relationships with men are destructively affecting their lives, realize this fact, understand the cause of their behavior, and acquire the means to change their lives.
