5 Essential Ways to Maintain Independence in Serious Relationships

As relationships between men and women become more serious, they increasingly influence each other. This influence can be positive; for instance, you can always learn something new from your significant other. You might master the art of professionally lounging on the couch, watching superhero movies, or even picking up some colorful language to critique domestic cars. However, more often than not, we observe a different kind of influence where a woman becomes so attached to her partner that she gradually loses her independence. This is especially noticeable when couples start living together, as there’s literally no escape from each other most of the time.

Why Maintain Independence?

Some readers might ask, “Why bother maintaining independence in such a situation? Isn’t this just preparing for a potential breakup?” Absolutely not! Independence doesn’t indicate a lack of confidence in your partner. It’s essential for maintaining emotional comfort and harmoniously developing your individuality. If your partner respects you as a person, they will understand why you need to do this.

Personal Space

By personal space, we don’t mean the contents of your smartphone, diary, or computer folders. Snooping into these is a real taboo in any relationship, so it’s not even up for discussion. We’re talking about a female equivalent of a “man cave,” which is typically a garage. This is a space shielded from the influence of your significant other, where you can be alone with your interests and thoughts. Create your own “woman cave”! You don’t need a separate room or garage for this; a corner in the bedroom or a desk with a computer and plenty of drawers will suffice.

Explain to your partner that they shouldn’t tidy up, move, or change anything on it without asking. Ideally, they shouldn’t interfere with this corner or desk at all. If possible, separate it with a screen or curtain, and place a small table or shelf between the rest of the room and this “cave.” In this space, you reign and set your own rules. It won’t be a surprise if your partner also sets up a similar corner for themselves if they haven’t already.

Separate Friendships

You have mutual friends who always invite you both as a couple. Of course, you also know all of his close friends, and he doesn’t confuse your girlfriends. Try not to mix all your friends into one group. Naturally, if you’re invited to a party, you’ll go together. But everyday activities like going to the movies, cafes, active recreation, and other similar outings are best done only with your own friends, without involving your significant other.

Organize girls’ nights out, go shopping, and visit your favorite girlfriends, leaving your man with his own company. Yes, this will take time away from what you could spend together. But you have plenty of that, right?

Financial Matters

The issue of joint and separate budgets arises for any couple living together. How to resolve it is a separate topic of conversation, as both options have their merits. If you decide to have a joint budget, it doesn’t mean you should pool all your money. Both you and your partner should keep a certain percentage (which you agree on individually) to spend solely on yourselves.

Pay for your whims, cafe visits, and little pleasures with your own money, even if the joint budget can easily afford it.

Small Adventures

Remember your life before you entered into a serious relationship. You used to go to cafes alone, walk the streets, visit exhibitions, and it didn’t bother you at all. It’s advisable to have such “solo” outings even when you’re in a relationship, at least a couple of times a month. Attend an event that your partner would only go to out of solidarity with you. Walk down the street and pop into the first shop that catches your eye. Go to a meetup of like-minded people from your favorite forum—all without the support and reliable male shoulder beside you.

Of course, wandering around at night in a dark alley isn’t suitable for such a small adventure, as it might turn into something much bigger. But going out alone is extremely beneficial, especially if the adventure is related to emotional experiences or your interests.

Speaking of interests, it would be great to find a hobby that doesn’t overlap with your partner’s even partially. Ideally, a couple should have 1-2 shared hobbies and as many separate ones, although ideal things don’t exist in nature. If you manage to find something that your man doesn’t want to interfere with his advice and helpful suggestions, keep this hobby at a distance from him.

Division of Responsibilities

It’s never too late to have a serious conversation with your partner and clearly delineate areas of responsibility. This will also help avoid being consumed by daily chores. Who takes out the trash, does the cleaning, buys fresh bread, picks up the newspapers from the mailbox, and keeps an eye on the critical number of socks scattered everywhere? Clearly divide these small tasks and keep track of what you’re responsible for. This way, it will be easier to maintain order, and the responsibility will be solely on you and no one else.

This doesn’t mean you can’t occasionally step into each other’s territories or call on your significant other for help. The main thing is to know all the necessary tasks that you both do. You can even write them down in a separate list and hang it on the wall. Then, if your significant other goes on a business trip or visits their grandmother in a distant northern region, you’ll know exactly what to do to maintain order.

For more insights on maintaining healthy relationships, you can refer to authoritative sources like Psychology Today.